


WHO AM I

by JoeKyun



Category: Monsta X (Band), No.MERCY (TV), Nubility
Genre: First writing, How Do I Tag, Lim Changkyun | I.M-centric, MonstaX against I.M, Other, monsta x - Freeform, monsta x hates changkyun?
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-01-28
Updated: 2018-01-29
Packaged: 2018-09-20 12:59:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 17
Words: 46,051
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9491864
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JoeKyun/pseuds/JoeKyun
Summary: How did I.M feel when he watched No.Mercy from afar? How did he take the news of joining No.Mecy in the 8th ep? What was the behind story of the deokspatch cams. They all look smiley and happy but just how much of that is true? It was so hard for him...





	1. Starship

It was morning. A night before he had seen one of the episode of No Mercy. He thought that the show was so merciless and felt sad for the trainees but in the same time he couldn’t help but envy them for having the chance to fight for an actual debut which was close for the ones who were going to win.

He was a rapper. He had watched Jooheon's #Gun's, Kwangji's and Yoonho performances. He didn't know them so it was easy for him to judge their mistakes. He imagined himself being there. Fighting for the chance to debut with them but he wasn't that lucky.

It was almost 8 o'clock and he was sitting on his bed thinking of when will he debut? Will he ever? When will his chance come? Is there even a chance? He had gone through a lot already. He was part of Nu'Bility, a 5 member boygroup which was supposed to debut. He was so close that time. So close to being on real stages. Close meeting fans. Close to perform on music shows and compete against other idols. Close to make his parents proud. Close to make his dream a beautiful reality.  
But his dream never came true. Nu'bility disbanded on early 2014. He had worked so hard. He had so many hopes. It all burned down because the company didn't have enough money to make them debut. At that time what he experienced some kind of feel that no one can imagine. Smth that can't be described with words.Still..

He couldn't give up on his dreams. But what is he supposed to do? Starship is gonna have a boygroup debuting soon and there won't be room for other trainees to do the same. Since No Mercy began he felt sorry for himself. He couldn't help it. He thought every day about how lucky they were. Every morning, when he feels himself being awake, something goes into his chest. He felt not scared, but kind of desperate. Like he was fighting alone for something which might never come true in Starship. He had no friends there. No one to talk to when he was sad. Sometimes he met his former Nu'bility members. They were the ones who encouraged him. He was so thankful to them. But lately he was seeing them less. So most of the time he was by himself. Even this morning he felt a lot of mixed feelings inside his heart. He let go of a deep sight. Covered his face with his hands, layed in bed and stayed like that for a while. Thinking... Will his efforts go to waste once again? No! He didn't want to! Not again! He didn't want to feel like that again! Didn't want to loose hopes again! Didn't want to cry and get disappointed. But what can he do now? He can only work hard and do his best! He couldn't give up! No way! He will have faith and try more! Get better because hard work always pays off! So he will get better and go stronger! He can never think of giving up because rapping is something he really, really wants to do and he will do whatever it takes to achieve his goal!  
* * *  
10:00 in the morning.  
He was in a practice room. Someone is going to check his rap. This happens almost everyday. Different people come and go. Evaluating him.

The person who was in charge of checking on his rap for the day came. He was a middle aged man, a little chubby and someone who Changkyun had seen in No Mercy. Was the one who appeared on the first episodes of the show, giving the rappers some advice. But why was he here? Maybe he was a replacement or maybe it was just his turn to evaluate. Anyway Changkyun was gonna give his All In. He imagined being on the show. Imagined being one of the trainees this man had evaluated that day. He rapped hard a piece he had written himself and waited for the man to speak. 

-Was this your piece of work?  
-Yes.-he said.-I wrote it myself.  
-You got a good flow and I see you can rap even faster. But the way you pronounce the words.. Have you been living abroad?  
-Yes.  
-Ah. It's not that you pronounce it bad but you add some foreign accent in it. For some might be cool for others not. If you can improve it then why not do it. If you can't help it then its alright.  
-Thank you.  
-Your voice sounds deep and unlike the other trainees I have heard. Your style of rapping seems stable and its...how can I put it? Like a butterfly rap? Anyway I liked it.  
-Thank you.  
Damn! He was getting good feedback till then. He was happy and proud.  
-And another thing.  
Of course there would be some other thing. He wasn't that perfect.  
-The way you move your hands while rapping. It seemed like you were repeating same movements over and over. Maybe you were pressured. But you can't let others know that. Even if you are stressed on stage you can't show that. You need to be confident or at least seem like that.  
-I understand.  
He really was stressed but that's because he wanted to show his best.  
-Overall you seem to be good. Keep up the good work.  
-Good. I don't know if I am gonna meet you again but I would like to see your improvements next time if I get the chance.  
-Thank you.  
-The other rap mentor is not gonna come today. So you can just focus on your other things. 

So that's it? Well whatever. He was just gonna do something by himself. He kept thinking about the good response he got. This morning he was down but after this positive feedback he felt way better. Sometimes you just need some good words to make you feel more motivated and make you raise up again. It was almost 1pm when he took a break to eat. He was sitting on the floor of the practice room. Chewing his sandwich and thinking about the good reaction that mentor showed. He thought"Ahh if I only was in No Mercy and get those feedbacks.." But he wasn't. He had to do well on his own now. He was ready. He would not give up. Never!

The door opened. It was a choreographer. The one who was in charge of evaluating his dance. But he was not alone. The previous rapper was with him too and a woman. She looked familiar. There was no doubt she was from Starship but he didn't know what her job was.  
-Hello Changkyun. How have you been?-the choreographer asked when they all sat on the wooden bench that all practice rooms have.  
-I've been fine. Thank you.-he stood up with the sandwich in his left hand. Kinda embarrassing..  
-Are you still in a good condition?  
Normally he would ask if his knee was alright. If he had any pain. The choreographer knew about his chronic knee pain.But now he seemed more serious and didn't joke around.  
-Yes I am fine. Thank you.  
-You remember the song you wrote some weeks ago. We tried to make a dance outta that. But since its all focused on rap we only choreographed some parts. Remember what I told you?  
-Yes. A good rap doesn't need a dance to make it look cool. So just a few moments such as the chorus might need a one. The performance and the feel is more important.  
-Yes. Now I want you to perform your song just as you would do it on stage. You can add the dance moves or not. Just be comfortable a d show what you got.

He said all of this without looking at Changkyun. When he finished speaking he gave him a warm look like it said "its alright. Do your best!" The other rapper had his arms crossed into his chest and sometimes smiled. He looked friendly somehow. The woman was a different story. She looked so savage and annoyed. Didn't have the slightest warm feel…  
(The sandwich tho... He didn't know where to leave it... In the end, it ended up in the trash…)

With his heart beating fast, not knowing what was there to be so afraid about, he started the music and let his feelings lead him through the performance. So yeah. He did his best. He rapped and enjoyed it. As always he felt the excitement from the rap. Whenever he rapped he was happy and free. He loved it. That's why he wanted to debut.  
He was nervous but he didn't show it just like the rapper had told him before. While he was giving his all, he felt their eyes being stuck on him. What would they say? How would they react? He stood there and his heavy breathing was the only thing breaking the silence. Then the rapper spoke up.  
-You are not bad. I liked it. And this was your piece if work too.  
-Yes. My piece of work. -Changkyun said and noticed that he liked to use "piece if work" while he speaks.  
-Lim Changkyun.-said the woman.-It says here that you have been a trainee at SpecialK Ent before coming here. You almost debuted.  
-Yes.-he said and something in him hurt again.  
-I see.  
-How confident are you with your rap?  
What kind of question was that? How was he supposed to answer? Doesn't everyone say that he himself is the best? Damn it.  
-I think...uhm... I am not bad. I train hard and practice a lot...  
-Lemme put it this way. If you were in No Mercy. What would your number be?  
-He had thought about that. Many times. He felt like outta all he would be 3. He thought that he was better than Yoonho and Kwangji. But when it came to #Gun and Jooheon..How could he compare to them. Their style is so different. They are both hard, flying rappers and he is more calm, butterfly one, just like the mentor had pointed out.  
-Number 1.  
She saw him in the eyes. He stood right there. Looking confident.  
-A little hesitant.-she said.  
Her eyes were searching for something deep inside his. It was like she was trying to find where his confidence comes from. And if he really is that confident.  
-We better get going now.-she said not moving away her gaze. It was damn scary but Changkyun didn’t step back.  
-Yes. We better go.-said the rap mentor.

As they said this they went out. The choreographer stayed a little but more.  
-Number one? Kkkrr that was so cool. Let's see what happens next.  
-What? What is supposed to be happening now?  
-Ah nothing. Just work hard ok? The performance today wasn't that bad. Good job.  
He watched the choreographer leave the room and heard his steps going away. What was happening? He sat at the bench trying to process what had happened a while ago. It was a new year. New opportunities. Maybe this was that opportunity. That good sign. Maybe God has listened to his prayers...


	2. Alone?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Part 2 at Starship/Dorm

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just smth about Nu'Bility's members.  
> ->KWAK TAEHYUK-Leader / Vocal-1991.03.05  
> ->PARK BYUNGHWA- Vocal/1993.05.30  
> ->SHIN JEONGWOOK-Main Vocalist/1993.08.07  
> ->IM CHANGKYUN-Rapper/1996.01.26  
> ->HAN JONGYEON/Maknae/1998.05.21  
> Group disbanded in early 2013 and we got no news from them since 1st july 2013 so i guess I.M joined Starship August.

He was tired. Physically, emotionally and mentally. He needed a siesta. He was hungry. He was confused. But he was hopeful and positive. That’s the most important.  
He walked on the halls of the company to get another sandwich. Yep. Another one which would hopefully end up in his stomach this time. He saw on his way two other trainees. Rappers. He knew them. He had had rapping battles with them for every monthly evaluation. He had only lost once and this was the first month he joined Starship. After that, he had been the champion three times straight for that section of trainees.  
He greeted them and they greeted him back. Changkyun was going to just continue walking when one of them asked: "Hey did a woman come to see you rapping with the choreographer?"  
He stopped and turned back.   
-Yes. I see I am not the only one.  
-Apparently she visited almost all rapper trainees of our “generation”.   
-Do you know the reason?-Changkyun became even more curious.  
-Nope. No idea.   
-A! The new year just began. Maybe they are trying to do something new. Some kind of new way of evaluating us.. Anyway imma get something to eat. See you around.   
He never talked too much to others. No matter if they were friendly or not. He was just focusing on his job and considered them all enemies. But this way of handling them wasn’t that satisfactory. He sometimes felt like he needed a friend. And sometimes he felt like talking to someone other than mentors but he couldn’t talk to them about what happened today tho…  
So in the end it wasn't only him. She visited others too. Well he had one visitor more. That rapper hyung. Maybe he was his fan now. Lol. He wished.   
Second sandwich. He ate it while going back to the practice room. It was 2pm. These days he was kinda free. People at the company were on holiday. Half of his mentors were gone. He had no busy schedule for at least 2 days more. But he didn't like doing nothing all day. He thought about asking the mentors to have a small rap competition today or tomorrow. But would he consider? Why not?  
He passed all the practice room till he saw one if the mentors in charge. He knocked. The mentor saw him and looked at another direction and said something. Apparently he wasn't alone. He smiled. After that he came himself to open the door.   
-Changkyun. What brings you here?  
\- I was just gonna ask for something and go.  
-What is that?  
-A small rap battle between other trainees. You know I like being busy.  
-Others will not like it. - he said with a smile.-But why ask me? You guys can do it even amongst yourselves.  
-Because I want it to be like an official thing. I want to be evaluated more. So I can improve this year.  
-Ah I see. Well today it’s kinda busy so maybe imma organize it tomorrow.   
-Thank you hyung.

* * *  
It was 9pm when he went back to his bed. This was the first not-so-busy day but also a weird one. He would understand tomorrow why but now he just relaxed. In that room he felt lonely. He wanted to call somebody but who? Maybe his family? Yes. He wanted to hear his mom’s voice. It had been some days since she called and wished him a happy new year. He took the phone and dialed the number. He waited but nobody answered. Seems like she was out... His big brother was on military service. Couldn’t call him anymore without notice. His dad was busy with his work over and he didn’t want to worry him since the timezone in his dad’s place was different. There was still early for him to leave work. So he really was alone then. What about his ex fellow members but could he just call them and say hi? Maybe is hyung Jeongwook? He understood him so much. He was his favourite hyung.   
He dialed the number. Waited. He was really hoping for him to open the phone. And he did!  
-Hello?  
\- Jeongwook Hyung?!-said Changkyun and he thought to himself he sounded too excited.  
-Changkyun-ah? Hey bro? How are you?  
-You actually opened the phone. I thought you would be busy.  
-Hm..Of course I opened. Im not that busy as you think.   
That’s right. After the group disbanded Jeongwook didn’t sign up to any other agencies. Yet.  
-Ah. I see. I just.. hm.. called to say hi.  
-Of course you did. You are not feeling ok huh? It’s always like this. Even that night before the Special Girl performance you didn’t sleep and actually woke me up at 2am! I still remember dude!  
Changkyun let out a small laugh. The poor hyung woke up like a zombie and his voice was so funny. Sounded like he was drunk!  
-Ahaha! Yes! Me too!  
-So what is it this time Changkyun?  
-Noting really. I just wanted to talk.   
-Ah! How is it going in Starship?  
-Great that you asked.-he explained it all. It felt so good to be able to let it go from his chest.  
-This can not be bad. Not at all. Think positively. I really think they are up to something and if they see potential in you then god bless you boi! I am sure you are doing your best so there is no chance for them to forget you! I know it man! Be positive buddy! You will see I was right!  
-Damn hyung! How can you be like this?  
-I was born like this!-his self appreciation was the same as ever.  
-Thanks hyung! I needed this. That’s why you are my fav hyung!  
-Anytime dude! By the way… how are the girl trainees there?  
-Hyung! Lol! Woah you haven’t changed at all!-Changkyun laughed hard. It wasn’t even that much of a joke but he felt so good! And happy.-I haven’t been able to check at all!   
-Such a liar!!   
And so they talked for about 1 hour. Talked about their families, the past, the future. They laughed and Changkyun felt protected and loved once again.


	3. A chance in No.Mecy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> how did the news get to Changkyun? who told him? how did he take it?  
> He was gonna join No.Mercy to fill empty spaces. To make a good show.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry it took so long! i wrote this at 11pm since i had no time. school is killing me. English is not my first lang so pls understand grammar mistakes. tell me about them so i can edit. enjoy!

Ck chapter3 

 

He woke up. Didn't see any dreams last night. It had been a while since he saw one. He looked up. Rays of sunshine had pierced through the shutters and created some weird but warm pattern on the ceiling. He got up and opened the window. Let the sun in, with its full power. He saw the view. Well, there was not much to see. Just a bunch of old, colorless buildings and a small blue sky strong enough to make itself shown through those. Changkyun breathed the cold morning air. It looked like a beautiful January morning and he hoped the whole day would be like that too. 

Changkyun chewed some food from the fridge. It was some kimchi that his mother had made about a week ago for the new year. When she called 2 days later she asked him if he was eating well. He was. He thought so, even tho the kimchi dish was almost untouched. From his room he went straight to the practice room. He didn't even have a shower. He slid his fingers through his hair and felt his hair. He had died it from brune to blonde and from blonde to black. His hair was never gonna be like before. He hoped that at least, his scalp would survive.  
He opened the door to the practice room and wanted to go in. it had been two days since that weird day. Something felt odd. But he didn’t want to think much. Why would he? If something bad was gonna happen, you can’t predict it or postphone it by your thoughts. Yesterday he didn’t battle with others in rap. For some reason the mentor couldn’t help him. But now it was a new day. And this day..was just as other ones. He just practiced. He got his songs evaluated. He practiced on his dance and damn.. his knee was not in the best condition. Maybe it was because of the weather. That wet air maybe had something to do with it. But he wasn’t a doctor. He couldn’t ask to go for a check up. He was afraid they would see that as a weakness and this would be a losing point for him. He kept quiet. Like always..

It was almost 8pm when the mentor came into the practice room where Changkyun was. CEO wanted to meet the boy.  
"CEO?" He asked surprised. He didn't do anything bad right? Didn't he meet CEO's expectations? Was he gonna get cut from the company? He was getting so worried. Not again please. All these bad thoughts coming to his mind! He had all those dark feelings growing from his chest. Fear. Anxiety. His breathing got heavier.  
"Don't worry Changkyun. I don't think is something serious."  
The mentor directed him to the CEO office. It was at the highest floor of the building. The door opened and Changkyun was left there. He saw the CEO. Saw the cold woman, the rapper who was with her two days ago,K.Will and some other people sat at a round table and all them had their eyes on him. His eyes didn't know where to look.  
"Please sit down" Said the cold woman.  
"Lim Changkyun" The CEO spoke. Omg..Changkyun gulped.  
"You got evaluated two days ago from two people. There is a specific meaning to that."  
Omg of course there was. They were the ones who chose who would still be a trainee and who would not.. He prayed so hard. He was so scared. His knees were shaking. His heart was beating so loud and fast. His eyes were getting teary. He was indeed a strong young man. But only because his dream made him strong. If he get cut one more time...  
"You have watched No.Mercy right? You know we film those episodes a week or more ahead. And after one mission we plan the other one and set the battling teams. As the show proceeds we are left with 9 trainees and 3 rappers. For the next mission we planed 2 teams. 3 vocals and two rappers. There is needed another rapper, you see. So we plan on adding one more. You were evaluated and chosen as one of the best to join No.Mercy. We need a good rapper because where would the fun be then?"  
The fun?  
" We want to put you on the show if you agree. If not there are some other who will do the job. So what do you think?"  
Wait... did he hear him correctly? Was it a dream? He sounded so savage and merciless. But nevertheless he was giving a chance.  
"Do you need time to think? Unfourtunately we don’t have time to wait. So will you join?”

Why wouldn't he? This was a golden ticket! This was a once in a lifetime opportunity! If he didn't catch that another trainee would. He wanted to debut as much as the other trainees on that show. Maybe even more! No need to think much. He wanted to debut too.  
“Yes. I will join the show.”  
“Great. So let me update you. Today we ended filming and the result is that Minkyun, a vocal is eliminated. Your enemies now are again three. You will join the show soon. There are some more episodes to go so do your best as long as you remain on the show. You are not allowed to spread this information to anyone. It will be tough for you as you join in the middle. And we need your name. will you be represented as ‘Changkyun’ or do you prefer another stage name? Anyway make sure to get one.That’s all. Any questions?”  
“I am sure the news itself was a lot to take in right?” K.Will spoke with that smile of his. Looked warm but nothing could make Changkyun feel anything. He was there confused and didn’t know what to do or what to say.  
“Yes.” He managed to say.  
“So that’s it. You can go now”  
He stood up. Not sure what he was supposed to do. He bowed several times to them and thanked almost 100 times. When he walked out of that door he could easily feel his legs shaking when he made a step forward. And with those shaken steps he went to his room.

His head was full… He went into the bathroom. Took off his clothes and opened the hot water. He got a long shower hoping that the water would clean his thoughts. He squized some shampoo over his head and began rubbing all over his hair. Opened the hot water again and stood there letting it slide all over his body taking negative feelings with it. He lost the sense of time. He didn’t get out until it had passed 30minutes. He took a towel, dried himself and put it around his waist. One thing he really like about his room was that he was alone. No room-mates. He could be naked if he wanted to. His dorm did not have a very good warming system so he had to wear something even though he didn’t want to. Put on a pair of briefs, grey trousers and a white hoodie and straight to bed with his hands over his head and thought.  
We has gonna join No.Mercy. he was gonna join that show because there were not enough rappers. Because he needed to fill the spot. Because he needed to make a good show. Because he needed to make only a fun show…for the public. For the views. It sounded so savage when you put it that way. But the truth is that he was given a chance. He had won it proving his best. He wasn’t just a random pick. He was someone who was worth it and this was proved by the people on that round table. He was a good show. If the CEO didn’t think he would survive he will change his thought! Yes! That’s what he thought. He was gonna take this opportunity and do his best! It will not be fun to get eliminated as soon as he went in so he joined thinking about winning! Winning was his goal too now! He also considered the other boys who tomorrow would be…well not so happy about this. They are.. no! everyone is gonna say “Oh that’s the guy who came in the middle of the show!” he didn’t want that! we wanted to be knows as for who he was. For who is he gonna show in No.Mercy. As IM Changkyun! And that’s where he know his future stage name. “I.M” I am what I am. Not someone from the middle show.  
Tomorrow was going to be a big day. Not only for him. It was gonna be hard. He knew it but he was not giving up! Not now, no ever! With these thoughts he went to sleep.  
 


	4. From Changkyun to I.M

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> First day on the dorm for Changkyun. Behind the scenes of No.Mercy ep8.

Chap4  
His rap mentor came at his room door at 11am. "Come, get ready. You are going to have dinner with some people from the company." Changkyun didn’t even sleep that much so when he came he got dressed fast, washed his face and damn… he saw himself. His face trouble were still as bad as before.  
He was taken to a restaurant. He was nervous. he asked the mentor about this confusing dinner but he knew nothing. That's what he said. They sat in a table, drank coffee and talked a little bit. The mentor got calls many times. I.M jumped a little from his chair every time his phone rang. "Seems like they will be a little late."  
"Just tell me who is it already."  
"Well people from the show. Show directors and others like this. And also K.Will."  
"K.Will?"  
"Yeah. He will speak to you about some things regarding to this change in the show."  
"Oh...I see" So he was gonna talk to them...  
It was 5pm when I.M and the mentor came back to the restaurant from a walk. K.Will had called. He was waiting for them sitting in a table with a coffee on his hand. They joined him. All the day had passed sitting on chairs, waiting and waiting.  
“Hello.” Said Changkyun to the idol and bowed 90 degrees with his legs that now started to tremble.  
“Hello there. Hello SeungChan! You are just in time” K.Will saluted the man.  
“Yeah.” The mentor said and sat next to K.Will. “Chankyun take a seat”  
He sat next to his mentor and couldn’t look at the other man. "Today you are meeting the trainees."  
Wait what the hell? He didn't know! The CEO said he was gonna join soon but not this soon! “You are given a great opportunity.” Said the idol. “It’s up to you now to use this and do your best. It’s going to be hard for you from now on. You won’t have a great welcome. You don’t need to think much to know that the boys won’t like someone new. But they will understand it at some point.”  
Changkyun gulped. It is true as hell. The won’t like it? They will hate it! How can he join in the middle now that they have fought that much? He hated himself in that moment and he was sure he would hate himself more as time went on.  
“Have you thought of your stage name?”  
“Yes. It’s I.M.”  
“I M like two letters?”  
“Yeah. Two letters and a dot in the middle.”  
“Ah I see. Any special meaning to that?”  
“I want to be seen as myself. That’s what I represent. I am what I am.”  
"Okay I will let the staff know that as soon as possible."  
K.Will bought a plate full of meat and some side dishes for Changkyun.  
"Eat now. I doubt you will get a chance to put anything in your mouth later."  
He was right. Neither him or the trainees would eat after the introduction. But I.M didn't eat much. He wasn't hungry. He was full of stress and anxiety. And it was just the beginning. He was getting use to the idea of meeting them... It was damn sudden. He felt like throwing up. His stomach was feeling weird..  
"Boys are here" A person from the staff came and informed them.  
"That's okay. Make them sit at the other side of the restaurant. Tell them I will join later."  
"I am leaving now." Said the mentor. The young rapper saw him with some puppy eyes. Some really sad/ nervous puppy eyes.  
"Don't worry boy. It's gonna be alright. Make me proud!"  
"Goodbye hyung!" He said getting up from the chair and bowed.  
He was left alone with the cruel judge. He didn't see him in the eye. The only thing he was looking at was the plate of meat almost untouched. They stayed in silence for a while.  
"I'm sorry I can't start a conversation with you." K.Will spoke. "I am informed about your trainee history now. But I can't really talk because I can't get attached to you. To a No.Mercy competitor. I know of you as much as I know of others in the show. So I am going to keep it that way. But you must be having a lot of mixed feelings about what's happening.  
"Yes." He said and the word came out by itself.  
"It's okay. I understand. But you must also feel proud right? From all others we choose the best. And you got they opportunity. This must be a great motivation for you. Courage must be over fear."  
I.M didn't speak but he knew the man was right. But knowing doesn't make it feel less nervous.  
"I am leaving. Eat while I'm gone. I will come back to get you and introduce you to the others."  
K.Will stood up and touched him the shoulder. He was still a human. No matter what he said, the truth is that he knew some of the trainees well because they have been in the company for long and have often caught his eyes on the halls. He knew Nuboyz members and also Kihyun, whose voice was highly loved by the vocal mentors. He didn't want to know more for anyone because it would be hard when he says the "Goodbye". 

* * * 

How did it go? Everyone can imagine. I.M was getting stared at with so much hate. He sat there, in the middle of the table and felt like it was harder to breathe.  
"You came at the worst timing"  
Well it's not like he wanted to come late. He would have come since the start of the show but it wasn't his decision. He was sent to the worst timing.  
"We can't really welcome you right now."  
He wasn't expecting a party so there was nothing to worry about.  
"We lost Minkyun yesterday and to think you replaced him.. We can not be that nice."  
Hm.. Replacing? He was not a vocal who came to replace a lost one. He was added. Him being in the show wouldn't make Minhkyun's progress be for nothing. He was a trainee more so 12+1=13 not 12.  
It looked like it lasted so long but after K.Will was gone, the trainees were taken at the company to film the individual interviews. There was a special room with No.Mercy poster back round and the boys would sit and talk. More like answering to the questions the staff made. I.M was the first to go. He was not used to the cameras yet but that was the last thing to worry about. He spoke his mind. He was honest. But if they asked him if he was nervous. He would say "Hell yes I am! Have you seen the way they stared at me? They want me dead!" But they asked other things.  
"Why did you accept?"  
He had thought about it a whole night. So many thoughts. Feelings. He tried to put them in a sentence.  
It's once in a life opportunity there is no reason for me not to take this chance.  
"What do you think about competition and elimination?"  
He brought to his mind the CEO's words. ~Make a good performance as long as you stay on the show.~  
He hated the thought of adding him just for a good show. It hurt so much but in the end he would give his best anyway. So competition was real now and elimination? Not fun at all. He was gonna show his CEO and all others that he can not only make a good show, but the best!  
"It won't be fun if I get eliminated as soon as I join. I can make it through. I'm sorry but I wanna debut as well."  
He ended his interview better than he thought. Jooheon was second. When he was going into the room his shoulder met Changkyun's, who almost lost his balance. It wasn't on purpose. That's what it seemed. But it didn't feel like it. One by one every trainee ended their interviews. It lasted some good time to finish all those. Almost 5 hours. During that time there was only one empty seat near Minhyuk. It was one more chair for the new trainee. But he didn't sit. And no one cared. No one seemed to notice the empty chair. It looked like everyone was suddenly blind to see it.  
The boys traveled in two big vans. In the first one there were I.M, Kihyun, Shownu, Wonho, Hyungwon, Yoonho. Changkyun was the first to take a seat at the end of the van and he noticed the others arguing with their eyes about who would sit next to him. The oldest one, Shownu didn't really care, he just wanted Kihyun to stop giving a cold/threatening stare at others. He didn't know why, but he felt like it was his job to stop the quarrels or small fights. When I.M saw Shownu up close he thought he really was calm and quiet just like he seemed on tv. During the drive only two sentences were spoken.  
"I can't wait to go to bed and sleep!"  
"As expected of you. But this time i wanna sleep early too."  
A small dialogue between Hyungwon and Wonho.  
Their van arrived first. They waited till the others came. And by others I mean trainees, managers, staff, PDs, writers etc.  
I.M followed the others quietly up the stars, head down, legs shaking. The dorm was small and such a mess but he didn't really care. He saw his luggage near the door he just entered from and thought others had seen it too. The company had packed his stuff! He didn't like it. going through his things like that but he had nothing to hide and beside that it was Starship..they had the right to do anything. He had bigger problems to take care than just Starship doing him dirty. He knew everyone hated the thought of him living in their "home". He wanted to hide but the cameramen came too and he was forced to join others.  
"Minkyun-ah!" Jooheon called.  
"Minkyun!"  
Apparently Minkyun had gone after cleaning his things and the whole living room. His toothbrush, his shoes, his bed sheets had gone. Everything of him. Like he was never there.  
The atmosphere was so cold. Jooheon was facing Minkyun's bed and looked so sad. Everyone knew how close he was with the eliminated trainee. They promised to debut together but reality was hitting so hard. After some time he joined the others in the living room. They did this every night. Get together and speak about their feelings. Every one was there. Some sitting on the sofa and some on the Seokwon bed. Guess who wasn't there? Changkyun. He was outside the room listening to the whole conversations but couldn't join. It didn't feel right. He though that even his breathing was not allowed to be heard.  
"We were so stupid. Eating BBQ. We should have known." Hyungwon pointed.  
"Yeah! Why else would K.Will buy us dinner?" #Gun joked.  
"Really no mercy huh?" The tallest one continued.  
"More like No.Fucks.To.Give.For.Your.Hard.Work." Jooheon exploded.  
"Hey Jooheon. What are you saying? Cut this please." Wonho reacted. Guys were shocked by the sudden words but they understood him.  
"Well it was a show since the beginning. Anyway it doesn't change much. We still have to work hard." Shownu's turn to speak.  
"Yeah. This is a competition after all. We just had stupid thoughts in our minds." Jooheon was so down.  
Minhyuk sighed. "I feel so tired"  
It passed some really quiet minutes after this last sentence. The one who broke the silence was Shownu who, just like others, had the new trainee in mind but unlike them he did something to make I.M join.  
"Hey Seokwon go talk to the new guy." Yep. He told another one to do the job.  
"He is your age. Tell him where his bed is and stuff." Well the logic was there.  
Seokwon's face could be read by them all. He didn't want to.  
"Don't force him hyung." Minhyuk spoke.  
" Look. We are all taken by surprise but he is now part of the show. I'm sure he didn't want this either. I'm sorry for Minkyun too but..  
"I'm not mad at him.. I just feel frustrated."  
Everyone was listening. They were all thinking about what to do and how to take this.  
On the interview Kihyun said that he didn't like it. The fact of another one joining in half way. Anyway he wasn't a vocal so he wasn't his rival. He was another boy who desperately want to debut. Just like them. His eyes caught a shadow behind the door. Changkyun's who must have heard all. He tried to put himself in his shoes and it felt bad. He didn't know what to feel but he decided to stand up and go over to the spying shadow.  
"Come sit to the living room with us." He said those words and sounded like an order.He saw Changkyun's face. He looked in pain and he was almost sure he was shaking. Did he feel bad for the new guy? Should he? Thoughts had make everybody confused. It happened so fast and now they had to bear with it. Kihyun left to the bathroom and a luggage near the main door caught his eyes. It was real. He now had to wake another sleepy head every morning.  
He went back to the others and sat at #Gun's place who apparently had gone after I.M entered.  
"Regardless to the show this means we have 13 trainees, not considering eliminations." Seokwon spoke and set the end of conversations.  
Everyone looked once to the new guy. Apart from the confusion they also thought he looked old... Kihyun saw Shownu next to I.M again. He was impressed how well the oldest was handling the situation, being chill, quiet, rational and caring for the lonely guy. He even sits next to.... oh wait. Shownu left. Kihyun smiled. *So now he is not that caring anymore huh? Lol* But then Wonho left too, followed by Hyungwon and Kihyun didn’t feel like smiling anymore. He left too and joined Shownu and Hyungwon.  
"Why did you leave?" Kihyun asked and layed on his bed.  
"Mood was heavy and I also had to poop"  
Shownus jokes. Always low quality but that’s why they were funny. The amount of effort in them was just unreal.  
"What about him? Lemme guess. Just sleep huh?"  
"Uh-Huh."  
"About the new guy.."  
"What about him?"  
"Where will he sleep? Not in Minkyun's bed. Doesn’t sound good having him in the same room with Jooheon."  
"He won't be killed tho.. And Jooheon will for sure understand the situation fast. We are not children."  
"Yes I know but still. Just in case. Let's make him sleep on the black sofa in the living room."  
"With seokwon?"  
"Yeah they are same age right?"  
"And?"  
"What *and*? You used the same logic and told Seokwon to bring I.M in the living room."  
"Anyway. Go check if he agrees."  
Kihyun went at the room where Jooheon, Minhyuk, #Gun and Seokwon were.  
"In the living room with me?"  
"Yeah. Unless someone volunteers and sleep on your bed."  
No one wanted to. Seokwon sighed and accepted.  
"It sucks to be the youngest you know?"  
Everyone laughed.  
"No we don’t know! We are not you!" Always Minhyuk. This boy..  
"At least come at the living room don't leave me alone."  
"He won't eat you small kid." Kihyun spoke.  
"Look who is talking."  
"Hey! Minhyuk! Im older than you okay! Respect!"  
"Will you go now Seokwon?" Asked Minhyuk after the laughter was over.  
"Yeah. Now or later. What's the difference?"  
"Okay. I'm coming with you."  
Minhyuk, Seokwon went to the living room and found Yoonho and I.M alone. 

"It's okay. I understand. If I were you I wouldn't be welcoming either."  
I.M's voice was so deep. He didn't look or sound like a 20 year old. They all thought that appart from other things.  
Boys entered and interrupted the youngest two and as soon as they did this the door bell rang. It was their so called manager. Someone who was in charge of the No.Mercy trainees. He had bought them food cause he knew they would die of hunger. Kihyun's skills as a cook were not enough for that army. As soon as the word food was heard, the living room was full of joy. You could see boys rushing to eat. Only Hyungwon was left out because he was asleep and Jooheon because he wasn't hungry. Kihyun was the one who took the food and again that luggage keeps calling him. After he left the boxes in the hands of Minhyuk, he spoke to I.M.  
"I saw you luggage out there. Take your clothes out and you can have this drawer. If you fold them well you wont need much space. Do you have much clothes? If you do, you can use this other one. This is smaller so use this for your inner wear."  
"Hm.. I think that will be enough. (mother)" He almost smiled because by the tone Kihyun spoke he looked like he was a mother who was gonna nag all day if you didn't do your chores correctly. I.M took his luggage, folded the clothes and his personal take care products were left. He didn't where to put them. There were perfumes, colognes, shaving machine and face creams. What to do? He felt like he couldn't even speak anymore. Everyone was eating and he was there. Looking as a statue.  
Who noticed I.M? Kihyun of course. He saw the younger with his bag of personal products on his hand. Was he just staring at it? He finished eating and took a look. He understood right away.  
"Bring those stuff here." He said and lead the Changkyun into the bathroom.  
"Let me see what you have there. Okay. Let the electric razor in this drawer under the sink. Perfumes into the mirror.. Wait lemme open some space." His skills as a mom were impressive. He took some colognes from somewhere and organised them at some other place inside the mirror. He put the small ones near each other and did the same with the big ones. At the end a small place was made just for I.M.  
"Hm.. There is something else." I.M said in such a low voice Kihyun almost didn't hear it.  
"What did you say?"  
"This." He said showing a small blue creme. "It's a moisturizer."  
Kihyun was interested in beauty products. He had lots of them but this blue one was a new thing to him.  
"Why put it in the fridge?"  
"For cooling effect."  
"Ahh I see. Wait.. Is this from aboad?" Well he knew what English writing looked like.  
"Yeah."  
"Oh.. Come. You saw the kitchen right?" Said Kihyun moving away from the toilet and headed to the other destination. "Our fridge is a mess but here.. Put it amongst these."  
"Okay."  
"Anything else?"  
"Shoes.."  
"Ah yes. Just put them wherever you find a place."  
When they both went to the living room they found the other chatting about tomorrow. Another day. Same goal.The cameramen, the staff all of them left. They had cut filming at some point and while I.M had his dorm tour they had packed all their stuff. I.M stood in the room not talking. Just listening. There was not much to listen to. They were nervous about the next mission. They were scared and hoped they lasted another day.  
"I.M these is your blanket. And you will sleep there where Shownu is sitting."  
"Hey doesn't Kihyun look just like a mom?" Wonho spoke. I.M wanted to scream and say *Yes! Ikr! He showed me the dorm and I had that thought all the time!* But he couldn't. He wasn't sure if he would ever make a joke anymore.  
"Yeah! Hahaa! That's true! Kihyun omma!" Minhyuk didn't let this pass by.  
"Anyway imma go now. You better sleep. It's annoying waking you guys up." Kihyun said.  
"Yeah let's all go sleep." #Gun said. No one had any conversation to make anymore. It was late and tomorrow they needed strength.  
Then again everyone was gone. Each if them in their beds. Having their own way of taking this. Some sleepy as soon as they set their head in the pillow like Hyungwon, Wonho, Kihyun and Shownu. Some others just closed their eyes and didn't speak at all, slept while being nervous and kept the anxiety for them self like Yoonho and Seokwon. Some others like Minhyuk, #Gun and Jooheon talked a lot about the question the staff had made on the personal interviews. *Will you befriend the new trainee?*  
I.M was staring at the ceiling. He was scared. It's not like he was gonna get killed or something. Just the thought of being hated made his heart feel heavy. His head hurt and he was hungry. He got off bed and went to the bathroom walking on his toes. He didn't even turn the lights on. He used his iPod to see. His face was still unwashed from the base make up. He didn't forget but the 9 boys were fighting for their turn and him blocking the toilet for some minutes would be another reason for an unpleasant situation. He cleaned his face and breathed in. Closed his eyes and raised his head up. He was strong. He knew this would happen. Nothing is easy. All this would pass. "It's all gonna be okay. Maybe not tomorrow but eventually." He thought this end left the bath watching the floor. When he looked up, lightened the way to see through the darkness he saw Jooheon. It scared the hell outta him!  
"OH FXXX!"  
"SHIII...!!"  
I.M bit his lip cause he realised he had said something he shouldn't have.  
"What are you doing?!" Whispered Jooheon.  
"I was in the bathroom."  
"Why don't you turn the lights on dude?!"  
"I.. Didn't want to wake anyone by doing that.. Or bother.. You could have turned them on yourself.."  
"I know the dorm by feel I don't need to see to take 10 steps. Damn just.... move I need to go in."  
"I am sorry for waking you up."  
"You didn't. I woke up to eat someth...." Jooheon stopped talking cause a weird sound came from I.M's stomach. He was hungry. Just like him. "Didn't you eat with others?"  
"Ah! No I didn’t.. But it's okay! I will eat tomorrow morning. I'm going to sleep now."  
Jooheon saw him leave. He had so much to worry about and now this dude is another one on the list. What should he do? He had spoken with Minhyuk and #Gun. Minhyuk said he would ignore him and do his job while the other does his. But minhyuk was a vocal. And I.m was a rapper. Just like Jooheon, Yoonho and Gunhee. These three had the most pressure. But deep inside he knew that the young boy had no fault. He just wants to debut as much as them all. He just took his chance. He would do the same. It was hard to accept and hard to reject.  
Jooheon went to the living room. Turned on the light. I.M was awake.  
"What are you doing? Turn them off." Said he turning into a sitting position.  
"It's okay. He is a sleepy head. He won't wake up by the light. Here take this." Jooheon gave him a instant made ramen.  
"Hm...I told you it's oka..."  
"Eat it while it's still warm." Jooheon handed the bowl to I.M and the younger finally took it.  
"Thank you."  
"Sleep after you eat. And don't go around scaring and cursing people in english."  
"Ah! Sorry about that."  
"Yeah. It's okay just..." He wanted to say *Just use korean next time so they can understand.* But something kept im from making the joke. "Just turn on the lights. No one wakes up here. We are dead asleep."  
"I understand."  
"Yeah.. Well Goodnight."  
"Goodnight"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry. i'm so busy with school. But here is a long chapter to make you forgive me. once again sorry if the grammar is not perfect, sorry if some words are repeated etc.


	5. First Day Of "School"

Changkyun didn't really sleep much. Maybe 3-4 hours. At around 8am he heard noises. He is a light sleeper and wakes up immediately. He heard people closing doors, bathroom sounds and of course Kihyun. That boy was waking everyone up. He used to do that with Kwangji but now he is alone. Then the "mom" came to the youngest's room. He opened the door in a rush and without even looking said the least favorite sentence for the trainees. (Sometimes they hated him for this.)   
"Hey open your... Oh... you are awake." The maknae was up and was sitting on his bed. He looked like he needed more sleep. And he looked pale. Anyway it wasn't Kihyun's job to worry about everyone. His gaze went from I.M to the other boy sleeping peacefully.   
"Seokwon! Wake up now! The staff will be here in an hour." He took the blankets away and the poor thing was obligated to wake up because he was cold.   
"Haiish.. Hyung!" Seokwon rolled on the bed and his eyes accidentally went to I.M. He looked away immediately, facing the ceiling. It wasn't a nightmare. It was real.   
I.M saw what everyone was doing. It was a chaos. 9 Boys and a small bathroom. Not the greatest combination. He noticed that Seokwon bathed together with Yoonho. At that moment he thought he would never do something like that with anyone. And then saw Wonho. Longest shower ever. Then Shownu. The fastest one.   
Hyungwon woke up last. And waited till Wonho was over. I.M thought it would be better if he always was the last to do anything. At least he wouldn't be a bother in these small things. So his turn would be after Hyungwon.   
Everyone was in the kitchen. I.M still in the living room. He folded his blankets, gave them to Kihyun, began folding his clothes for the second time... He was basically jobless. He wasn't welcomed in any room so he would just stay there doing whatever. Alone. After Hal an hour his clothes were organized perfectly.. What now? He just sat on the black couch. Waiting. Listening to the far voices from the kitchen and the sound of chopsticks hitting plates. Voices were almost whispers. Mentioning the new boy. And hoping this would be a joke. A prank by Starship. They were hyping up Yoonho and telling him that I.M was not someone anyone should fear of. I.M was just someone else who was..gonna get eliminated because he can't just come in midway and hope to a win.. And this I.M could not hear them anymore. He wanted to go in the shower and release all this bad feeling away. But after the shows they would still be there. Hating him.   
Hyungwon was out. Finally. I.M got up and went to him.   
"Can I take a shower now?" He asked the tallest boy who hadn't yet passed the bathroom door.   
"..." The model didn't even say a thing. He just saw I.M with some eyes that seemed like they wanted to eat him alive. His chin was all up and he pulled up his turtle neck and went away.   
I.M wasn't expecting much politeness. He knew they were mad. He was ready to accept their bitter feelings towards him. But it still hurt. Will they ever open up to him? He needed someone. To talk. To just..be there for him because they were not giving him any space to breathe. He hated himself.. He shouldn't..but he did in that moment.   
Hyungwon joined the others . They were all eating something around a small table. Some sitting in chairs and some standing.   
"Where is that boy?" Minhyuk asked.   
"He is in the bathroom." Hyungwon replied. They were all thinking about him. About his skills. Was better than the actual No.Mercy rappers?   
"How good can he be?" The talkative one strikes.   
"Who cares. We just need to prove we are better." #Gun spoke and it looked more like he was trying to say that to himself other than the trainees.   
"Today we will probably be set in teams. He will be part of a team too. How are we supposed to work with him?" Wonho had been thinking this since yesterday. He thought that he wouldn't be able to even look at him.   
"Whoever that team is, is gonna have a disadvantage. Teamwork? 0! I hope it's not me tho. Good luck to anyone who gets the misfortune."   
"Minhyuk shut up!" Kihyun spoke. "Maybe we will be divided in two groups. With two rappers."   
"They already did that Kihyun." Wonho thought that the show was gonna make more teams. "What if they make 4? One rapper for each group."   
"Omg Wonho. That's worse!" Minhyuk didn't like it. No one did. " I.M's team is already the loser."   
"We don't even know what his style of rap is. What if he can't rap in a group? He has probably never sang on the outside. How can he just come in the show?" Jooheon spoke for the first time. "Ahhh…I just wanna say to him that he is alone here. But in the same time I don't want to speak to him at all."   
"Let's wait and see. Not much time left. Where is he? Minhyuk go call him."   
"Why me Kihyun? You go. You are the mom here."   
"Yeah whatever." Kihyun was so done with him. He went himself to the bathroom and knocked. "Hey are you done?"   
Yeah. He was done. He washed really really fast. Got dressed and was ready. All black. He didn't seem to notice that his clothes were always chosen by his daily mood. And that day was not so hopeful. That's what morning made it look like. He opened the door and saw the guy who was almost as tall as him.   
"Go in the kitchen."   
It sounded exactly the same as the *Come sit in the living room with us* order from yesterday. But how could he just go? I.M was so damn nervous. He was nervous because of the show and now they were making him feel so guilty and bad. He went to the kitchen making small quiet steps, insecure ones and as soon as he entered the room, they stopped talking. Everyone looked at him to some seconds and then, just after that they looked at the ground as if their stare got lost. Some coughed. Same situation as yesterday in the "D" restaurant. Same feeling. Same breathtaking feeling of guilt passed through the newbie's heart. He couldn't look at their faces. And after some seconds that looked like hours, most of them left. Even those who hadn't finish their food.   
"I'm not hungry anymore." Minhyuk speaks and goes to another room.   
"Me too." Said Seokwon. They left the room passing I.M, who moved away to let them go. #Gun and Hyungwon bumped on his shoulder while leaving. And so on trainees avoided I.M. And it felt terrible.   
It was only him, Jooheon and Shownu.   
"I didn't want to come here." I.M spoke.   
"You mean the kitchen of the show?"   
*It's okay. I understand..* that's what Changkyun would practice saying for the next days.   
"Kitchen.. Kihyun hyung told me to come here." His voice sounded deep but not that strong. More like a whisper now.   
"Yeah. He probably wanted to tell you to hurry up. The staff is gonna be here so eat something." Shownu spoke after being sure that Jooheon wasn't going to say anything. But even after those words, Changkyun still didn't move from the door. He felt like his feet were glued on the floor.   
"Do you wanna eat?" He spoke again. But even this time it felt like.. What was he supposed to do? Just go over the fridge and take whatever he wanted? Eat like it was his food? Just walk near Jooheon like he is part of them now? He still didn't step in...   
"What are you doing? Just eat something! Here! Take this damn banana or this toast. Drink something for God's sake!"   
Jooheon couldn't stay quiet for long. He just opened the fridge and took whatever he found. Was it his job to feed the new trainee now? What had this new guy in mind? Was it his plan to make them feel bad? Wait? Was this plan working? Was he feeling bad? Why would he tho? He left the banana in the table and left too.   
"You better eat that now."   
*Yeah I guess you are right about that Shownu* I.M thought. The nice Jooheon who had given him ramen was gone. *Nice*.. More like felt sorry. But I.M didn't need someone to feel sorry for him. It was No.Mercy after all. He needed someone to talk to for all he was going through. And now he was sure that someone could never be one of these guys..   
Kihyun, Hyungwon, Shownu and I.M were in the second van. Changkyun had the same seat partner as before. They were heading to "Just Music" Studio. There will be revealed the new mission. During the whole drive, no one talked to I.M. No one could bear to even look at him without sending hate. But the drive made the rapper reflect on some things. It was true that they hated him. They can't forgive him for coming midway but at some point they will understand that he is now part of No.Mercy and he was gonna fight! The most important now was the performance and not the attitude of the boys. They were humans. At the end of the show all this will be over and he was gonna give his all to debut. What will they do when he makes it? It's their problem. If it is hard now, its going to get better the next day. He cleared his mind. His priority was the rapping. He must not worry about anyone's thoughts and behavior. He had to do well!   
And just after this monologue he did with himself something happened. Others were waiting. Managers were speaking on the phone. And I.M was the least to go out of the van when he fell on his knee. His bad knee... It hurt so bad. All his weight went there and he felt like dying. He could swear he heard a crack from the inside. He let a "Ah..shiit.." But others didn't hear. Changkyun was sure they noticed. But he got up. Biting his lip and saw them looking at him and then turning their heads away. No one cared. Why would they. Everybody trips. No need to make it a big deal..right? He stood there near the van far from the boys. It hadn't even been 24 hours since their meeting and he was feeling worse than he imagined. He thought he was strong. That he was flexible and could face any situation but they were giving him such a hard time. He kept the feelings for himself and that's not good. He needed to release all he had inside.   
On the other side. The trainees saw him falling. They were not bad people. They wanted to help. But they froze. How could they help that guy?   
"Is he trying to make us feel bad?" Seokwon spoke.   
Jooheon remembered last night. The hungry maknae was accidentally exposed by his stomach noises. Making the older rapper feel something other than hate. Maybe he felt bad then. And now. And maybe tomorrow too. Was it his plan?   
All were childish thoughts but, everything, no matter how small, turned into another reason to hate him. They couldn't help it. After some time they went up the stairs and I.M pretended like he was all fine and bit his lip everytime his knee hurt. In every step...   
For the next stage they had to work with some artists. K.Will had told them since some days ago. The artists were in the judging panel for the 3rd debut mission. Apparently there were gonna be two teams. Giriboy, Mad Clown, Jooyoung team and Vasco, Junggigo, Nochang team. Giriboy and Nochang had written songs for their squad. And the winning one would be able to release it. Losers would say goodbye to one trainee. This sounded like a slap to them all. But everyone in some moment thought about the new guy's elimination. It was logical. His team would flop because the teamwork would suck and who was gonna be the fault? I.M.   
"We will now announce the teams" Junggigo said. This time their hearts had something more to be afraid. Another reason to beat faster. They all worried about having I.M in their team.   
"Wonho, Kihyun, Seokwon, Jooheon and..   
*Please don't call him!* Everyone whose name was called had this sentence in mind. They repeated it as much as they could. No use..   
"And I.M will be on Giriboy's squad. The others can do the math themselves."   
This was like a punch in the face for them. Meanwhile #Gun, Yoonho, Hyungwon, Minhyk, Shownu were lucky.   
Both teams went into different rooms. Discussing about the mission. I.M entered last, as always, and guys were in front of him. He had to move but he didn’t know next to whom would he stand. He stepped forward and stood near Jooheon.   
“So now let’s hear the song first.” Giriboy said.   
It was amazing. It was so catchy. Changkyun was feeling it and started to get into it, moving his hand to the rhythm and already imagining the great rap that could be written out of this melody. It ended. Everyone had liked it. They clapped. His would make a very good song. The squad was excited. The producers were too. They were so confident. Such a nice hopeful atmosphere. And hen Mad Clown looked at I.M.   
“By the way the new trainee.”   
Everyone looked at Mad Clown.   
“I think I never heard your rap.”   
“Yeah” I.M replied.   
"Do you think you will be better than Jooheon?"   
Damn. Almost he same question as that woman. Seriously? How can he compare himself to Jooheon? Different style.. But same genre. What could he say? He replied with the same answer. He needed to be confident. Or if he was not, at least look. Others froze. They wanted to know the answer. How confident was he? Did he really think he would be better?   
"Yes"   
Jooheon let a weird sound come from his mouth. Like he already knew it. Well everyone would have said the same thing e thought. It was no surprise.   
"A little hesitant" Mad clown said before asking him to rap.   
Trainees were all curious too. Now they were in a team. They wanted to win. They couldn’t let anyone get eliminated. Well it wouldn’t be bad if I.M did, but what if judges liked his performance and decided to eliminate another? So they didn’t want to risk. And it was logical. They had to win. To earn points for themselves. They needed the new trainee to be good. Now.. Yeah.. they were hoping he would be a talented rapper. *Please be good*   
This was his time. I.M was nervous and he bit his lip. He thought he had to rap his *own piece of work*. He went forward and started. During the whole time he didn’t even have to try. Sometimes he felt like his voice would shake or crack but it never did. It was stable and deep as the quiet sea. His voice was a gift from heaven. Kihyun gulped.   
"Damn he is good."He thought.   
Wonho and Seokwon didn’t move or express anything with their face or body. Jooheon listened carefully.. Just like the artists he tried to find I.M's good and bad points in rap. Thought if their collaboration work out. Well it was not that bad after all.   
In the end Changkyun thought… Should I end it like that or not? Yep… he did end it like that.   
“That’s me. FXXX!”


	6. First steps to a team

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I.M in Giriboys team.. Tension rising.. It is real now

Trainees clapped. They waited to hear Mad Clown’s review. Giriboys seemed to have liked it.  
“Compared to #Gun…”  
So #Gun was Jooheon’s no.1 rival and friend there. To be better than him it meant to be almost as good as Jooheon. To be worse than him, it meant he had to fight Yoonho. They didn’t want I.M to debut. They had fought so much. But they also wanted him to be a help for Giriboy’s team too. So he had to be good. Better than the other team. It was crazy..  
“…Your rap sounds more stable.”  
“Wooho” Others seemed excited. Actually yes. Because that meant they had now the best rapper, no.1 and I.M who had a rap more stable than #Gun. Better than Gunhee… It hurt to even think that. But it was a fight u the beginning. I.M of course became more confident. But he also accepted that his rap needed more work to be even better than Jooheon's.  
“Now let’s sit and talk about the performance.” Giriboy spoke.  
Well boys didn’t have chairs so they sat on the floor. I.M took off his jacked and even this time he sat near Jooheon. Artists talked about the dance where of course Wonho would help. Talked about dividing the lines, the concept, clothes etc.  
All the time Jooheon looked like he was thinking hard of something. He was there but sometimes he got lost in thoughts. He was worried. About the team. He didn’t want to talk to the new boy but now they were in the same team. He couldn’t avoid him. He couldn’t do that since the beginning where the new guy introduced himself as I.M the 20 year old rapper. He had to work with him and to do that the can’t just go in separate rooms and write lyrics, dance in different practice rooms or practice rapping along with vocals in different schedules.  
The meetings ended. Nochang’s team left its room first. They waited till Giriboy’s one came out. Well till I.M and Jooheon were out because vocalist stayed inside a little more. They were asked to make the bridge of the song themselves. While Jooheon joined others, he saw for just a moment how Changkyun leaned on the door where they just went out from, how he looked down, how he didn’t speak a word and how he didn’t look like he was gonna try to approach them. Well Jooheon couldn’t really blame him. After Honey took his eyes off him, just for a second the youngest left to the bathroom. The one who noticed it was #Gun. Others were busy discussing what the artist had said. And while they were so into that talk Gunhee went in the bathroom too.  
He opened the door and saw I.M standing in front of the mirror. He didn’t know why but he had some…hate…anger towards him and no matter how he tried to stay calm this boy just.. made him feel angry. He was now in a team with Jooheon. Why him? Why not JooGun? Why not those two? The two rapper friends of No.Mercy? Damn! He needed to fight this man for real so he could debut with his friend. But how good was the new guy?  
“You are here.” He tried to speak.  
I.M didn’t reply. Just began washing his hands so he could justify his staying in the bath. He thought #Gun would leave as soon as he found out where the newbie was. But no. Instead Gunhee went closer to him. Changkyun gulped. He felt threatened. Why? He couldn’t hurt him. He wasn’t that mean or stupid. But just the door closing and the deep sound of the steps made him feel some thing negative.  
“So you are a rapper huh? I’m curious about what your way of rapping is.”  
Changkyun knew everyone was curious about that.  
“Since we are here, rap something.”  
What the hell? Did he really say that? How could I.M just rap in the bathroom for him to hear? #Gun wanted to know against who was fighting for but I.M thought that no matter if his man knew or not his rapping style his effort should be the same. What was the point of him asking the question? Changkyun didn’t reply. Again.  
“C’mon! Don’t be shy. Show me what you got so I can see who my rival is.”  
He could forget it! I.M wasn’t gonna rap there.  
“Why?” Actually I.M wanted to speak in another, harsher way but he was in no position to be cocky.  
“What do you mean why? I need to see how good you actually are god damn it!” He didn’t shout. He smiled. More like smirked and talked loudly.  
“What’s the point? Shouldn’t you just do your best anyway. Why do you need to hear me rap?”  
“Aish really now! What the heck?” #Gun went closer to I.M. Saw him in the eyes and the younger took a step back to the wall on his right to avoid the boy on the left.  
“I just want to hear you rap! What’s wrong in that? Can you even rap? Do you even know what rap is? Did you come here…”  
“Hey Gunhee.” A calm but sharp voice came from the opened door.  
Jooheon noticed #Gun leaving and also the new trainee missing. Maybe they were together. He wanted to make sure everything was okay. He never thought his friend would do something mean like hitting I.M but still… he was worried. And he was right to be worried because he saw it himself. It was him who called from that door.  
“What are you doing?” He was shocked at #Gun’s action. I.M was touching the wall with his right shoulder and his face was covered by hair. It looked tense.  
“Jooheon. What’s wrong?”  
“I asked you what are you doing.”  
“I was just asking him to rap a little so I could see how good he is or what’s his style. There is no problem dude. Chill.” Gun said and moved away from I.M with a forced smile wanting to leave from the door but his friend caught his arm and looked at his eyes like he wanted to say: “I didn’t like what I saw”. Gun broke away from the gaze and continued to walk on the hall.  
I.M didn’t move. He stood in front of he mirror but had his head down, hands on the marvel of the sink and didn’t know what to do or how to react. Jooheon either.  
“What happened here?” Jooheon finally asked.  
Changkyun didn’t want to answer but since that morning he agreed that Jooheon was a very scary man sometimes and it was better to answer when he made a question.  
“You heard him. He wanted to hear me rap. I didn’t want to.”  
“Are..hm..are you okay?”  
“It’s okay.”  
Jooheon didn’t know what else to say. He had seen a weird scene. Maybe it was nothing to worry about, but behind that emotionless face I.M felt uncomfortable and threatened. He was his team mate now but in the same time he was someone who everyone couldn’t bear looking at. Protecting him felt like he was doing something wrong. Not protecting him felt more wrong.  
“You can go. I will join in a minute.” Said I.M and washed his hands for maybe the 6th time already. Jooheon’s legs felt heavy and he couldn’t move. Should he go and leave the younger alone? Or stay there wait for him a little bit more? He thought maybe his presence made I.M feel even more burdened so he walked away and while he took those steps he realized something. Realized that he actually wanted to stay there and…comfort him...  
Others saw #Gun coming. Then Jooheon and after him I.M. The rest of Giriboy’s team was there too. The vocalist had finished the talk and were waiting for them. No one noticed anything strange. Except Kihyun. He thought to let it go and ask Gun or Jooheon himself when they get to the dorm.  
Trainees got into vans. They sat as they did before and this time some talk happened. They were nervous because they would collaborate with great artists. The pressure was real. They talked about their producers. Their style. Their songs. But no need to mention that I.M never spoke. Instead he looked out of the window keeping always quiet.  
“It’s okay.” He kept repeating these word in his head. He was strong. Things would get better.  
Now they were headed to Starship. They would work on their songs. Firstly they all got together in a practice room. Discussing in front of the cameras about the same thing they talked about in the van or JustMusic Studio hall. Giriboy’s team bragged about how they had a white sticker that had “GIRIBOY” written in black. They looked already like a team. Then both groups were put into different rooms. All trainees moved to the other destination and Yoonho bumped his shoulder with I.M. Never looking him in the eye. Never thinking of apologizing. It was accidental. Yeah..right  
“It’s okay.” Changkyun thought. But something inside him hurt.  
Kihyun and Jooheon both now seemed to notice more things about the new boy. Like that bumping thing and the way I.M rubbed his knee often or strengthen his teeth when he stepped. They didn’t like Yoonho’s action but couldn’t say anything.  
Giriboy’s team was now alone. Awkward? Yep. No one spoke for like 10minutes after they sat on the ground. They didn’t know how to proceed. And then they heard noises. Voices. Calls. Apparently Gun and Hyungwon had gotten into a fight because the rapper wanted more lines than Yoonho. And in the end it all turned out to be a joke.  
“They were kidding.” Wonho said turning back to the room.  
“Why did they do that?” Seokwon asked.  
“To cheer Yoonho up because he didn’t feel good about all this… hm…” Yeah he didn’t feel good because I.M had entered the mission. And it got real. And he got worried. They all understood it. And then silence came again. This time it lasted less. Wonho took the situation on his hands.  
“I think rappers should write their parts now and we, vocals should work for the bridge of the song.”  
“Yeah. Let’s get started.” Kihyun said.  
But Jooheon didn’t want to start yet. It felt weird. If they wanted this mission to be a success they had to work together. So Jooheon directed I.M to a small piano room. There were two chairs. I.M sat first. And Jooheon sat next to him. It was the time for a talk. A real one. From man to man.  
“Have you been a trainee before?” he asked. Of course he had. Jooheon himself thought that was a dumb question but he asked just to make sure.  
“Yes. I have been training for about 2 years.” He hoped that Jooheon would understand him here. He was a trainee just like him.  
“2 years?”  
“Yes.” After he said this he remembered that Jooheon had been training more.. almost 5 years more than him. And it made him feel uncomfortable. It made him feel so small. And also nervous about what would Jooheon say next. His heart started beating fast and his saliva dried inside his mouth. *Please don’t be too mad*  
Jooheon didn’t feel good. He himself had been trained 7 years already and this guy? Only 2? And he was competing with them? There must be something wrong.. But then again. If a chance like this would be given to him in his second year of training, he would take it just like I.M did.  
“Alright. To be honest, I wasn’t going to speak a word with you. I was going to tell you that you’re on your own and I will be on my own.”  
Well this didn’t come as a surprise for Changkyun. It was just painful to hear it with his own ears. Truth hurts.  
“But I came to realize that we’re on the same team. And we have to open up and work together to make some good rap.”  
Jooheon cared more about the team than I.M. And this was logical. He didn’t want his team to mess up and just as others said, didn't want I.M would be a misfortune, didn't want to be the team destined to lose. Jooheon couldn’t let this be true. He wanted to win. Firstly for himself. No matter how selfish that sounded, it was a survival so he had to think of himself before others. Secondly for the team. If he wanted to win, he needed them to be good and have teamwork. If the team failed he would fail too. He was almost sure he would not be eliminated but loosing one of your team hurts. Plus the man’s pride tho. They needed to win!  
“So rather than going straight to working on words I wanted to talk a little bit.” He wanted to talk about so many things but in the same not too much. He didn’t want to become close.  
“ Before you came on the show, did anyone promise to have you debut?” He was dying to ask this on his face. Who in the world would accept if that was true.. but he wanted to see his reaction.  
“No. Never.” I.M’s face could not be read but his voice was sharp. The boy had thought about it. It was about time Jooheon asked that. So for I.M was not a surprise. And the older noticed that.  
“Becauuse I feel like you, joining No.Mercy at this point kind of applies that you will debut for sure. Think about it. We have 3 eliminations. Its the 4th mission and you join.”  
Truth was I.M had always thought about this. Even before he met them. No thought needed. It would be his weak spot..  
“So I can’t help but feel that you were promised something..” Jooheon looked at him. He had his head down. He looked like a scared puppy who was being scolded.  
“And another thing. Kwangji was eliminated right? Then you joined. I was so pissed off. I thought this was nonsense.” Jooheon looked at him again. He had bitten his lower lip and seemed like he was ready to burst into tears.  
On the other hand I.M felt guilty. *Why blame me.. it’s not my fault he got eliminated.. I only came here because he lost and left an empty spot. I earned that spot. But now it feels like I don’t deserve.. like, that spot was made for someone else and I’m here ruining everything for these people. They hate me and I understand.. I will never be one of them..but u wanna debut too! Im just as desperate as all of them and… and…no one cares. I am alone again..*  
“As long as you remain on the show its gonna be tough for you. His means you have to work that much harder.” It was quiet. No one talked.  
“Say something. Are you agreeing to everything I said?” Jooheon asked a lowkey joke.  
“…no!..no..no..” he looked confused.  
“Hah!” Jooheon thought he sounded cute for a moment but forced that thought to go away.  
“Look if you don’t talk then it’s gonna be harder for us to work together.” Was it hat hard to open up to him? Could he blame him?  
“But for me… I’m just… I’m just thankful you told me what’s on your mind.” In the time when no one wanted to even look at him. Starting a conversation looked so far away from being true. But it was happening. He was so grateful. He touched Jooheon’s thigh because that’s what he and his hyungs in Nu’Bility would do to comfort, but he took his doubtful hand back again.  
“I know you guys..” he wanted to say *hate me. Want to kill me. You will never like me. You want me to fail. You cant even bear look my face. You curse at me behind my back etc..* These thoughts made him feel something in his chest. He felt his heart feel so burdened. If he just had someone to talk to he would be forever thankful.  
“I know it’s hard for you to open up to me. So when you guys come to talk to me, even if it is just little by little..”  
*It means a lot to him..* Jooheon thought. I.M shed a tear or two. He looked so moved. He touched the older’s heart and Jooheon now didn’t know what to do. Did he feel sad for the maknae? Yes. He really did. They were harsh at him. And he had no fault. It felt just wrong to keep the new guy away like that. Jooheon was getting soft. He couldn’t help it.  
“Just work hard okay?” After these words they stayed quiet once more but it couldn't last. They had work to do.  
“Are you okay now?”  
“Yeah let’s just get started now.”  
“Okay so here is where I begin writing but usually I end up finishing at some other random place.”  
“Okay. Now should we talk about the concept?”  
“Yeah. Giriboy said to write something like…show off.”  
“Aha...that...”  
“Or...hm.. you can write whatever you feel..” Jooheon saw in I.M face that he couldn’t really write something like that in his situation.  
“I will just write a badass song and that’s all.”  
“Ah..yeah.” It looked weird to hear that quiet boy lowkey curse.  
“So.. do you have a pen and paper?” I.M asked.  
“Ah! That’s right. I will be right back.”  
Jooheon left I.M alone. The maknae thought that whatever was happening was good. Maybe Jooheon only had interest to approach him. That’s most like it. But he felt good. Felt like he had a little hope to get closer to others.  
“I’m back. I took many sheets of paper just in case.”  
I.M took the pencil Jooheon gave. It had a big pink fluffy ball on top. He looked at it. He looked at Jooheon’s. He also had a fluffy thing but smaller and gray.  
“What?” Jooheon asked.  
“Nothing.”  
“Aha you wanna change? Here. Take mine.” He said with a smile on his face. A suprisingly warm one that even Jooheon himself didn't notice giving. It was sincere. Everyone that saw Jooheon's pencils would find them either cute or weird. In this case the younger wasn't that type to find it cute.  
“Thank you.” his voice lowered and he gulped. It was time. It has started. Let’s begin now.  
They talked about the lyrics, the beats, each others parts. But when I.M was nervous he couldn't write. More like he couln't find the right korean words and mess it up with english. Before, his fellow members would make fun of him after helping and he missed that time.   
“How do you say..hm..”  
Shot!… He had it on the tip of his tongue.  
“What?” Jooheon looked at him. “How do I say what?”  
“Hm.. aishh! In korean.” He wanted the word *Somebody* “He is nobody. I am ….?”  
“…is that a line from your part?”  
“What? No! I want to know the korean word for the opposite of nobody!”  
He didn’t notice but he looked so cute when he put his forehead on the table and sighed. He then heard a small laugh. It was Jooheon.  
“I still don’t know what you are talking about.” He found the younger cute. “No body? No one?”  
“No no. The opposite.”  
“Aha! Somebody!”  
“That’s rightt!!”  
I.M sounded so excited and a smile came out from his face but it faded quickly but Jooheon was just in time to notice it. To notice that when I.M smiles hes face brightens and looks more handsome.  
While writing Changkyun looked serious and he used a lot of paper. Like…a lot! Joohen was shocked how fast he wrote and then erased the whole thing. How he made the paper a small ball and threw it away. How he took a new sheet every minute.  
“Do you always use this much paper?” Jooheon asked.  
“Uhm….nope…I don’t know why I made this mess.” I.M saw how many small paper balls he had made and began gathering them from the floor and putting them on the table.  
“Let’s write later.” Said Jooheon. He understood him. I.M needed some time to rest. “When we go to the dorm.”  
“Yes.” Simple words. Short sentences. Empty eyes. Jooheon felt the need to know more about him. But he didn’t expect I.M to open up. It would be difficult for all of them to do so.


	7. On the same roof

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Night after The mission teams were revealed..

Later that night in the dorm.   
The solo interviews were done. It was 10pm when they came back. This time I.M stayed in his “bed”, in that black sofa alone while others sat on Seokwon bed or on the floor. Yeah they preferred the cold floor more than a seat near I.M.  
Kihyun was in the kitchen. Washing dishes alone. That poor kid.  
“Will no one help him?” Minhyuk asked.  
“You go ahead then. So thoughtful.” Gun replied.  
In this moment Jooheon came from bathroom. He saw them all on the ground and decided to sit near I.M. No one spoke.  
“What were you talking about just now?”  
“Nothing. Just thinking of who should help Kihyun now.” Seokwon spoke up.  
“Then who?”  
“No one.” They laughed.  
“You are all so mean.”  
Still awkwardness. I.M knew why. It was his fault. He saw Jooheon for a glimpse of second. He was looking down too with his legs crossed. Jooheon thought about opening a conversation with them all and maybe including I.M but he was not sure how others would interpret this. But then I.M left the room. They followed him with their eyes.  
I.M’s first thought was to help Kihyun but then he passed the bathroom door to go to the kitchen, stood two steps away from entering in and he felt it again. The feel of insecurity. He couldn’t just go there and give him help. What if Kihyun sent him away? He was not his friend. He was not part of a group anymore. He said goodbye to Nu’Bility some time ago. But he needed to try. Try to befriend someone because it hurt to be alone all the time. To be ignored and looked down. So yeah..what if he sent him away?  
But he wouldn’t do that. Why?  
* * *  
After leaving the bathroom, Jooheon didn’t go straight to the living room. He went to the kitchen to drink some water and Kihyun asked him about something. About what had happened before in JustMusic Studio.  
“What do you mean hyung?”  
“You three looked weird. Gunhee was kinda mad, you almost done with the day and the new guys was so pale… even tho he always looks like that. You just had some negative feeling with you”  
“Ah nothing much. Don’t worry.”  
“We are a team right? If what happened there has something to do with us, I should know.”  
“Haa… I don’t think I can ever keep you secrets.”  
“No. You can do what you want but I think it’s better if you open up to someone.”  
“I don’t know..”  
“Why are you like this?” Kihyun knew #Gun was Jooheon’s best friend there and Honey would never say something to hurt him or even speak behind his back. Jooheon being quiet means only that.   
“Did Gun do something wrong?”  
“It’s not a big deal. Really. He just… scared the new guy a little.”  
“Scared him?”  
“He just wanted I.M to rap for him.”  
“That sound weird..”  
“No. I mean he wanted to know how good I.M is.”  
“Well that’s relatable. I was too.”  
“And I.M didn’t want to rap in front of him, so the situation became tense.”  
“Gun hit him!?” Kihyun now wasn’t washing dishes anymore. He stopped and listened to the other.  
“Oh no! I didn’t see much. I saw I.M against the wall and Gun facing him, talking tough. I thought he was gonna hit him too. But I went in and then Gun left. Maybe it was not anything much but I still don’t like it. I.M being in our team made me reflect.”  
“Ahhh.. I see. We are all flustered. This situation is driving me crazy. But I wouldn’t go and force him rap or anything.” Kihyun saw that now, Jooheon was thinking about I.M no longer as a new guy but as a tram member. And he didn’t really want to express it to others but he was going to give Changkyun a chance. That’s what they both had in common.  
“Did you speak to Gun after this happened?”  
“No. I’m going to let this go. As time goes by, he will understand. He will accept I.M eventually.”  
“But…hm.. anyway. We should talk more with him. I mean, our teamwork is needed.”  
“I know. I spoke to him.”  
“You did?”  
“Yeah. We tried to write some rap but didn’t finish. More like didn’t even start because he was not feeling okay.”  
“Why?”  
“Not physically. He couldn’t concentrate.”  
“Aha! I thought he was in pain or something. And…speaking of it. Did you notice I.M walking up the stairs?”  
“Oh yes! It’s like he was hurt. I thought I was the only one checking on him. Checking… well… anyway.”  
“He fell going out of the car. Do you remember?”  
“Maybe that’s why. Imma ask him if I get a chance.”  
Kihyun laughed a little.  
“What? Why you laughing? Huh?” Jooheon asked.   
“Damn. This feels like cheating.” Making friend that new guy that everyone hated seemed like they were forgeting all the work and all the years they had together as a whole team. It hurt for Jooheon and Kihyun both. But they thought about accepting a new one without replacing any other. They needed to understand that.  
“Can you just stop now? -.-You ruined the talk. Wash those dishes now.” Jooheon said and left Kihyun alone. They both had in mind something. I.M was a new member yes. But it’s now someone who they should consider a team-mate.  
* * *  
I.M was standing there, not going in the kitchen and looking like a tree. Kihyun noticed him only after 2 or three minutes passed.  
“Oh my god! You scared me there. What are you doing?”  
“Oh. Im sorry! I was just going in the bathroom.” I.M lied.  
“But I think you confused the doors... and bathroom door is opened so it’s kinda weird you missed that. I mean it also smells.”  
“Haa.. sorry.. I wanted to .. I just wanted to leave the living room.”  
“Aha.. and you wanted to be locked in the bathroom for the rest of the night?” Kihyun now was looking at I.M. He had stopped washing the dishes for the second time already. And on the other side I.M thought that he should make a move. If he wanted to be accepted, he himself should do something. They will take his hand eventually. He hoped.  
“Well… I thought.. Ok! I thought of helping you in the kitchen since others didn’t want but then I… thought maybe you didn’t want it and didn’t know what to do.” After saying this he waited to see the others reaction. *Please be good!* Kihyun knew what was into that boy’s mind. Geting closer. And Kihyun actually didn’t mind.  
“Did Jooheon send you?”  
“Nope.. Why would he?”  
“Ah no. Nothing. If you want to help just dry the dishes and leave them on the table. I will put them on their places since you are still new here and don’t know where to put them. And you are going to see me do that and remember where should you put each dish. Got it?”  
“Yes..” Well. It went better than expected. Kihyun let him help. He wasn’t that the mean. Changkyun felt relieved and stepped in to help.  
“Take that towel over there.” Kihyun has always been the boss of the kitchen.  
“Okay.”  
They began working. Together.  
As always I.M was quiet. Kihyun had so many questions for him.  
“So how long have you been aa trainee?”  
“For about 2 years in Starship.”  
“Have you been in another company? Which?”  
“Hm…Special ent. It’s closed now tho.”  
“How close? Why?”  
“I don’t know. I was just a trainee dud.. hyung..” he couldn’t call him dude. But even hyung was kinda weird. Talking about his old company opened wounds. But I.M had other things to worry now.  
“I wanted to ask you about something.” Kihyun spoke after some time.  
“Tell me.”  
“That cream.. moisture cream that you use..”  
“Ah that. What’s wrong with that?”  
“Ah nothing. I just wanted to buy one like that. Did you buy it online?”  
“Online? No.. My family bought it for me. I don’t think there are stores here that sell that. But…”  
“But what?”  
“Nothing..”  
“Just say it boy.” [Kihyun and his angry mode. So cute]  
“You can just use it if you want.”  
I.M always shared cosmetic things with other boys in Nu.Bility. He had a lot of those creams because he is careful with his face trouble. But sharing it with Kihyun was a big step to get close with him. He didn’t know how Kihyun would react to his proposal. He really hoped it to be positive.  
“Can I?” Kihyun sounded surprised. And thought this maknae had a good strategy at making friends. He got a new cream to use.  
“Yeah. If you want.. But wait! I will use it too! It’s my only face cream at the moment..”  
“Aha!” Kihyun laughed. He wanted to share not give it all. He found the confused new guy rather cute. “Okay. So we share it?”  
“Hm…yeah.” But in this moment he thought about the others. What would they think when they see Kihyun using his cream and how would they react to him getting closer? This if they get close..  
“In this dorm I am the only one who takes care of the face. Others do not care much.”  
“That’s good.”  
“What’s good? The fact that I am the only one with face trouble? Boyy..” Kihyun joked.  
“No! No! I just thought it was good because others will not notice you using my cream..”  
Kihyun understood him. I.M was afraid that boys would see that as a move. Maybe it was. But can you blame him for wanting to be accepted? Maybe he was just sincere. Kihyun didn’t see anything bad. But others might feel bad. And I.M was scared. As a hyung he felt a bit worried about all this situation. But apart from worries he knew what was right and what was wrong now.  
“And then? Let them be. I care more about my face. And then they do not dare to say anything to me. Without me they would starve and get sick from uncleaned rooms.”  
I.M understood that Kihyun might seem sometimes cocky but he is so caring. He was the second person to talk to him…he sounded like a friend. I.M didn’t know how to explain himself but he felt warm and thankful. He felt good. And smiled.  
They finished the dishes and left the kitchen to go to the living room. Jooheon was in the sofa. Kihyun noticed how the atmosphere became gloomy as soon as they stepped in. Actually when I.M entered. Kihyun was standing like I.M, near the door before entering thinking on where to sit. And he had the chance to experience I.M’s life. It was cold and he felt sad. Kihyun walked towards Jooheon and sat next to him. He then saw the new guy still on his feet not knowing where to sit.  
“I.M come here.” He said. Changkyun felt like crying in that moment. It was so stupid. It was just a small sentence but it meant so much to him.  
With his head down he went there and Kihyun did this.. He moved away and opened a place for him. A place between him and Jooheon. A place where I.M sat comfortably. And felt protected.  
All guys saw what Kihyun did. And they looked at the ground with their minds going places.  
“How come no one came to help again? So lazy..”  
“Oh c’mon. We would be more trouble than help.” Minhyuk spoke.  
“Yeah you are probably right but I can’t be sure since you never help. Why don’t you try it sometimes?”  
“Ah you are worse than my mom.”  
“Yeah anyway. What were you talking about?”  
“Nothing.” Said Seokwon.  
“How nothing. You were buzzing all the time before we came in.”  
“Nothing important. We talked about clothes dude. Some of us want to get new coats and some say it’s stupid to do that now where the cold has already begun. And talked about brands and phones.” Gun spoke.  
“Thanks for the information dude. Who wants to buy coats?”  
“Only Yoonho and me.” Seokwon answered pointing to his friend.  
“That’s weird. How come Wonho doesn’t want to buy clothes?”  
“I hm… im trying to save now. Can’t let my mom spend that much on me. I’m just… reflecting more about my family’s economic state.”  
Everyone stayed silent. They all had that problem. Parents working their a$$es off to pay them the trainee fees.   
“Well we can always share huh? How about that?” Kihyun broke the silence.  
“Yeah we can. But I guess you won’t be able to.” Minhyuk said this smiling.  
“What..why?”  
“You are so short and small!”  
Everyone laughed. Even I.M gave a little laugh. His face brightened.  
“Yaaa!!! Kid!Haa… I can’t believe you all. Hey! You too?” Kihyun looked at I.M. “You are not better tho.”  
“What?” I.M finally said something in front of everyone. They had forgotten his deep voice. But they were caught off guard from Kihyun.  
“You have almost the same height as me.”  
“..hm.. I don’t know.”  
“What don’t know? You think you are taller? Yaa… Get up!” Kihyun said. He was sure he was at least taller than I.M and wanted to prove it. He got up and forced Changkyun to do the same.  
“Ya look! I’m taller.”  
Jooheon got up.  
“Nope. You are the same.”  
“What are you saying? We are the same. Not to mention I’m a cm taller!”  
“Stay straight.” They had not the same height. Kihyun was taller by 1 cm but Jooheon didn’t want to say it. But then he wanted this to stop. “Kihyun hyung you are maybe 1cm taller. You happy now?”  
“See? I told you. Sorry I.M. I guess you have the ‘shortest man’ now.”  
“1 cm is not a great difference so that title is something you both have. What a team.” Gun spoke up.  
Boys sat down again. While they did I.M wanted to say a word to Kihyun.  
“Even diamonds are not that big but their value is damn high.” Even tho he said it in low voice they all heard it.  
“Woho! Maknae!” Kihyun liked what he said and gave him a high five. Jooheon Wonho and Shownu smiled at the smart words and others kept it for themselves. Its was nice. Being able to be pasrt of them. I.M felt good. He smiled and everyone noticed how that dark emotionless face of him turned rather cute and bright. Maybe he wasn’t that bad in the end. He was just some other boy..  
At this moment, where they all seemed to be almost okay and fine with the new guy, Gun left the room..

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Im busy with comeback and school but im trying to write long chapters to apologize.. sorry


	8. Day before recording

Ch8  
#Gun left the room…  
I.M was still bitter about what had happened on the restroom before but right now he felt guilty for doing this to the boys. He felt guilty for everything god damnit!!  
Jooheon wanted to get up. But in the same time, he didn’t want this to become bigger than it was. Gun would calm down by himself. After he left they talked about phones. Starship had taken away their phones but left them their iPods mp4 and devices like this. Hey often took their phones to call their parents or just use the managers phone when parents call. In a middle of the conversation Seokwon had left the room too and joined Gun. They talked among themselves. The atmosphere in the living room was somewhat good. They just talked and I.M was left out most of the time. He only said “Yes” when Jooheon asked him if he was taken away his phone too.  
It was almost midnight when they wanted to sleep and Yoonho went to change his clothes and turned back to give Jooheon a news. Seokwon was sleeping in his bed.  
It was like this. In a room there were Shownu, Wonho, Hyungwon and Kihyun. In the other room, Jooheon, Gun, Yoonho. There was an empty bed. Minkyun’s. Jooheon didn’t want that bed to be used by anyone. He was close to Minkyun, and used to call him Kyunie, and if felt like he was being replaced. Not only him but all others eliminated.  
“You can sleep in Minkyun’s bed but you have to take Seokwon’s blankets and sheets and pillow because that bed is empty..”  
“It’s okay. I will just sleep here.” Jooheon said that without noticing how natural he was spitting those words out. Yoonho saw him and asked.  
“Are you sure?” Yoonho found it weird that Jooheon just easily accepted sleeping in the same room as the new guy, as if he was a friend. But it was Honey. Yoonho would never do that.  
“Yeah. Why?”  
“Ah nothing. Well goodnight!”  
* * *  
The dorm was quiet. Everyone went to sleep except for Kihyun who takes long because he has 100 face creams to take off and put on. But this time he went to the kitchen to take I.M’s cream. He went back to the living room where Jooheon and I.M were and saw them laying on the beds.  
“Should I completely dry my face before I put it on? Does it spread better if I have a wet face?”  
“Hm… I think it’s the same.”  
“What do you mean same? How can you use a cream and not know how to actually put it on your face? Ahh this kid..”  
“Okay, just dry it to be sure.”  
“All right! Imma leave it in the bathroom so you can use it after me.”  
“Okay.”  
Kihyun left and then went to try the new cream like a smol kid who had found a smol treasure. He opened the moisturizer after he washed his face 2 times and put his nose in it it. It had a nice and refreshing smell. Like mint maybe? After putting it on his face he spread it while hitting it. Yeah.. he didn’t look like had any mercy on his face. After finishing, he saw himself in the mirror and continued to hit his face again… yep! Guys found that creppy and weird but they had gotten used to it after a while. [Just remember RightNow Kihyun skin care time]  
“You can use the bathroom now. Im going. Night!” Kihyun said sneaking his head in their room again after ending his skin care routine.  
“You know he really likes cosmetic things..” Jooheon said smiling. He knew his hyung and if they ever wanted to buy Kihyun a gift they knew what to give him. Medicine (Because he gets sick often) or face creams.  
“Yeah I noticed that.”  
“Probably he loves you now.”  
They smiled.  
“That’s my plan.” I.M joked. He felt rather comfortable.  
“What about me? What are you gonna give me?”  
“New pencils…” After hearing this Jooheon smiled. This boy had a sense of humor.  
“Hhahaha not bad. Can’t wait to get those.”  
After this, I.M used the bathroom and went to bed. Jooheon looked like he was sleeping. So I.M covered himself with blankets and tried to go to dreamland.  
But he couldn’t sleep. All this day he thought he made some progress. Kihyun and Jooheon. He hoped he was accepted in their hearts just a little. But what about tomorrow? What if others hate on them? He would be the one responsible. The stress of the mission. The team. The song. This whole reality show. His family…and now that he thought about it. He hadn’t speak to them since days ago. They didn’t even knew he is now in no.mercy. But wait. Starship had probably told them. He was worried about many things. So that night he didn’t sleep much either.  
“What are you doing?”  
It was 2am when Jooheon woke up. I.M was doing something on his bed...  
Writing everyone! Writing!  
“Im writing my lines. Can’t sleep.”  
“Hm? How long have you been up?”  
“I never closed my eyes..”  
“That’s a good rap line to use but right now, why are up?”  
“I don’t know.”  
But Jooheon got it. That boy was stressing as much as they were..wait.. He was stressing more because, if they had a friend to talk to when they were down, I.M had no one. He was keeping it all inside him.  
“Hmm… have you eaten at least?”  
“Yes.”  
“Don’t lie.”  
I.M didn’t answer. Their manager bought them food so they could eat it at home, but they were so hungry they ate half of it on the van. I.M had only some chicken and a Cola. He wasn’t that hungry anyway..  
Jooheon got up and did the same thing as the night before. He took a bowl of instant ramen, put in on the heat and cooked it simply. He wasn’t that good in cooking but he could at least do this.  
“Here. Take it.” He gave it to I.M while looking sleepy af. He looked like a big baby.  
“Why did you do this?”  
“For you. Now eat. Just don’t make me do it every night.. it’s bothersome. Just go and eat by yourself. That way is way better.”  
Jooheon saw the younger’s face covered by his hair and his hand went automatically on that direction, wanting to take those hair out of his face but he felt awkward so he almost stopped midway and ending his action pating I.M’s head like a small kid. He felt weird for doing that but what’s done is gone.  
“Thank you.” I.M took it and began eating while Jooheon was back on the blankets.  
“Eat it and sleep.”  
“Yes..”  
“Do not say yes to me and lie okay? Seriously … haaa. This maknae...”  
Jooheon was so cute when he was half angry and half sleepy. I.M left his pencil and papers at the end of the bed and finished eating. He was now full. The blankets were so warm. He felt his body becoming heavier and finally he slept.  
* * *  
9:00  
All were up and fighting for the bathroom. Shownu Kihyun were always the ones who finish their business fast. Others stay there for hours!  
“Hey Minhyuk touch my face.” Minhyuk was always the one who was ready to listen to Kihyun about his skin care things or even touch his face to see how smooth it was after Kihyun tried a new cram. Thing that happens kinda often.  
“Are you okay? Why the hell would I touch your face?”  
“Maybe because you always do? What’s wrong with you today?”  
“Nothing. I just don’t wanna touch your face.”  
“Yaa! You are getting in my nerves seriously..”  
“Excusee me but I was joking!”  
“Well your jokes sometimes aren’t that great so give it a rest.”  
“Im sorry for not being funny to you. Just ask others then.”  
“Anyway Minhyuk…”  
“Oh c’mon! Why so serious?”  
“Whatever.. just go. Gosh! I can’t believe you.”  
Kihyun’s voice was heard from the hall and then he came to the living room where rappers had finished making the beds and were quietly sitting down listening to the beat of the song. When Kihyun came he saw them angrily.  
“Why are you listening to the song here?”  
“We were listening to the beats and checking his rapping.”  
“You already wrote your parts?”  
“No. He did. He stayed up at night to write.” Jooheon pointed to I.M.  
“I couldn’t sleep.”  
“He didn’t eat that’s why. I gave him ramen and when I wake up in the morning he was sleeping like a puppy!”  
“You gave him ramen?”  
“Yes. Why?”  
Kihyun laughed. Jooheon really was a sweetheart. But he never cooked for anyone.  
“How are you still alive tho I.M?”  
Changkyun smiled.  
“Why? What’s wrong with me cooking?”  
“No.Nothing. But you never cook..”  
“Well what was I supposed to do? He needs a chef from behind his butt! He doesn’t eat by himself. Damn!”  
Kihyun laughed at the cute angry Jooheon.  
“But then again! Why do you play that here?? It’s our track!”  
“It’s nothing to worry about. It’s not done yet. Even if others hear it, what’s the problem?”  
“Jooheon. Don’t be naive okay? After all this is survival. In here we are all a bunch of boys but out here we are divided. Our song. Our team.”  
“Damn. Minhyuk really made you angry this morning huh?”  
“Stop it. You know what I mean.”  
“Yes. Yes. Don’t worry.”  
Kihyun was about to leave when Jooheon said: “Your face looks good as ever so don’t go around asking anymore.”  
Kihyun smiled.  
“Stop it kid!”  
“He loves compliments.” Jooheon whispered to I.M smiling.  
That day was a busy one. Especially for Wonho Seokwon and Kihyun. They put so much time and nerves in the bridge of the song. More than others Wonho kept stressing and keeping it all for himself.  
They went to the company in two vans again and were separated into teams.  
“So how long do you think the bridge is gonna take you?” Jooheon asked.  
“Well its almost over.” Wonho replied.  
“We tried to rap with the one you gave us and it was not bad.”  
“You did? So who is rapping first?”  
“Well since it is a chill beat I guess I.M. His voice suits the first part.”  
“Yeah but guys Mad Clown wants to do the opening part. He told us yesterday right after you left from the room. He has maybe 10 lines so we have to save like 30 sec for him.”  
“This is so damn complicated. Why did we start writing tho if we still don’t know the melody and the parts and the rapping/singing time.”  
“I think that’s what we will do today Jooheon.” Kihyun said.  
And he was right. That was the day when the song would be finished.  
They got out the van and entered the company. It was all of them. No.Mercy boys and I.M.  
“Is that Changkyun?” Trainees which I.M used to train with, battle with, recognized him.  
“Yeah. What’s he doing with the No.Mercy trainees? And managers… Don’t tell me..”  
“Are you kidding? That’s why people came to hear us rap before! They were testing us.. And he got in? Him?”  
“But dude.. he has only been here for less than 2 years. I have been training for 5 already! What is Starship doing?”  
“I just closed my fourth one..”  
“How…just how..” They were surprised. But angry. They didn’t even know I.M. They had only heard him rap and sometimes saluted him on halls. Maybe tying to talk more but he was always so quiet and not friendly. No one knew his past story. So he was almost like a mysterious man. He was a kid compared to most if trainees and they of course thought this was unfair. So little by little, hate and gossip started spreading…  
* * *  
“So that’s it. Everyone now start practicing your parts but not only. You should even take a look at others’ just in case.” Jooyoung said.  
“Rappers!” Giriboy said. “Learn your parts well in case you don’t want us steal them.” It was supposed to be a joke but I.M didn’t laugh. He was taking this way too seriously. And he did good.  
“How much time do you need to write lyrics?” Mad Clown asked them.  
“Me and I.M started yesterday. Writing just to have an idea of how the song would go. And I guess we went pretty close. So we can finish pretty fast.”  
“Ok. I want the lyrics memorized by tomorrow morning because we will record the song.”  
“Okay.”  
“You did a great job with the bridge. It’s nice.” Jooyoung said. He really liked it and thought it wouldn’t even need a final touch. Wonho felt so relieved.  
“Thank you.” Vocalists said in one voice. And Jooyoung found them cute. It was like they were his students and they got a good grade. But then it was this happy child named Wonho.  
“Wonho why are you smiling so much?”  
“Ah nothing. I’m just glad you liked it. I was so nervous.”  
“Ah I see. Now go to work. And let’s see again tomorrow.”  
“Yes!”  
By the end of the day the lyrics were written and they began practicing. Firstly rappers together and then vocalists. They tried to sing it together. It was almost a mess. So they just focused on practicing on their own. It was a long day and a nerve wrecking one. But it wasn’t over yet. Unfourtunately.  
***  
Back at the dorm. Tired and stressed. Managers bought them Jjajjamyeong. A plate for person. They ate well that night. So did I.M. Jooheon made sure to stare at him the whole time and give him angry eyes if he didn’t eat. Who washed those few dishes? Kihyun of course.  
“Oh you are almost finished.” Gun came to the kitchen and saw Kihyun whipping the last glass.  
“Yep. There were not too many dishes but anyway.”  
“Don’t worry. Even if there were, you would get all the help you need.”  
“What is that supposed to mean?” Kihyun caught the irony but did Gun really say that?  
“Nothing. Why so serious? Guys are going to sleep now. I just came to say that.”  
“Yeah. No wonder it was getting nois….” But Gun went away without letting Kihyun finish. Kihyun gets angry easily but he tries not to start quarrels. But this was getting in his nerves. One more thing and he was gonna burst. He went to the living room. There were Shownu, Wonho, Jooheon, Hyungwon and I.M. Kihyun sat on the bed looking angry af.  
“Yo.. what’s wrong?” Hyungwon spoke.  
“Better not ask. I don’t wanna make it big. Whatever it is.”  
“Is it about the dishes "mom"?”  
“Don’t make low quality jokes okay?”  
“Ou.. situation is bad. I better go sleep.”  
“You took too long tho.”  
“Yep. I guess I’m the sleeping beauty here.”  
They smiled. It was true.  
“Wait I’m coming too.” Shownu got up from bed.  
“Oh! I guess only Seokwon is missing from the Giriboy team. Look at them.” They were sitting on pair. Jooheon and I.M on the sofa. Wonho and Kihyun on the bed. Hyungwon isn’t the type to use irony or anything. He just found them cute.  
“Is that an irony?” Kihyun asked rising his eyebrow.  
“Nope.. why? I just pointed out the coincidence. Just for fun… why would I?”  
“No. Nothing. One or two of your team members seems to love this irony thing too much. Especially that ugly one.”  
“Wohoo! Did something happen?” Shownu asked worryingly.  
“No. Not yet. Maybe I’m thinking way too much. Whatever! Just go now.”  
“By the way.. will you guys record the song tomorrow?” Hyungwon again sticking his head out of the door for the last time.  
“Isn’t is all the same for both teams?” Jooheon said.  
“Well we were said that we were gonna do just a rough recording.”  
“Ah. Yes. I don’t know. We might need to change somethings maybe. Or redistribute the parts. Let’s just do our best and end it tomorrow so we can start with the choreography end all.”  
“Yep. Well goodnight then!”  
“Night!”  
* * *  
“Speak. What happened?” Wonho couldn’t wait.  
“Just someone being… haa forget it.” There was Gun’s best friend. Jooheon. And I.M who was gonna feel at fault for the situation. Wonho wasn’t going to let it go. He would ask again at their room when they leave. He would find out soon about the problem..  
Seokwon came from the shower. Ready to sleep.  
“Still here?”  
“Sorry Seokwon. We are leaving now. Sleep well baby!” Jooheon joked. He just wanted to go in his room.  
“It’s late so yeah I wanna sleep.. c’mon now!”  
“Ok. Ok. We leaving.” Wonho got up and so did them all. It was almost midnight when they all were in their beds. Jooheon kept thinking about Kihyun. And.. the one who might have pissed him. And he had someone in mind. His friend.  
“Gun?”  
“What?”  
“You awake I guess.”  
“You guessed right. What is it?”  
“Did you speak to Kihyun this evening?”  
“Why?”  
“Just answer.”  
“Maybe I did. What did he say?”  
“Nothing. He looked pissed. What did you say to him?”  
“Nothing really! He gets angry for the smallest things.”  
“Stop it.” Jooheon wanted to end this fast. “ Was it for I.M?”  
“Even if it was, what’s your problem? Or lemme guess… he is in the team huh?” Gun was now sat on his bed. And Jooheon did the same thing.  
“Stop it with the damn irony! And yes! He is on the team. That’s why we are trying to get along. Teamwork is needed!”  
“And what? Just because you accepted him I have to do the same?”  
“Well it’s better than hating.”  
“Oh come on Jooheon! You don’t even believe yourself! Who is talking about being close? You just want to end this fcking mission. U wanna get closer with that brat? Don’t lie. You don’t care about him. Get things straight! You are on your own and he on himself. Who do you wanna debut with!? Huh? That one who came midway? I don’t think so.”  
“First of all interest or not I decided to make a try for the team because we are all human here. Second, yes I’m on my own and so are you. So is he. But working in teams means we have to be one. And third. You wanna debut? Just focus on rapping better. What does it matter midway or not? Now the best will win. You just gonna work hard to be better than him. Can you do that? Are you afraid?”  
“Me afraid? That little punk probably doesn’t even know what rapping is! You can tell just by looking at him! His rich a$$ dad probably paid his entry like everyone is saying now!”  
“Okay. Stop right ther..”  
“You know what? Just go and make that boy your friend and when he fails at least he had a friend here. Good job.”  
“Don’t cut my words! Gun! Hating is not gonna bring you any good. Not from me. He is here now. Accept it!”  
“Accept what? This is unfair! And you fcking know it! He just barged in and what is our work for? Nothing! He can continue with that pity look of his all he want but he ain’t fooling me! Is probably gonna get eliminated this round because I doubt he has what it takes!”  
“Can you both shut up already?” Yoonho said from the other bed.  
“I’m done.” Gun said and rolled kn the bed under the blankets. “Let’s see how well he will do next days. I just hope he doesn’t cry. He can’t expect to come here in the middle of the show and win! That’s nonsense!”  
“You are unbelievable.” Jooheon left the room and wanted to go in the bathroom and he noticed the living room door. It was a shadow standing near it. A shadow that had wanted to go in his room and end that quarrel. A shadow that didn’t want Jooheon to be spoken harsh words. It was I.M… with legs shaking. Anger filling his heart. Guilt and sadness.. he was strong. Yes he was but he heard Gun’s words..  
Everyone had listened to the quarrel. Even Hyungwon who never gets up was awake and heard everything. Gun’s tone was higher than Jooheon’s so it was easy to understand him. His anger..  
Seokwon was lying in bed and watching the new guy. He also felt bad for him at that moment. Looking at that emotionless face and shaken eyes.  
“Just let them be. It’s gonna end soon.” He had told the younger one. But I.M was frozen.  
Jooheon saw the shadow leave the door and go to the sofa. He would talk tomorrow with the maknae. Alone.  
At the other room. Shownu Kihyun Wonho and Hyungwon were listening the whole time. Shownu had to tell Kihyun at least 5 times not to go in there. Now. Kihyun was team I.M. Wonho was 20%. Shownu 35% and Hyungwon just didn’t care but let’s say 10. He wasn’t in his team so why worry?  
The quarrel made them all think. What to do now? Do like Jooheon did or be stubborn as Gun? It’s hard but everyone knew the right answer even if it was difficult to accept. But everyone put themselves on I.M’s shoes. They felt so …so...  
It was sad. So sad, they almost hated the way they acted and thought. What would happen tomorrow? I.M of course heard them. How would this reflect on the next day? On the recording?...


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Recording day...

It was recording day. Everyone was rushing but that morning was quieter than others. That because of the last quarrel between best friends. No one knew how to behave. Half of the boys were waiting outside. Shownu, Hyungwon,Yoonho, Seokwon and Jooheon.  
Meanwhile Kihyun was eating with Wonho some korean dish and the rest were panicking to get ready. While he was drinking from the bowl, Gun came out of nowhere and pushed him by accident spilling the juice in Kihyun’s winter jacket. That’s all it took for the “mom” to be pissed..  
“Hey! You what are you doing? Can’t you look where you step?”  
“Look where? You’re so short I couldn’t notice.”  
Yep. He did that...  
“What the hell did you say? Just apologize now! And get lost!”  
“I ain’t saying sorry. It was an accident. It was your fault for eating while standing.”  
“Are you serious right now!? What the fxxx is wrong with you these days!?”  
“Did I do something to you? No! So just let me be.”  
“You know what? I am not your best friend so imma tell it. You are a scared cat who doesn’t believe in yourself and is actually $hitting yourself because of I.M. You put pressure on him to rap in the bathroom! You keep making irony jokes to me! And it’s all because I.M is in our team! Get over it dude! Get your $hit together! And rather than blaming I.M for coming here in midway, put some work on your old styled rapping this time! I am done with your $hit and I won’t keep quiet anymore!”  
“Whatever little guy. Just calm the fxxx down because I don’t have the nerves to hear you.”  
“…you are a jackass Gun.”  
"Yo! Both of you stop it." Wonho reacted. It had never been such a tense situation before. He as a hyung didn't know how to behave.  
Kihyun left the kitchen. He couldn’t wear that winter jacket anymore but this wasn’t important. He was mad af. He went to the living room and saw I.M sitting on the couch.   
“Hey you! Don’t you dare feel down because of this! You gotta work hard! That bastard needs a lesson.”  
“…yes..” I.M was looking down.  
“That thing..” Kihyun said.  
“What thing?” Asked I.M looking at Kihyun.  
“Is that your winter coat?”  
“Yes. I didn’t know where to hang it so I just left it on the drawer.”  
“Can I wear it today? You seem like my size so..”  
“Ah.. that. Yeah go ahead.”  
“Thanks." He didn't hesitate to take it. He wore it and checked himself.   
"Fits me well.”  
“I want it back tho..”  
“Ahaahha yeah yeah! Of course. Don’t worry maknae! Let’s just go out now.”   
* * *  
Before recording...

Giriboy team was gathered in front of B Studio waiting for the artists. I.M went to the bathroom again since he didn’t fight for it on the dorm. And actually wanted to be alone. This was what Jooheon wanted. He was eager to find some time and speak to I.M.  
“Are you going after him?” Kihyun knew Jooheon was a kind man. No matter what kind of hard situation it was, he would be rational but also think with his heart. He would feel at guilt for making I.M hear those words, that quarrel that started because of Jooheon himself. He noticed how Jooheon kept looking at I.M. Well he also noticed other guys from the tram being kinda worried and watching him from time to time. But I.M didn’t notice that at all. His stare was fixed at the floor or out of the window.  
“Yeah. I wanna talk to him.”  
“Go now. I will call you if the artists come before you turn back.”  
I.M was unzipping his pants to do his thing when Jooheon came. So he zipped them again.  
*What is he thinking? Is he shy?” Jooheon found him cute and weird.  
“C’mon! We are men.” The hyung unzipped his pants and did the thing so the younger wouldn’t feel embarrassed. After seeing him I.M did the same.  
[Well, you can say guys get close when they pee together]  
They finished and Jooheon washed his hands first and when I.M was washing his he began.  
“I’m sorry you had to hear all that..”  
I.M didn’t speak. Of course he was hurt.  
“I want to be clean with you. Yeah I was mad before but now that you are my team mate I want to be one and give our best. That’s my interest. Make my team look good. Make this rapper like look cool. Make myself look awesome. And also you. I know you rap good so..”  
“I don’t know about that..”  
“What do you mean?”  
“Yesterday.. Gun said I don’t have what it takes. Maybe that’s true. Maybe this reality is too much for a 2 year old trainee…”  
“You can not let yourself think like this!”  
“My rap. My lines.. they look like someone very confident wrote them. But right now I feel like those words don’t belong to me. I.. I don’t have the confidence to rap those words! Not anymore! I just..”  
“Hey! Stop it! What..?”  
“Guys! Come. The artists are here!” Kihyun came at the worst moment.  
“Kihyun! This is not the right timing!”  
“Well I’m sorry. You should’ve been fast. Come now!”  
“Hey boy! We are not over yet. I got some words I wanna tell you.”  
The recording was great for Jooheon. Mad Clown even said that he would slay him again in this sing and Jooheon laughed. But his smile faded away when he saw I.M in that recording studio. Would he do good?  
And nope.. he didn’t do great. But not that bad either. The artists weren’t satisfied. Kihyun sang terribly well and after him Wonho’s turn was up. Well he didn’t do great either.. He even got harshly scolded by Jooyoung. Seokwon was somewhat good but didn’t have the strong vibe that was needed for the song so he needed to practice more. They all had to do that.  
“We don’t need to have them all participating.” Mad Clown said. It got the trainees shook! What did he say? Was he okay? Does his thing his money is more important than their future?  
“We need to redistribute the parts. So you can go out and turn here after we are done.”  
They were all scared. Did the team suck that bad!?  
“You. Come with me. Now.” Jooheon said to I.M while leaving the recording room.  
They went to another room. It was empty. Just some tables and plants. Open space that is maybe used for artists to relax after the recording. Nice place to kick some butt.  
“What the hell was that?”  
“Was what? I told you. Maybe I am not ready, maybe..”  
“Did you think like this before some days ago?”  
“No. I thought I could do it! I thought..”  
“And now just some words are taking you down! Dude seriously! I can’t believe I’m actually helping you but! God damn it! You are great at rapping. Your voice is great. And you have a chance! A chance to fight! If I was in your place, if I had only two years of training and get an opportunity like this, I wouldn’t care because it’s my life! You should do like this too! Do you have a family? Do you wanna make them proud? And giving up does that make them proud? And not even your family! Not even yourself! You are letting me and Kihyun down. Believe it or not he really cares about you. I know it’s gonna take some time for others to get used to you but we are humans. We will get along by time! Just give them some time and understand them. I’m not saying it’s easy. But it’s hella hard and you need to be strong! Gun is mad and those are words of an angry man. Just like him there will be others. Everyone has their problems here! But does that makes us quit? No! Do not be a coward! There are people who believe in you! Make them proud! Okay!?"

Jooheon was looking at the boy who was now regretting being down and depressed at the recording. Jooheon was totally right! It was a chance and everyone would have take it! Every desperate trainee! And I.M wanted to debut. After what happened to Nu’Bility he wanted something real. Something hopeful and No Mercy was a great thing. He couldn’t let some boy take him down! His rap was his sword and he was gonna show them all he could make it!  
"Damn you right.."  
"Yes im right! Now gear up. The team needs you!"  
The team? That sentence... was somewhat warm. He was now part of a team. No matter if it was for a mission, he was not alone now.  
"Yes." He said a smiled a little.   
"Let's hope they don't change much in our rap lines."  
"Yeah. I sucked."  
"Nope. Not bat bad. Have you ever been in a recording room before?"  
"Hm.. just a little!"  
"What does that mean?"  
"Maybe once or twice."  
"Ah! Did you record a song?"  
"Something like that."  
"You are really a difficult person to talk to y'know?"  
"Im sorry. I just don't wanna talk about it now."  
He didn't want open the Nu’Bility subject. It was painful. Joohoen saw he was uncomfortable so he let it go.  
"Let's get back now. And this time rap with all your might!"

Artists changed the lyrics. Mostly vocal parts. And Jooheon had to make some adjustments to his too. I.M was the only one keeping his original lyrics.   
"So I'm keeping it as it is?"  
"Yes." Said Giriboy. "Your part is great for the opening alongside with Mad Clown. Your flow goes well with that part of the song. Just be careful with the pronunciation of the words and that *Wait a minute*. Try make it sound cooler and swaggy."  
"Yeah."  
"So i want everyone to be busy with their parts and try to work together for this. I.M and Seokwon you have a part when you have to coordinate with each other. Practice that. And Kihyun you will practice your lines now and fast because Jooyoung has won't be here till late but he wants to see your voices' harmony before he goes."  
"Got that."  
In the end of the day it turned out a great cool song. They all gave it their all. And the result was amazing. They all went to dorm happy and motivated.

"Changkyun. Your family wanted to talk to you. If you are free come and call them."  
"Yes. Im coming now."  
The manager stopped I.M when he was just entering the dorm. Trainees heard the name. Changkyun? No one had bothered to ask for his real name.  
I.M took the mobile phone and went down the stairs. Sat there and dialed.

He was finally talking to his parents. It had been a while. He called his dad. His hero. He had a great respect for him.  
"Dad?"  
"Son. How are you?"  
"I'm fine. Thank you. And you?"  
"Not bad. It's a day off for me today. I wanted to call you. What's the time there?"  
"Here. It is night."  
"Yeah. But what time exactly?"  
"1am."  
"I see you are working hard. I know you are now on that show you talked me about."  
"Ah yes. How did you know about that? I didn't have the chance to inform you."  
"Starship called us. You entering it is fine by me. You wanted to be ther right? So when i heard it was so proud son."  
I.M laughed a little.  
"Don't laugh. I'm serious. Now work hard and do what you wanna do."  
"Waw dad."  
"I know i wasn't that supportive back then, when you dropped schools and had a hard time but now seeing you working on something you really love makes me happy. So just do you best and the result will be a great one."  
"You really are great with words sometimes as a scientist."  
"Well you got that lyrics talent from your old man tho! And boy! Your father was great in all subjects okay! Genius!"  
"Hahhah yes yes I know."  
"And I know you must be in a lot of stress. If you can't do it it's okay. There will be other opportunities."  
"This is the best dad.."  
"Then gear up son! Fighting!"  
I.M had flashbacks of Jooheon for a second.  
"Yeah dad! Don't worry. I got this."  
"That's my boy."

A call with his dad was always refreshing. His tired voice sounded so calming and made him feel good. He went back in the dorm and found boys all eating pizza on the floor of the living.  
"I.M come here. There is a 4Season pizza for you. We didn't know you would like so I thought this would be an All In one. We could't wait for you to chose. Sorry."  
It was no other than Kihyun.  
"It's okay. At least there is something."  
"I know right. I could even eat a horse."  
I.M sat next to Kihyun and began eating.  
"Changhyun? Is this your real name?" Wonho asked the younger who almost choke on his food. He began coughing and Kihyun hit him on the back.  
"Hey boy! What's up with you?" Kihyun kept hitting and laughing his butt off. I.M was so cute.  
"No. No. It's not Changhyun but ChangKyun."  
"And how do they call you in short? Kyunie? Just like our Minkyun?" Gun spoke not rising his eyes from the pizza.  
Well they all saw him with some eyes.. Like *Was that necessary?*  
"No one calls me in shorten name but even if they do you can just call me I.M."  
Kihyun smirked. No one talked to Gun. They finished eating and cleaned the floor. That night they were all dead asleep. Only Jooheon got up for a moment to go to the bathroom again as every night but this time he checked on the maknae. He was sleeping as a baby. Thank god. Jooheon wouldn't cook again. Than Jooheon went to bed slept as soon as he put his head on his pillow...


	10. First steps to know each other

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They didn't film Deokspatch that day for some reason..

Chap 10!  
They worked really hard on the choreography. Wonho put so much effort into it but he was glad others were keeping up with him. They followed his steps and learned together adding things. Giriboy said that they needed a dope dance but he didn’t put pressure on them.  
“A cool dance but easy. We have the perfect song so who needs the dance?”  
He was so easy going and confident. They tried to be like that too.  
“I think it’s better if we just dance as we feel it in this part. I mean let’s just wave hands and interact with the crowd. That’s dope right?” Kihyun spoke.  
“Yeah. It’s swag!” Jooheon agreed.  
“Hey don’t be lazy. We need to be perfect.”  
“C’mon Wonho hyung. At least do something easy in the chorus part.” Jooheon was not someone who gets tired easily but that day he had a headache.  
“You know what? For the chorus let’s make simple big moves. Look free on stage.”  
No one likes complicated things. Plus, their song was dope itself.  
Long story short. The dance was over fast and they practiced with singing another day. Cameras were there the whole time. And the day of the show was there. Just around the corner.  
***  
It was tomorrow.  
They were all nervous. They went to dorm at 1 o’clock. Last practice.  
“Let’s do well tomorrow.” Wonho said to them all while they were around the table eating. Others nodded.  
“Why is everyone so down tonight?”  
“I’m tired. We all are.” Shownu said.  
It was a quiet night. No one wanted to talk. They went to bed as they were exhausted. But did they sleep much? No. Some just stayed in bed and thought. Some just moved around the hall. And some ate. Like I.M. He went to the kitchen. He now didn’t care much. Opened the fridge and took a bottle of water. Jooheon told him water helps you to calm you down when you are nervous. It worked on him so I.M said why not? He sat on a chair, with the glass on his hands he stared he table and stayed like that till someone came.  
“What are you doing?”  
“Ah. Wonho hyung. I couldn’t sleep.”  
“You either?” He said and took a chair out of the table and sat like Changkyun.  
“We don’t talk much but you should understand it’s difficult for me. But this show is stressful for me and it must be even more for you.”  
“Yeah. It is a little.”  
“You know.. when you went after Jooheon in the recording studio he had raised the expectations high and maybe you lost confidence. Well I experienced the same when I went after Kihyun. So I jut wanted to tell that in that moment I felt you. Like.. hm.. maybe I wanted to tell you an encouraging word just like others did to me. I felt bed for not doing it.”  
“It’s okay. This means a lot.”  
“It looked like you were alone. And Jooheon is right. We are a team and as long as we are one, we have to be a support for each other. So tomorrow..i mean today. Let’s do all we can and make a great performance.”  
“Okay. Let’s do that. And win.”  
“Yes! Come on now. Go to bed maknae.”  
***  
“And the winner is..”  
Their hearts were racing! What would the result be?  
I.M didn’t want the team to fail! Even if they failed he would blame himself. He would be a reason for the bad teamwork. And if they lost…who would leave the show? If it was him…? He would not only embarrassed but also guilty for making all that mess in the dorm. But if another was the one to leave…the guilt would still be there.  
“So please! Please! Call our name!”  
“Giriboy team!”  
Yes! They won!! I.M was so shocked! In a good way. His team won! He was not a failure! He was not gonna be blame for somebody’s elimination! He proved to be a good rapper! He was relieved. And so were the members of his team. But they had it harder. Together with the happiness they felt bed for the other team because that meant a friend would leave.  
And it was Yoonho. The one who had kept quiet all these days. One of the youngest there. And the brightest. He had been training for almost 10years and this was a great chance for him. And it was gone. Everyone was crying their eyes out. Hugging Yoonho even in backstage. And I.M stayed like a tree all the time. He didn’t know what to do. When he heard Yoonho had 9 years training he felt so bad. When others finally let him go I.M went to him.  
“I’m sorry.”  
It was a weird and awkward moment but Yoonho looked at him. He smiled and said the same thing he had been repeating to the others.  
“It’s okay. I’m still young. There will be more chances for me. It’s my fault so don’t worry.”  
Trainees had stopped crying and now they were going up the stairs to their dorm. Yoonho packed his things. Others were just watching him with sad eyes.  
“Don’t be like that guys. It’s worse for me if you continue watching me like that.”  
“You are right. Sorry. We are just worried about you.” Wonho said.  
“Worried? I’m not worried. Maybe I didn’t make it here but I will definitely be an idol someday. I will not give up now. Its been too long to let go.”  
“That’s my boy!” said Wonho and gave him a squishy hug.  
They went to sleep and at 8am Yoonho left the dorm. Forever.

***

“Tomorrow we will film Deokspatch right?” Kihyun asked.  
“I guess so. But why didn’t we do it yesterday?” Shownu spoke up.  
“Who knows..”  
The manager came to the dorm and had food with him. Chinese. Was it a free day for them? Shownu went to the manager and caught him alone when he was going out of he dorm.  
“Manager. Can I ask you something?”  
“What is it Hyunwoo?”  
“Why didn’t we shoot deokspatch today?”  
“Hm.. I don’t know. Why you ask?”  
“No nothing. We feel strange having a free day..”  
“Ah I see. Well use this day to gel along with each other.”  
“I.M?”  
“Yes. I still feel tension between you. You have to be mature now.”  
“Yes I know that.”  
“Good. Anything else?”  
“No. Nothing. Thanks!”  
Shownu came back at the kitchen and found guys eating good.  
“Shownu. Come if you wanna eat!” Minhyuk screamed.  
“Yah! Don’t eat my food!”  
Shownu sat on the corner of the table near Hyungwon and had I.M facing him. He thought about what the manager told him. I.M looked so serious all the time. And pale. But when that young boy was on stage, he burned it. He remembered how his voice suited Giriboy’s song. It was a charming voice. Then Shownu noticed how I.M didn’t throw the whole spices that were in the small package that comes with some Chinese food. And Minhyuk loved spices.  
“Shownu did you eat your spices?” Minhyuk asked. He wanted to add more on his bowl and Shownu was always fine with it. But the older didn’t want to give. He hid his spices under the plate.  
“Sorry. I already threw them on my food.”  
“Ah damn it!” Minhyuk got all pouty and sounded like a baby.  
“I.M will you use those?” Shownu asked him.  
“No. I don’t need a lot of spices.”  
“Ah. Can I have them?”  
“Oh yeah. Take it.”  
“Thanks. Here you go Minhyuk.”  
Thay all saw how smooth appa bear was. The quietest one of the dorm but he had some father instincts.  
“Thanks Shownu.”  
“Not me boy.”  
“Oh yes. You too I.M.”  
“Gosh. Chill. They are just spices.”  
Kihyun laughed.  
“He is right. Why did it get so serious? Hahaha” Kihyun’s eye dimple showed and his perfect smile was so bright. It maybe was the one which lightened the atmosphere because after that everyone started speaking and earing and passing the salt or things like that. It felt good.  
“Why don’t you eat spices tho?”  
“I don’t like them maybe?”  
“True. I thought you saved that for me.” Minhyuk’s selfesteem was showing and his jokes too.  
“I didn’t know you liked it so how would I save it for you?”  
“Woho! Maknae! Savage.”  
“Maybe you felt my heart..”  
“Minhyuk. Stop. I.M already ended you.” Kihyun was giggling. Even Minhyuk himself smiled a little.  
“So basically I.M is the youngest from us all. When it’s your birthday?” Shownu again.  
“Hm.. 26 january.”  
“Oh! It’s not far!” Jooheon raised his head from the food and saw the youngest.  
“Yeah..” I.M didn’t look that happy. Of course he wouldn’t be. He would be with these guys on his birthday. He just couldn’t image it. The awkwardness…  
“And you will be 21 right?”  
“Nope. 20. I’m 19.”  
“Ah right. Don’t expect presents from me. I suck at those things.” Jooheon joked.  
“Well from no one tho..” Gun spoke. They all saw him except from I.M.  
“I never said I was expecting anything. So don’t worry.”  
“Gosh. C’mon. Back to the happy curious conversation! Pls?” The talkative of the group spoke well this time.  
“Yeah. On the other hand how much space do I have to open for your friend’s presents?” Kihyun the mom worried about the house.  
“What?” I.M didn’t understand.  
“You have friends right? And they will give you..”  
“No. You don’t have to free up space. I won’t get that many presents.”  
“Okay..” Kihyun meant it as a joke but the youngest face looked serious and sad.  
“Don’t you have friends?” Gun asked.  
“Gun! Can you stop it?” Wonho was the one shutting Gun up this time. He wanted to hear Changkyun at this point. He was curious. Curious about that young man sitting always quietly.  
“I do have. It’s just that… we are separated. Each minding their own business. Something people should do more often by the way.”  
I.M’s irony was on point and Gun couldn’t do much about it.  
“Damn boy where did you learn that irony from? Is it Kihyun?”  
“Minhyuk will you stop teasing me or keep doing it and end up starving?”  
“Okay omma!”  
“Haa this guy!” Said Kihyun and wanted to hit him with the fork. It was always the same. Minhyuk would make some dumbass joke and Kihyun would be mad and so done with him.  
After some time when they finished their food they sat on the living room to talk a little bit more.  
“Will you sing at your graduation Kihyun?” Wonho asked.  
“I think so. But why did you open this man. It’s still early.”  
“I know I just saw you and I.M and thought something.”  
“Thought what?”  
“You are both same body size even if you are older by three years and close to graduating.”  
“Your mind makes wonders.”  
“Yes I am a genius. By the way where are you studying I.M?”  
“You keep attacking him with questions today.” Jooheon spoke seeing how I.M reacted to that question. The youngest turned his eyes down and has a sad expression covering his face.  
“But you must understand we are curious right? He is living with us now and wee have to at least know somethings about him.” Pouty Wonho said watching Jooheon in an innocent way because he didn’t think he did anything wrong. He was such a baby sometimes.  
“It’s okay. You are right.” Changkyun looked at Jooheon and then at Wonho.  
“I dropped outta school sometimes ago to continue training. That’s why now I don’t have many friends. And even those I have left are from the pervious company I was in. We don’t meet up often but we keep contacts. I have joined Starship almost a years ago.”  
“So… you don’t know many people from the company?”  
“Like I see you meet each other before. Right? And your trainee group was chosen for this show but unlike you I don’t know anyone. I train by myself and only once a month I see other people’s faces.”  
He was alone. All this time. They felt sadness on his deep voice even if he tried to hide it.  
“I feel like I should do a full introduction of myself from 0..”  
“No. You don’t have to. It’s okay. We can take it slow. After all there are still more days to come.”  
Kihyun sounded so soft… like it wasn’t him speaking but an angel. And the boys agreed..


	11. rumors and a bang!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> How much can I.M hold in?

It was 12 o’clock. Staying at the dorm it felt so empty. They were used to be busy and now it was weird. But would Starship leave them free time? Maybe.  
The manager came at this time and told them to get ready.  
“Where are we going?” Seungwan asked.  
“At an amusement park.”  
“Woahh no joke! Seriously?”  
“Yepp. The staff is going to be there too so be ready.”  
“Okay!”  
They got ready in a rush. But they were actually happy to have some free time for themselves. They went in vans again and they sat like this: Kihyun Jooheon I.M Wonho Minhyuk in one and the others in the other.  
“Will this be really a free day huh?” Wonho doubted.  
“Well I hope so. Why not tho?” Minhyk was always the positive one.  
“I have no idea what we are gonna do there. Like with the cameras and all?”  
“Just have fun okay? Where else can we enjoy it? And why are cameras bothering you this much now? Oh wait! You are scared from most of the amusement toys there! Now I get it!”  
“Minhyuk you speak so much.” Kihyun now.  
“C’mon it is funny! He ain’t even the youngest! Are you afraid of toys I.M?”  
“Toys? What toys?” I.m was looking out of the window as always and didn’t pay much attention to them. So what he caught was the word “Toy” and he saw them in disbelief.  
“Omg! Toy like amusement toys! Like you ride them and.. Omg! I mean amusement park toys! Viking and Scary House etc.” Mihyuk said while laughing.  
“No. I’m not afraid. I can ride the Viking having a straight face.”  
“Oh really? I will see how true is that.”  
“Be my guest. I mean.. okay.”  
“Se Wonho even the maknae..”  
“Minhyuk shut up.”  
“Yes “mom”  
Minhyuk was such a child. A really talkative one. But Kihyun always was the one who killed his vibe. They were almost the same age and were good friends. Close enough to tease each other many times.  
“But seriously now. I.M you should know Wonho is afraid of heights. Don’t play any prank to him okay?”  
“I am not stupid to do that..”  
Kihyun burst out laughing.  
“I guess you are the only one who would do that Minhyuk.”  
“Hey I was just giving advice. I wouldn’t do that either! And don’t forget I’m your hyung okay! Don’t shade me boy!” He was so cute lecturing I.M. The maknae smiled a bit and Minhyuk saw how brightened his face was when he smiled… but then he shook that thought from his mind. He was still hurt. “And I’m your hung too tho!”  
“What? Only 19 days. You call that gap?”  
“Yes I do!”  
“Oh please. Just stop it already. Would you? Let’s have fun today.”  
“Haaa fine Yoo Kihyun. As you say.”  
***  
They arrived. It was such a great space. So many people. And the cameras were getting so much attention that’s why the staff decided to only use 2 big ones and some hand cameras.  
“Firstly we will get something to eat and then you can enjoy the fun.” The director said.  
“Okayy!” They were all ready for that!  
They went to a food stall and the manager would buy of course.  
“What about you I.M?”  
“Me? Ah.. no thanks. I’m fine.”  
“Are you sure?”  
“Yes. Thank you.”  
Then the manager paid for the food and the kids went all crazy happy around the park.  
“Why didn’t you get something?” Minhyuk asked.  
“I don’t know. I just.. I am not hungry.” Well I.M had some bad feeling about this day. He wasn’t used to these many people going around hi filming and all the eyes being focused on him. Actually them. The No.Mercy boys.. he was a newcomer. And it still felt weird.  
“Do you want some?”  
“What? No. It’s okay.”  
“Just a bite. C’mon!”  
“Why are you like this… I’m sure you don’t like me that much..”  
“Well I don’t know either. But y’know I talked to Jooheon yesterday night. And he is really good with words. He made me realize you are just as desperate as we. Even if it is difficult to accept I will try my best because being angry is tiring. So you want a bite or not?”  
“He did?”  
“Yeah. And that friend right there *pointed at Gun* has a really hard time accepting but it’s okay. He will understand by the passing of time. He even said sorry to Jooheon about that night! That’s something. Eat now.”  
“Okay. Okay. Fine!”  
And I.m bit some of the food Minhyuk was holding.  
“Boy! I didn’t say you could eat it all!”  
“Hey I didn’t eat much!”  
“I know!I know! Lemme tease you.” And Minhyuk left.   
Then they went to the Spinning disc. Wonho really was a scaredy cat. He was cute and funny. Bumping cars were second. And then the Viking.  
“Let’s see that straight face of yours.”  
Minhyuk whispered in I.M’s ear and scared the poor thing.  
“Let’s sit next to each other.”  
“Okay..” I.M felt weird by all this sudden behavior of Minhyuk but it was nice..  
***  
They were given small hand cameras.  
I.M sat next to Minhyuk.  
“It’s starting!” His hyung was like a small child.   
“Keep the camera and look at that with no face expression.”  
“Okay.” Changkyun was fixing the camera and the ride started. Trainees were screaming their heart out. Jooheon was the loudest! Minhyuk too but just for a short time. He focused on I.M’s face in the screen. He was really serious when he said he could keep a straight face. It was really funny!  
They went out of that thing and you could see Wonho and Hyungwon being dizzy.  
“Woah you really could do it!”  
“I told you.”  
“Good job! Good job!” And they gave a high five to each other.  
“Did he do it?” Kihyun asked from behind.  
“Yep. Let’s look at the filmed footage.”  
And they turned it on. Tried to find the video. It wasn’t there.  
“What is this? Where is the video? Did you record it?” Kihyun again.  
“Yes I saw it recording.” Minhyuk replied. “Unless… Did you press this? To begin the recording?”  
“Hm.. that doesn’t begin the recording.”  
“It does! It’s written in korean.”  
“Well it’s such a small writing and I don’t even know that word..Oh no! What to do now?” I.M was so cute. The hyungs started laughing.  
“It’s okay. It’s okay. You just won’t have much screentime.” Kihyun said in midst of laughing.  
“Hey. I was with him. So I won’t have much either!” Minhyuk reminded to himself. Kihyun laughed harder.  
“This is fun.” I.M’s confused face was the funniest and he looked like a puppy.  
Other guys saw what happened and smiled too. They were finally accepting the idea of a new trainee.  
\---  
“Can you get lower?” The staff asked. Boys were taking a picture with the 2 mascots. Before taking the pictures, they doubled that the mascots would be Hyorin and K.Will. Something felt fishy. They wouldn’t just go and have fun. It must happen something!  
And it did.  
Behind them, the mascots were holding the corners of a big banner. It said “The final mission! Only 7 will debut!”  
“Arrrggggg I knew itt!!”  
“Ahhh noo!”  
“Daamn!!”  
“So it’s set up to 7 huh?”  
They were given a slap…  
“Remove the number tags.” The staff said and they saw each other. It was not about the numbers anymore. They took them off and threw them on the floor. It was a new mission. The last one. And they were scared. And also excited. If they lose.. they have to say goodbye to the best chance of debut. But if they win… that’s another beautiful story. It was the time.  
***  
“Why do you think you have to debut?”  
They were taken to the Starship building. Solo interview time. This question was directed to them all as the final question for the day. They all answered with their heart on their hands. Being honest and true.  
“This is going to sound sad, but im too old. If I lose this time I don’t have anymore chances.”  
“Rap is what I d best. To back ff now…..I have come to far..”  
“For my mom..”  
“Because I made my mom spend too much money on me, we went bankcorrupt and she didn’t tell me. That’s why she didn’t want me to visit her. Once I went and there were red tag on furnitures meaning, she was willing to sell them all for me, just to keep me going here. I have to pay her back.”  
“Because… I once had an opportunity like this and it all burned down. I don’t want it to fail again. I want to make it this time for real and make my dad proud. Tell him that he was right believing in me.”  
All of them had a great reason. Their burning passion could be seen in their words. But they sounded also desperate. They wanted it so much. With all their hearts. Praying every night. Thinking every day.  
It was 5 pm when the interviews were done and they were said to go in one of Starship practice rooms. Their harts were beating fast and they didn’t know if it was the fear or the excitement, because they all had a chance to debut if the got this far. Well I.M has some more pressure now..  
Jungiggo was waiting for them at that room. The staff was there and they knew. Team time.  
“How are you guys?”  
No one spoke for a second and then they all smiled a little with the situation.  
“I understand. Let’s just go straight to the point then. So we are having 7 of you debut. To determine which 7 we are going to hold a 3:3:3 battle.”  
So it was not individual. How would they express all their talent if they are in teams again… And the teams… No one had any idea but it went like this. Gun thought he teaming up with Jooheon was almost impossible because they had already done a stage together. But he didn’t want I.M. No way! On the other side I.M didn’t care. He had set his mind to do his best and the team didn’t matter. Even tho he ..didn’t really like the idea of teaming up with Gun..  
Since there were 3 rappers they thought it was gonna be 1 rapper each team. But nope.  
“The teams are.. Kihyun. Wonho…”  
Okay. Till now the teamed was made of 2 talented vocalists. Kihyun that had the best individual performance from the vocalist and Wonho no.2 from the “Segyero” team. Who is the rapper now? With those good vocalist every rapper would be okay.  
“Seokwon.”  
What? So… there will be two rappers in a team or 3… 3?? That’s not a great thought when you think of the tension between Gun and I.M. And what if those two are together in a team with a vocalist? That even damn worse! On the other side the first team was happy. Especially Seokwon. He thought that with those two aces he would be safe. And their performance would be spotless!  
“Next Shownu. #Gun..”  
*Please no I.M!* Gun thought. It would have been awesome if he teamed up with Jooheon so he hoped that.  
“Minhyuk.”  
So that’s it. Gun was happy to have Shownu in his team. He was a great vocalist and also Minhyuk, his partner from the Nochang team. But couldn’t help and feel something negative about the last team. The..  
“Last but not least, Jooheon, I.M, Hyungwon.”  
*Damn.. why do I have a bad feeling..” Jooheon had been friends with Gun for long so he teaming up with I.M, AGAIN would have brought some salty feelings.  
“You will work with a producer each.”  
The producers were waiting their respective teams in some rooms. Yella Diamond was the one for I.M Jooheon and Hyunwon. I.M really liked him. It was an artist he looked up to. Yella D. had made the beats ready and guys loved it. Especially Jooheon.  
“Let’s write some swag lyrics to this.”  
And rappers though the same thing. “Same cool lyrics theme. We are good in that.”  
“So let’s do it boys!”  
“Yes hyung!”  
“And yes. Get ready because tomorrow Giriboy team will have a photoshoot with the artists.”  
Going out of the room they walked on the hall till they found some chairs to sit.  
“Where are you going?” Hyungwon asked I.M.  
“I’m getting something to drink.…You want anything?”  
“Yeah. Bottle of water wouldn’t be bad. Thanks.”  
I.M left. And it would have better if he didn’t.  
Near the fridges there were some girls sitting in a small table and talking to each other.  
“My friend told me he has only been trained for some months here.”  
“What friend?”  
“Does that matter?”  
“Well it can be a lie.”  
“It’s Hye Jae. He doesn’t need to lie. It’s not only him. Everyone says the same thing. Look he just messaged me.”  
“What does he say?”  
“Shit his family payed his entry. Starship is really doing this!”  
“Oh my god. Don’t spread it tho.  
“It is already. Hoe can he join the show now? He is promised something. I’m sure of that. Just wait he will get so much hate that he will give up himself.”  
“Lemme search something. What’s his name?”  
“Changkyun. No one knows his surname. I told you. No one knows him well.”  
“Nu’Bility? Shiet. He used to be in another group before it disbanded without debuting. Unfourtunate.”  
“And now Starship wants to debut him? Starship is really here to do charity. Gosh.. of course they would. He is for sure a winner. Guys want to beat him up. That’s how mad they are.”  
“Take the phone. Thanks..”  
“Let’s just go..” They saw him leaving. Didn’t put much thought to it.  
Meanwhile a friend of Jooheon passed by and you can already figure out what they talked about.  
“He really joined you? So it’s not a rumor anymore.”  
“There were words huh?”  
“Are you serious? The whole starship is talking about him. Trainees are mad because they have been trained for more years than him and who is the one that got the shoot? Him? A 1 year old trainee. They say he payed his entry which I don’t know how to explain. I mean isn’t it weird? Suddenly like that he joins?”  
“So all the building knows?” Hyungwon asked.  
“Yes. Where is he now?”  
“He went to get some water.” Jooheon had some bad feeling.  
“Well I bet he already knows it then.”  
“..*I bEt He AlReAdY kNoWs* Are the words written on the wall or what? How can he know? He just left for 10 minutes.” Hyungwon was older that that boy so he was free to say whatever he wanted. He was getting irritated and he himself didn’t know why.  
“You don’t know how thing are. You can hear everything just by walking on halls.” His phone buzzed. “See? Messages keep flowing since some days ago.” And he showed him his kakao talk group chat.  
[ He paid Starship! Gross!]  
[ Omg. He almost debuted! Look!]  
[ Nu’Bility? He was in a group?]  
[ See? They flopped!]  
[ he is a flop too. And wants to debut?]  
[ Gun is must be mad!]  
[ I bet Yoonho is crying now TT]  
[ How can he just join? That’s weird!]  
[ Starship want him to debut. Fans of Nu’Bility..]  
“That’s enough.” Jooheon said.  
“I hope it doesn’t get worse.”  
“What do you mean.. Oh he is coming.”  
“Then see you around. Fighting guys!”  
“Yeah! Thanks.”  
Changkyun looked pale. More than usually.  
“Here is your bottle of water.” He handed it to Hyungwon with his left hand shaking.  
“Are you okay?” Hyungwon asked. *Damn does he really know?*  
“Hm? Ah! Yeah. Yeah. I’m fine.”  
“Where is your bottle of water?”  
“I only got one for you. I’m not thirsty anymore.”  
I.M was looking at the floor. His head down and kept biting his inner lip.  
“Changkyun-ah.” Hyungwon’s voice here was low and caring. It was warm and I.M felt like his older brother called him.  
“Take a sip and let’s go meet others.”  
The youngest didn’t refuse. They walked in the halls and saw the staff. There were others too.  
“You will be making a group performance too. All 9 of you.”  
So it was the individual teams and the whole group. They will be sleepless. Trainees stayed till tale working on the beats and concepts. Interstellar team got together in a practice room and decided on the concept. A cool fun song.  
“Aren’t you excited about this kind of song?” Jooheon saw Hyungwon was a bit quiet.  
“Well this kind of song.. like Hieut, is not my style. I will try but the last mission hunts me.”  
“Aha! Don’t worry man! It’s not gonna be that hard on you because first of all. You now have tried it and are more prepared. Second. Our song won’t be that difficult. It will be fun. Let’s include some very fun words here for you.”  
“What do you mean?”  
“Some hyping words that make stress go away. Like Hey Buddy. Hay ho!”  
“Hey what?” I.M thought Jooheon said some curse word.  
“What?”  
“Did you say.. Hoe?..”  
“Yes. Hey ho! Ha! He! Hai! What’s wrong with that?”  
“Aha! Sorry I though you said it as y’know. *coughs* Bitch..”  
“Woah! I just realized! No.”  
They laughed.  
“You though like Hey bitch..”  
“Yeah.. that.”  
“That’s not bad tho.. I mean it’s a curse word but let’s make it cute.”  
“What the hell? Cute?” Hyungwon asked.  
“Hey bish.”  
“How can you say that in broadcast? Are you high on drugs?”  
“Hey bish. I wanna get high!” Jooheon said this and laughed to himself while I.M and Hyungwon saw each other in the eyes. Jooheon was crazy.  
“No I mean it. Let’s make it a fun song and a badass one. C’mon! It’s the last mission so let’s have fun too. What do you say?”  
“Whatever. Let’s do it.” I.M didn’t are much.  
“Yeah. Even if it is not acceptable they will tell us beforehand.”  
“Something tells me Yella.D will agree.”  
And so they all stayed till almost 2 am. The beats were over now the lyrics needed some work. Especially Changkyun’s whose only had 5 lines.  
“Can’t do it now?” Jooheon asked him.  
“Ah. I don’t know why I can’t focus.”  
“Let’s just go guys.” Hyungwon was sleppy af so of course he would like to go.  
***  
“I head his dad payed.”  
First thing Interstellar team heard when they went in the dorm was Gun.. The other guys were there already and talking in the living room.  
“How can you say that?” Kihyun jumped.  
“Stop defending. Everyone is saying the same thing.”  
“Well everyone is..”  
“You are a vocal. He is not a competition for you so just stop it already.”  
“Let’s just wait Jooheon then.”  
“Your teammate?”  
“No. Another rapper who actually works hard and doesn’t need to blame anyone for his failures.”  
“I’m not blaming anyone here. I’m just saying what everyone else says. Where is smoke, there is a fire.”  
“My ass! You keep being mad at I.M because you are scared. Grow up!”  
“I’m not mad at him but fucking Starship who did this!”  
“Then why do you keep attacking him instead of starship?”  
“Just stop it already! What is happening?” Jooheon stepped in. Then Hyungwon. And then I.M.  
Changkyun was not sad or hurt. He was now mad. So mad..  
“Say those to my face. And don’t speak behind my back.” I.M said with his head down.  
“You think I can’t do that?” Gun got up and others moved too. No one wanted a fight.  
“Everyone says you payed your entry. You got this easy with just 2 years of training! Who debuts with only 2 years of training! It’s something fishy. And teaming up twice with Joohoen? No1? Damn.”  
I.M raised his head and looked Gun in the eyes. They were almost same height but Gun was slightly taller. Changkyun gaze was strong and filled with.. hate … He looked scary.  
“So you waste your time with rumors instead of worrying about your business? No wonder you are scared. You better use the time to write some good rap and beat me if you can because I’m gonna stay right here for the rest of the show and you can’t do anything about that. And buying the entry? Lemme make it clear to all of you now. Yes. I was in another company before and I almost debuted before my group disbanded because of some money issue. Then I came to starship. After some months some people came and evaluated us rappers all. Do you know that? No. because they all refuse to accept they failed and I was chosen as the best to enter. And you wanna know something else? The CEO didn’t promise me anything! He told me to get in and make some GOOD SHOW! And he tole me to.. Make a good one as long as I was here. No one expects me to debut. They just want a good show and this is the truth. But this is my shoot to prove them wrong! And I will make it! 2 Years you say? Well yes! My fucking ass is fucking talented and I can debut with that much practice. So from now on you just focus on your fucking job and rap well. Maybe that way you have a chance to debut with your best friend. You keep being mad. Teaming up with Jooheon? Well maybe I suck that much that u need someone good to balance it. Or maybe it’s just luck. Or maybe they hate you. I don’t know and I don’t care!”  
They were all shook. The quiet boy just exploded and right in Gun’s face.  
“Whatever you scumbag!” Gun left the room hitting I.M with his shoulder but I.M didn’t move but kept biting his lower lip.  
It was all quiet. Dead quiet.  
“I’m sorry.” He said and bowed to them gulping.  
“It’s okay. it was time you explode in anger.” Shownu said. “I will go talk to him.”  
“No. I will.” Jooheon sighted. “But let him be alone for now.”  
“Let’s just sleep.” Wonho spoke. “Our team will even do the photoshoot tomorrow.”  
“Yeah. Let’s go.” Minhyuk was quiet for once and agreed with his hyung.  
What a night..  
And tomorrow too..


	12. Free time deokpatch?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Giriboy team photoshoot ..  
> Manager concern  
> Gun and seokwon  
> Last mission preparations  
> Nightmare  
> Some talk

I.M stayed almost all night writing his lyrics.  
*No.Mercy? Yeah. I won’t have mercy.*  
These were his first lines and you could feel how serious he was. The explosion made him stronger and relieved. He could hear Jooheon and Gun talking till late and then they were quiet. They slept. I.M didn’t care much about him accepting his entry but he could at least not talk behind his back and not make him feel like someone who deserves to be killed.  
After he was finished with it he was ready to sleep. Behind the door someone was looking inside. It was Jooheon who had ended his lecture and wanted to give a last look to the younger. He saw him closing the notebook, rubbing his sleepy crying eyes and lying down to sleep. He didn’t know what to do. Go in and speak to him? Or let him rest a while? He couldn’t help but feel some guilt. Jooheon had no fault but he felt like whatever his best friend did, was a reflection of himself.  
*I’m sorry.* He though while going back. He let it go this time. I’d be better if he didn’t because the younger began crying again and the strong I.M disappeared once again..  
The other day was just practice of the song and dance. When they were finished with thee individual practice they would move on to the group performance. During the day Hyungwon didn’t really became close to I.M but he also didn’t mind his presence at all. He was chill with the whole “newcomer” issue. So after all Interstellar team had it easy with the practice.  
***  
They went home after practicingand they saw some cameras. Not a lot tho. The directors gave them hand cameras. They would record themselves tomorrow for a while till the rest of the staff joins.  
“At least act a bit friendly” Shownu told Gun. If the issue would spread to fans it would be bad.  
“Yeah okay I got that.”  
“You better get that well.” Shownu said this while others were there too. He was eventually hating I.M more and more while other guys were accepting him. That night he didn’t use the bathroom so he woke up when everyone was asleep. He found Seokwon there going out from the toilet.  
“It’s gonna smell a little.”  
“I know man.” Gun said and before going in he thought to wait a little and chat with Seokwon till the smell was kinda gone. He didn’t want to die.  
“Dude. Are you really okay with this?”  
“With what?”  
“C’mon. We both know what. I.M.”  
“Well.. I don’t know.”  
“I mean we wanted to debut together huh? Maybe you could debut with Yoonho but no. He ruined it all. It is all a set up for us others. How did he manage to come here without money? It’s weird don’t you think so? Did you see Yoonho’s face? E deserved better.”  
Gun began brainwashing Seokwon for like 15mins. No one heard them.  
“Get up everyone!” Kihyun said. “Team Giriboy be ready for photoshoot today. Manager is here!”  
“What about others Kihyun?” Shownu asked.  
“Of course they will go to Starship. We will join later as soon as photoshoot ends.”  
Everyone was busy with their own business and I.M quietly went to the manager outside. He needed to talk with him about something. The manager was taken aback from what I.M was saying. They young mad didn’t want to join the photoshoot today and he looked pale and sick. I.M basically begged not to go. The manager saw him. He surely didn’t need to go in that shoot and he looked tired. He would probably not do well. But the real problem was his mental health. Hongsik tried to understand and agreed to let I.M off the schedule.  
“But are you okay?”  
“Yeah. I am okay. I will go to the company and practice. Thank you.”  
It was so sad watching a 20 year old boy like that. How much pressure must he have? Hongsik looked mad and when Changkyun went in the bathroom he took Shownu out of the dorm. Since Hyunwoo was the oldest he always seemed to be more rational and quiet. All others saw them two getting out the door because Hongsik didn’t care if they know or not. Minhyuk got closer to the door so he could listen better.  
“What have you done to the new trainee?”  
*oh shit..* Minhyuk thought.  
“What..?”  
“Something is happening in the dorm right? Tell me now!”  
The spies inside were one by one getting closer. The manager wasn’t the type to shout but this time he was sleepy hungry and I.M situation didn’t make his mood better especially because he himself had noticed the situation between the boys.  
*what will Shownu say now..* they thought. They were sure he wouldn’t spy but how would he cover it up? And why was the manager suddenly acting like this?  
“Well.. that’s just.. Nothing much hyung. You know how boys are..”  
The manager sighed and rubbed his eyes.  
“Shownu. If there is something wrong in the dorm you tell me. Do you need to make a full check on you personally? Do you need to lose time and do that? Isn’t it clear that there is a new member and that you all need to accept it?”  
“Yeah. We know..”  
“Do you all know? Why does that kid always look like someone beat him up?”  
“I don’t know.. we are all in stress so..”  
“Manager hyung!”  
I.M finished his business very fast in the bathroom so he wouldn’t be a burden for others but when he got out he saw guys all listening to something outside. He got closer. His heart started beating fast. Shit! He caused an issue! No he didn’t need this! He pushed Minhyuk from the door. Opened it, got out and stood in front of the manager with his legs shaking. He couldn’t let him know about anything. It was risky his staying in NO.Mercy or anyone. He didn’t want trouble. It was enough hate.  
“It’s no ones fault! I myself don’t want to! Please! I am telling you everything is fine. No one is making me feel uncomfortable here. It’s my first time to do these things that’s why I’m confused and can not do it. Please don’t blame others.”  
The manager saw the younger. He just thought of the trainees as his friends but when I.M came he didn’t seem bothered. Another one to be gone again but right now I.M impressed Hongsik.  
*This young man, how can he sound so strong but look so weak?* He thought. He felt bad and decided that this new member would be his new little friend. Another one to protect. He sensed how something was not right but he thought to let it go.  
“Okay. I understand. I hope you stay strong.” He made some steps to leave. “This goes for all of you in there.” Yep he had noticed the little ears behind the door.  
“Yes hyung!!” They all said it bowing when Minhyuk opened the door.  
I.M was looking down. Not moving at all.  
“I.M what happened? What did you say to the manager?” Kihyun asked.  
“I.M… what can’t you do? What are you doing?” Wonho.  
“Did you tell him about Gun?” Shownu  
“No! No! I didn’t! I kept quiet didn’t you see!?”  
*Is he giving up? Is he gonna leave the show?* They all thought this and for some reason they felt really bad. They all started looking back at their mistakes.. well when I say all I mean all except Gun.  
“What are you gonna do?” Hyungwon now.  
“You can’t give up now! What does that make you? A coward! I know it is not easy! I understand. You have to go through a lot with us and we too but you can not give up. Just like us you have a dream right? And you give up this close?” Minhyuk spoke.  
“You can not be serious right now.” Shownu  
“Yeah! That’s totally weird and how can you back off now that’s you won? This should be a motivation! If you fail, you fail. Can’t do much after that but at least you tried! Leaving No.Mercy is stupid! How can you think of that!?” Kihyun  
“Guys!!” I.M said out loud. “Who said anything about leaving No.Mercy?!”  
“But..but.. you told the manager you couldn’t do it..”  
“I meant the photoshoot today.”  
“Ah..”  
I.M then left them and went down the stairs to go to the van first.  
“Why did you all become so protective over him? Do you love him that much?” Wonho said half-herted.  
Kihyun “Oh shut up Wonho. You almost cried.”  
Wonho : ..……  
Kihyun: “Yeah that’s what I thought now let’s all go.”  
“But wait. Why won’t he do the photoshoot? It’s a great opportunity for all of us!” Hyungwon spoke.  
“Well that’s a good question..”  
“What is there to think about? It’s all about what happened yesterday. He probably is stressing himself over the rumors.” Jooheon spoke for the first time that morning.  
“Yeah. You are right..” Kihyun agreed.  
After a while they all were seated in vans and taken to starship. 

So in Starship I.M went to his old practice room because he thought no one would be there. It was the last room on a long hall. He opened the door and it wasn’t empty. There were some boys. They apparently had finished dancing and were taking a break. They saw him and I.M froze. Their gaze was unbearable.  
“Hey what are you doing here? Go back.” Someone with a big body spoke up and his voice was so loud and scary. He was huge.  
“I-I’m sorry. I though it was empty..”  
“Wait? Are you the one who is now put on no mercy?” One of his friends asked. Smaller than the first one but with a frightening stare just like the big guy.  
“Uhm.. yeah. And I should probably go now. I’m sorry.” And Changkyun turned and was ready to leave.  
“Oh yeah you should you have a fucking show to film right? Don’t let your father’s money to go to waste!” Scary voice again.  
Changkyun froze.  
“But don’t worry buddy. I’m sure he is gonna win even without a bit of talent in him. Have fun filming.” The other one spoke.  
I.M moved away. Little steps. One by one. He could still listen to them talking behind his back. They were angry… They felt like they were played by Starship. This little kid with only a few years of training was there outta all others who had worked harder and longer than him.  
I.M found another empty room and began practicing his part with the beat. He learned it by heart and he liked the part. He liked how it sounded and how it would come out on the camera. He practiced even gestures and tried to rap while dancing with some random moves just to see if he could rap while performing a tiring choreography. And then after a wile Hyungwon came.  
“I have been looking for you. Why are you in this forgotten room? Anyway. Are you done practicing your rap?”  
“Yeah. I thought maybe after Jooheon comes we could make a rough recording for the song. To see how it sounds so we can make arrangements later.”  
“Yeah sound good because we need a choreography too and we can’t create that without the full song or lyrics.”  
“We are having a dance? Well.. I guess so. It’s the last mission.”  
“Yeah. And we have female dancers. Uh-Huh!”  
“What about that?”  
“It’s nice. Don’t you think so?”  
“Ahaa! Hahahahaha yeah! It is.”  
“Okay so I don’t think Jooheon is going to be too late so let’s just wait for him, or do you want to practice again?”  
“I think I’m done. I don’t know what else to add or extract.” And I.M sat on the floor, his back on the wall and his face watching the mirror on the other side of the room. Hyungwon approached him. And he sat with him too.  
“So.. hm.. can I hear your part?”  
“Huh?” That was unexpected.  
“Well it’s not like I can talk to you about much things right? I don’t know where to start a conversation. I am not good at talking so that’s the first thing that came in my mind.”  
“Aha. So okay. This is what I have written.”  
“Wait let’s play it with the music.”  
“Okay. Skip 1 minute. That’s where my part starts.”  
And I.M stood up and rapped. And when he stopped Hyungwon stood and started singing too. And thet “Bishie I wanna get high.” Made them laugh and Hyungwon couldn’t sing with a straight face. And then Hyungwon came up with some ideas for the chorus dance part. They had fun in there and then Jooheon came.  
“Bro. Why come here? It took me ages to find you in this forgotten hall.”  
“Ask I.M. He came here and I joined after.”  
“Anyway doesn’t matter. What have you been doing while I was out?”  
“What else? We have been practicing. We have to make a rough recording of the song because tomorrow we will learn the performance and get the stage clothes and… in short tomorrow our thing is gonna end and we will practice the group dance. We gotta be fast.”  
“Yeah I am gonna finish my rap now and after maximum 1 hour we can make a recording. And why rough? Let’s get rid of it. Do it now so we won’t leave anything for the last minute.”  
“We are ready. But while waiting for you I should just practice more.”  
Their song was recorded and edited by Jooheon and I.M and they stayed up till late to do all that. It was a long day. And night too.  
***  
I.M was finally sleeping. He could barely find a good position and when he did, he saw a night mare.  
Saw himself sleeping on his bed in the trainee room, a little girl with a white dress and his legs tied up. He wanted to run but he just crawled on the floor while the girl burned his room. He then somehow managed to untie the rope and run.. but he couldn’t. It looked like it was all in slow motion and his body was too heavy so he fell on the ground. Surrounded by white walls and bright light which made it all worse. He couldn’t see. He couldn’t see the girl who now was in front of him, with a string on the right hand covered in blood. He run again! With all his might and his lungs seemed to burn.  
“One more step! Just one more hall” But then the girl called him. Her voice was scary and loud just like the trainee from the practice room.  
“Changkyun-ah!” She was closer. He kept running but without knowing. Everything was white! He was scared to death.  
“Changkyun-ah!”  
He woke up. Eyes wide open and shaking. He was covered in sweat and breathing heavily. It was Kihyun who was standing beside im calling him with a worried voice while Seokwon was sleeping still.  
3:30 in the morning and guys up because of Deokspatch. The staff told them that only some members could go and they were I.M Hyungwon Wonho Shownu Minhyuk and Gun.  
“I ain’t going.” Gun stated.  
“What the hell do you mean? You should go.” Kihyun said.  
“Ok. Thanks for waking me up in this hour but im too lazy to get up so why doesn’t anyone else go?”  
“Are you sure? This is good to get hearts of many fans.” Minhyuk added.  
“I don’t want to come. Is that too hard to get?”  
“No. It’s not. You don’t wanna come bc of I.M. We get it. Stay here. I’m going instead.” Kihyun said.  
“Of course you will.” Gun said and covered himself with the blanket rolling on the other side of the bed.  
“Excuse me? I though you were over this dude! Don’t turn your back to me and speak to my face!”  
“Kihyun stop. It’s okay.” Minhyuk was scared whenever Kihyun got mad.  
“He is a jerk! You heard me? Just fck off already! Getting in my nerves all day and acting like I’m doing something wrong just because I’m not hating on the guy! Move on! Gosh! I can’t believe Jooheon still has the nerves to talk to you.”  
And Kihyun went and closed the door with a loud noise. Minhyuk was still inside.  
“You know he is kinda right… Don’t treat us like this.”  
“Uh-Huh.” It was a lost cause with him so Minhyuk just left and headed to the bathroom where Jooheon was. He didn’t say anything to him.  
When Kihyuk left the room he went to wake up the last member. And he saw I.M not really sleeping. He was keeping his eyes shut with all his might and his face was covered in sweat. He was saying things, murmuring things. He was having a nightmare. Kihyun went to wake up quietly.  
“I.M… Wake up. Wait what was your name again?.. Hm Changkyun! Changkyun-ah! Changkyun-ah!”  
I.M got up almost hitting Kihyun’s head. He was breathing like he had run 50 times around the football field.  
“Are you okay?”  
I.M didn’t speak. He was shocked. Kihyun sat near him.  
“Did you see a nightmare?” He felt bad. No one in the dorm ever had a nightmare. The trainees moved to this dorm 2 or three months ago and all they did in sleep was talking or just sleeping life dead men. He didn’t know what to do. Maybe hug? What? No. No. They were grown up men. And it should feel awkward. Not only to Kihyun but also to the maknae. They weren’t that much of a friend. Were they? And... and... In that moment I.M rested his head on Kihyun’s shoulder. He really felt that dream. His mind was at the scary voices, at the meaning of the nightmare and at the bad feeling he had in his chest. He was scared of something and he didn’t know what.  
“Not again Taehyuk.” He whispered.  
“What? What did you say?”  
In that moment I.M seemed to really wake up and moved away from Kihyun. He saw his hyung and gulped.  
“I’m sorry. I didn’t notice it was you…”  
“Yeah you called me Taehyuk.”  
“I’m sorry. But did I wake you up?”  
“Why would you wake me up? I’m up because of Deokspatch. Some of us are going in some place to film in this early hour and you are one of them.”  
“Who will go else?”  
“Minhyuk, Shownu, Wonho, Hyungwon and me.”  
“Ah okay. I will be ready in a minute.” And Changkyun stood up and was dazzling a little. He looked lost but managed to put some warm clothes on.

“Are you all ready? Where is Gun?” The staff asked.  
The boys were lined up in the cold and suddenly the staff asked this. No one had told them Kihyun replaced him.  
“He wasn’t feeling well so I replaced him.” Kihyun lied and Changkyun understood what had happened in the dorm when he was sleeping. Another fight. Because of him.  
“Okay then. I guess it’s fine.”  
It was 5am and they were going in the seaside. In winter. For free time. What a nice morning.


	13. Night before real thing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Deokspatch ep9 and the night before the last episode...

12  
They were in the car  
I.M Kihyun Wonho Shownu Hyungwon Minhyuk. Kihyun made sure to sit next to I.M. Now he didn’t care if it was obvious or not. He cared about their new maknae.  
Kihyun looked around. All the members who were in the car were rather friendly. E had spoken with Minhyuk and since they are same age they understand each other pretty well. Minhyuk of course was mad but with the passing of time he softened.  
Wonho was confused but that’s because he has a big heart. And that’s the reason that heart has a spot for another one too.  
Shownu was coldblooded and he didn’t seem much concerned. He is so chill and Kihyun liked him for this side of his personality.  
Hyngwon.. well he is too lazy to care but he also wouldn’t keep anger for long.  
The episode would go smoothly. That’s for sure because they had Minhyuk the moodmaker there.  
“This is free time for all of us so let’s enjoy it okay?” Wonho spoke.  
“YES!” All replied except for Changkyun.  
“You too maknae.” Kihyun mentioned and they all looked at I.M.  
“Ah yeah. Of course.” He was still thinking about the nightmare and the fact that Kihyun came instead of Gun.  
“Ok you choose then. What song shall we play?” Minhyuk this time.  
“Why me?”  
“So if it is a terrible choice we can blame it on you. Yah! Can’t you see I’m being a good hyung here?”  
“Ah ok ok I got it. Let’s play a girlgroup song.”  
“Wait wait wait! Let’s choose Sistar then. If it’s a girlgroup then its them for sure!” Minhyuk as a Soyou stan.  
“I swear it’s a happy song so let’s play it.”  
“As you wish maknae!” Wonho played the song.  
“Now chill Changkyun. And have fun with us. We won’t bite.”  
Truth is that I.M felt rather comfortable around those guys now. Kihyun Hyungwon and Minhyuk already had approached him. They started hyping up. Mihyuk was on fire and I.M could feel how his seat was having a hard time not breaking!  
“Look at Shownu!” pointed Kihyun. “He is super excited!”  
“Yeah he is super happy!”  
I.M saw them and had already understood that Shownu was really quiet and kinda like a rock..  
And guys were turning the situation in such a comic show. He couldn’t help but smile!  
And then Shownu said “I~I Swar!”  
That made not only I.M but all crack!  
They decided to go to the beach. And they didn’t loose time getting off the car. Kihyun and I.M had the last seats so they got off the last.  
“Don’t worry too much. They are your hyungs, but they are all dumb. Just look at Wonho.”  
Wonho was playing with the waves in the shore like a 5 year old kid.  
I.M smiled.  
Actually he had a good time. All started running around and Wonho has such a childish spirit. He was unstoppable.  
“Anyone just anyone just catch him!” Hyungwon said.  
I.M did and they laughed how the youngest was fast enough to catch that rabbit.  
And of course they can’t let the sunrise go without some wishes.  
They were all wishing to debut or have money or win awards etc but then I.M said “ Let’s stay healthy... Fighting.”  
What kind of sunrising wish was that? They all laughed at him and it made Changkyun feel at ease and accepted.  
They had so much fun but of course. It was winter so it cold. They went into a café.  
“You are treating us?” Shownu asked the staff.  
“Yes! Order your drinks now.” A female director spoke.  
“Americano?” Wonho said.  
They agreed.  
“You too Changkyun?” Kihyun didn’t forget him and kept calling him with his family name.  
“Yes.”  
“Oh! And an ice cream for Wonho. He will eat it outside because it’s his penalty.” Kihyun was such a savage sometimes. He was laughing the whole time poor Wonho was eating with his teeth freezing.  
The Americano gathered them all in a table and it was Yaya time!  
“Should we really do it?” I.M asked the staff.  
“Yeah. It will be fun and it’s gonna be nice for the youngest.”  
“Why do you worry so much? Let’s do it. You are the maknae after all. You should be the one who agrees in the first place.” Minhyuk said. “Let’s start!”  
Minhyuk thought he had all in his hands.  
“Give it to me” He said to Kihyun and took his caffee.”  
“Gimme.” I.M spoke. Taking it from Minhyuk. They didn’t think I.M was gonna really do the yaja time. Where was the quiet I.M?  
Minhyuk wanted to control all the fun around him, this time asking Shownu and Wonho, the oldest ones about their age and saying *So young* after their answers.  
But the maknae tho.  
“And you?” He asked. Minhyuk was shook. He had given him a green light and told him to go ahead before the game and was being attacked. They laughed.  
“I’m 23.”  
“Good OLD times.” This was such a bomb and they didn’t realize how loud their laugh was. I.M was really funny and they were just getting to know him. It felt good.  
Then the maknae had the luck again. They were gonna do the image-boosting picture. Rock-Paper-Scissors decided that I.M was the winner. This lucky bastard posed in a cute way while them all posed in a derp way.  
“This is your day indeed man!” Wonho said smiling while they were going back to the company.  
“I don’t want to go and practice now.. I want to stay here more.” Minhyuk whined.  
“Stop it. There is only the group performance left and we are done.” Shownu replied to his lazy butt.  
“The guide is ready we need only the lyrics and a dance.”  
“Shownu is right. After this it’s all over.” Kihyun said.  
They stayed quiet then. The thought of debuting and the end of the show was sweet but failing was another thing…  
***  
Jooheon was already on the group performance lyrics. He was almost ready together with Gun. After coming back from the beach I.M too started working on it alone since two other rappers were together. He just asked Jooheon about the nr of lines he had, what part of the song, the concept and Jooheon directed him about those but also showed the other lyrics for vocalists and his own rap part.  
Recording the song went smoothly for the trainees but the performance took 3 days. Why?  
“Just do it right man!” Seokwon said to I.M.  
“He looks like he is solo. What is he doing?” Gun this time.  
They were making a human car and I.M was doing his best even tho it was really difficult when you get negative comments from those 2 people. He stayed calm. Never replied.  
“Don’t worry about those. Just do your thing.”  
“Yeah I know Kihyun hyung.”  
“You know my name now. That’s good.” Kihyun smiled because he still remembered the Taehyuk thing.  
Day-1 and the show was tomorrow. They made the last practice for solo and group performance and went home at 2 in the morning. And they still didn’t sleep.  
“Do you think I.M will beat Gun?” Wonho asked his roommates. They were all quiet and in their beds. Seemed like they were sleeping but he knew they were not.  
“Who knows. It will be big if he does.” Hyungwn said.  
“I wouldn’t mind if he won tho.” Kihyun said.  
“Yeah we all kinda get that. But what about Jooheon?”  
“What about him?”  
“Well Minkyun was eliminated and then I.M showed up. I.M beats his best friend and debutes. His dream about debuting with these two will be… I don’t know. Hurtful.”  
“Jooheon is smart. He was the first to talk to I.M tho. So I’m not worried about him. But for Gun, yes.” Shownu appeared in the discussion.  
“That’s right. At least Jooheon gets to debut.” Kihyun strikes.  
“What if Gun wins? We all know Jooheon is gonna make it. He is a beast. But Gun.” Wonho.  
“Then Kihyun will be sad.” Hyungwon teased.  
“Hey! I can easily hit you with my pillow from here you know?”  
“So scared omg.”  
“But what if they all debut?” Wonho asked.  
“Then, more vocalist will be eliminated.” Shownu straight answer made them think.  
“If there is anyone to be scared here that’s me.” Hyungwon said. “You guys have high numbers,”  
“Numbers mean nothing. And tomorrow it’s the real deal.” Kihyun couldn’t stay still. He got up.  
“Where are you going? To Minhyuk?” Wonho asked.  
“Why would I go to that room?” Minhyuk really got in Kihyun’s nerves a lot. But he was still his friend. He was worried because the moodmaker looked really low about his ranking.  
“Because your bff is there maybe.” Hyungwon teased again.  
“Very funny. But yeah I wanna see if they are asleep.”  
“So you will go there and say *Hi there are you asleep Minhyuk? Jooheon and my sweet Gunnie too?* right?”  
“Hyungwon imma come there and shorten those legs of you. You better stop it. Bastard.”  
“Hyungs laughed at the comic situation that always happens from Tom and Jerry.  
But Kihyun didn’t need to go in their room. Minhyuk was in the hall coming from the bathroom.  
“Where are you going?”  
“To you. I mean you guys. Are you sleeping?”  
“Only Gun is asleep. Me and Jooheon were talking. Let’s go in the kitchen. I want some water.”  
“Of course you want. With that tongue of yours that never stops I wonder how you don’t are still not in flames.”  
“Your jokes are getting better. But try again.”  
Minhyuk didn’t take a glass but drank from the bottle. Kihyun didn’t nag him this time. This might be their last night.  
“Are you okay tho?”  
“What do you mean? Im fine.”  
“We talked about your rank last time remember. You looked down.”  
Minhyuk was quiet. His face got serious.  
“Of course I was down. You have no idea how much money my parents are spending on me. I mean of course you guys are also in the same situation, but my family barely gets for the day. They work in the clothing store you already know, and the payment there is nasty and the work conditions even worse. My brother told me my mom was sick but she never told me. She didn’t buy medicine to save money for my training these days. She bought me clothes because she says that I should look good as you all in TV. I wanna debut not only for myself but for them too and my rank is terrible.”  
Minhyuk started crying.  
“I’m always trying to be positive and all and it’s tiring sometimes.”  
Kihyun saw how serious it was. His friend was crying in front of him and he couldn’t say much. His rank was good and comparing to Minhyuk, he was most likely to debut. How could he see Minhyuk in the eye and say it is fine? Instead of doing nothing he hugged him.  
“I’m sorry,” The words came out by themselves.  
“Why are you sorry for? It’s fine.” Minhyuk said with his head down. “I’m really impressed how you wanted to hug me with our heights difference.”  
They laughed and Kihyun pushed him away.  
“Moron.”


	14. Last debut mission

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Finale

I.M was in the bathroom. Somewhere he had read that washing your hands would make you less stressed. And he had been using this information since then. He didn’t remember when he got in the bathroom or when was he supposed to go out. He was just focused in the white foam in his hands. Someone came in. It was Seokwon.  
“Oh the others were looking for you.”  
He didn’t answer.  
Seokwon finished what he came to do and then went to wash the hands near I.M.  
“Do you think you can win today?” Seokwon asked looking down with a poker face.  
*Not again* I.M thought. Bathrooms for him now were a nightmare since that time with nosy Gun.  
“Your rival is Gun, Jooheon’s best friend. They dream of debuting together. But do you think you are better than Gun?”  
Did he really have to say the best friend thing? The dream thing? What did he want to say? That he didn’t have the right to beat Gun in this battle or that he was ruining their dreams? This was the finale so it was hard for everyone. It was harder for I.M but he wouldn’t like to seem weak in front of anyone. Even if he was scared af he would fake a strong voice and rely on his poker face to lie.  
“Yes.” He said simply and went out of the bathroom. It’s so cliche to say his heart was beating like crazy. Instead let’s say his heart was fighting with his lungs in a competition of who would break his chest first. He approached his team with shaken legs.  
“Did you do your make up?” Hyungwon asked.  
“Yeah.”  
“Then why you look so pale?”  
“ I always look pale..”  
“Well you got a point. Look at those three! They have a sexy performance. Look at the clothes.” And they laughed a little. “Imma go talk to Wonho for a bit.”  
Jooheon and I.M were left alone. After a little silence I.M spoke with a shaken voice.  
“Jooheon hyung..?”  
“Huh? What is it?”  
“I know the chances are small but if I win this chance I wanna say … im sorry for not letting you debut with your best friend. That’s your dream. And if you don’t make that dream a reality because of me please don’t hate me too much.”  
Jooheon didn’t know what to say. It was true he wanted to debut with Gun. The reality of I.M replacing Gun in the team hit him once again. Until that moment he was only thinking of his performance and his rap for the finale. He forgot… How would he feel? How would he feel when the winners are announced? But there was I.M in front of his eyes. He looked like a stray beaten puppy feeling guilty for something that wasn’t his fault. For something everyone would have done. He didn’t know how to answer.  
“Look Changkyun-ah. I thought we talked about this…”  
“I just wanted to say those words anyway. I will make a good performance so our team will be the best.”  
And I.M smiled a little and a dimple showed in his cheek. It was adorable. The smile was a sad one and it broke Jooheon’s heart. He wanted to do something.  
“Boy. Can you chill for a moment?” And Jooheon went closer and put his hand in I.M head like he was a little boy. For a moment Jooheon saw his little brother in the maknaes eyes and messed his hair just like he used to do to his bro.  
“I don’t mind debuting with you. At all. I hope you believe me because I have always been sincere to you.”  
His words made I.M feel a little more at ease. It was surprising how just some words could make him feel better.  
“Thank you.”  
Then the manager called Changkyun. His father was on the phone. He went a few steps away from Jooheon and found a small dark place where he could speak in peace.  
“Dad?”  
“Changkyun. Finally.”  
“You called again.”  
“Of course. This is the big day right? I have mom here. We are waiting for the show to start. She is very anxious and she isn’t even there. We are rooting for you from afar you know this right? Even your hyung is.”  
“….. Thank you..”  
“The manager told me to keep it short. But he doesn’t know your mom. She wants to talk to you but don’t let her speak too much.” His father laughed a little but before he could pass the phone I.M spoke.  
“Dad?”  
“Yeah Daniel?” He got worried. His son spoke with a low and weak voice. “Are you okay?”  
“I’m scared..” and his voice gave up. There was silence for a minute. The boy started to tear up. His family counted on him. He needed to win for them. But the win wouldn’t be such a happy one. He was gonna be in a team with strangers that may hate him for wining. Then again if he lost it’s even worse. Disappointing his family and himself. He was so confused.  
“Changkyun. Do you remember when you almost debuted? I got mad because you had invested so much time in that and you didn’t make it. But even tho I yelled from the phone my heart ached because I knew how much it meant for you the idol life. And after I saw you try so hard even after that issue, after I had that deep conversation with you, I realized even more how your dream of becoming a rapper was stronger than anything. You love that. You love to sing on stages. You love to write songs and rap. And if there is something I want my son to learn in this life is that you should fight for what you love. And now son, you are this close to debuting forreal! And we couldn’t be more proud. This chance comes one in a lifetime and it is yours! What I am trying to say is, you will debut and you will debut this year. And I know you are afraid of what will others feel around you, but that is just a minor problem. You have gotten past so many bigger issues while you grew up. You are strong and you can do this! Go out there and rap! Do what you want the most. Rap hard and tell everyone you deserve to debut more than anyone else. You will do this. And I am sure about it because after all you are my son! I talked so much.. but I hope you understand that being weak now means lose.  
“No you talked enough. Thank you dad.”  
“Your mom is giving me the stare.”  
“Omg just give the phone now.” And they both laughed a little.  
“Daniel!”  
“Mom.”  
“Your father told me to keep it short but he talked for both of us.”  
“Im sorry.”  
“Yeah I know you need his wise words I wanted to tell you some heart words and to be honest I don’t need to say anything else than… I’m proud of you baby and I can’t wait to see you on the TV. I miss you so much and I wish I was there in the crowd cheering for you. Please be happy and since debuting makes you happy then go for it baby! Mom loves you ..so much.”  
“Mom don’t cry. And I have to hang up now.”  
“Oh okay okay! Don’t forget to eat okay? You don’t eat when you get stressed! And also don’t eat your nails! Don’t put too much make up. Your face will get worse and idols these days put so..”  
“Okay mom I got it. I need to go.”  
“Alright. I love you!”  
“Love you too.”  
This was what he needed. He felt better. He had to do this for his parents and more important for himself. His father was right. He loved to perform and he would fight hard for this. It was his time to grab a win.  
~ ~ ~  
They were the first to perform and.  
“Let’s! run! up!” Jooheon said putting his fist out.  
“Is that even a sentence?” Hyungwon asked jokingly but still joined his fist.  
“You too.” Dimple boy didn’t forget the maknae. They all smiled and shouted.  
“Let’s! Run! Up!”  
“Bish I wanna get high~” I.M said it to himself with a low voice after the cheer was over but others heard it.  
“See? That’s addictive and cool! Genius lyrics.” Jooheon was so proud of those lines.  
The performance went well. They were pleased even tho I.M made a small mistake around the end of the song. He didn’t care. Maybe because no one would have noticed in their first listen. Or maybe because he had been performing with heart and that was the most important.

“I think this is the most confident I have seen them. That was great to see.”  
“They perfected their performances. Hyungwon has improved the most.”  
“Jooheon has always made aggressive and scary raps but this time I got to see something new from him and I liked it.”  
Positive. A great performance.  
“With no regrets. That’s all that matters. Are you regretting?” Hyungwon spoke in backstage.  
“Nope. No regrets.” I.M replied after shaking Jooheons hand like good buddies.  
“You?”  
“None.”  
“That’s it then. We did great!”  
Then they went to change their clothes for the final performance of all left trainees. Everyone did so well and the relust was unclear yet. Even the group performance was perfect. They gave it their all and all judges loved it.  
They gve the trainees a chance to speak their mind and I.M make a really short statement.  
“No matter if I get eliminated or not, I’d like o thank whoever made No.Mercy possible. Thank you.” And he meant that. This show had put him in some very difficult situation. Had been playing with his feelings. Had trained him in those few weeks that he was part of it. It was an experience he would never forget. And then was Gun.  
“We grew really close shooting No.Mercy. It feels like we are a family now.” I.M looked at him. Those words had so much irony in them. He didn’t care now. He would only wait for the decision and get over with. If Gun debuted then fine. I.M was still young. He would find another way. But if I.M won then Gun would finally shut up and I.M would debut making his dream a reality.  
And the moment came.  
“The first trainee to debut is..”  
Ok all trainees were thinking the same thing.  
*Please be me. Please be me!* No one can describe how they felt. No words can make you feel what they felt, what they experienced. We can only imagine. And multiply that imagination with 100times.  
“Jooheon”  
“Shownu”  
“Kihyun”  
“Hyungwon”  
“Wonho”  
Ok. One by one. The best were chosen. And with every member I.M felt like his time was running out. Only two left. He kept praying and in another second he lost hope. Then still prayed. He was almost crying. He now needed the debut. Standing there he understood how much he wanted to debut. How desperate he was. How ready he was to give everything he had just so his name could be called. Did he make the audience like him? Did he catch their attention? He was reflecting on everything he did. His mind was such a mess…  
*God Please. Please. Please. Just this time. Please. I’m begging. I need this. Please. Please…*  
“The sixth member to debut is… I.M congratulations.”  
He felt his legs giving up. He was shaken. He was almost crying. Did he hear it correctly? Was it his name? His name? I.M? He was gonna….. debut.. He was gonna debut! He forgot what he was supposed to do. He couldn’t walk. Not even stand. He then heard a voice from backstage,  
“Walk in the front now.”  
He then tried to wake up and remember how to walk. He was numb from head to toe but step by step he managed to ahead and stand in the platform with others. The last one to join was Minhyuk… Gun and Seokwon spoke some words and all what others could do was stand there higher than them, winners. They felt guilty. It was a bitter winning feel.  
“It was my dream to rap on stage together and Guns too. I’m sorry we can’t make it true.”  
That’s wat made I.M lower his head even more.  
“Look at each other.” Rhymer said. And so they did. Everyone except I.M. He didn’t know what to feel. He was super happy and proud. But also guilty and scared. The others noticed it too.  
“You guys are a team now.” This only sengtence… This short sentence made them think and feel something.  
“The guys next to you re your teammates.”  
They all were focused on those words. *Teammates* They would be there for each other. They would rely on each other. They would sing together, perform together, hope, cry laugh, eat together. I.M raised his head a little.  
“Starship has a new boygroup and this are the 7 members.”  
They forgot about the others for a moment. They were… the new boygroup. They did it! They were winners and after all this time, debuting was not a dream. It was a wonderful reality. They thought about their parents. How proud would they be! They were happy. They were all so happy! Everyone smiled. They went down the platform and started hugging each other. Shownu went to I.M and shook hands. Hyungwon too. Then I.M stayed at the end of the line waiting for the artists to meet him. Others were gathered together being happy and congratulating each other. Then Minhyuk saw I.M alone. He told Kihyun about it and they called him.  
“Changkyun-ah!” He looked at them. He wanted to join but felt like a stranger. This before Kihyun called his name.  
They welcomed him. Minhyuk hugged him and Kihyun too. Wonho took off the hoodie where I.M hid his face and messed his hair. He could’t look at Jooheon.  
“I am sorry.” He managed to say where Jooheon came closer.  
“What are you talking about? Why are you crying? Just work hard okay?”  
“Yes hyung..” His voice trembled. Jooheon hugged I.M and felt how that boy was shaking.  
Tomorrow they would wake up as a team. From now on everything would be different. For all of them.


	15. I.M nightmares

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Day after debut news/ I.M friend/ His nighmares

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I posted without seeing mistakes. I'll review again later~

“Kwill will treat you guys today. Enjoy it while you can.”  
Manager said to the winners driving them to the company.  
“We will eat good today! Yayy!” Minhyuk said.  
“No need to cook today!” Kihyun smiled.  
“Btw Kihyun, you are the only one who knows to cook properly so..”  
“So what Minhyuk?”  
“You will be in charge of cooking for the group! Since you are there, do the cleaning too.”  
“Yah! Why do you make me wanna slap your face this early in the morning?”  
“Speaking of cleaning” Hongsik said. “ The dorm will be having some changes. The extra beds will be moved out, if you have any clothes you want to throw do it today, there will be coming new kitchen items and taking some others, the walls need to be clean and who the hell draw that face in the wall near the bathroom?”  
“That was Gun. He told me he got scolded a lot.” Wonho said.  
“That’s right. Because its not his property and neither starship’s. Where was I? Ah yeah. Decide your roommates.” Saying this he got a call. It was about the other boys. Gun and Seokwon.  
“What is it Hongsik hyung?” Jooheon asked.  
“It’s Gun and Seokwon. They are now on their way to their families. Gun will be back in some days and as for Seokwon, he wants to rest longer.”  
“When will we rest...” Hyungwon sighed.  
“You have days rest too. Maximun 5 because you need to prepare for you know, debut.”  
“Debut… It feels surreal!” Wonho’s smile showed in his face.  
“It really does.” Kihyun agreed.  
And they all began thinking about it. How long had they waited. Dreamed about it. Even cried. They had fought so much for this. They were happy. The sadness for the other trainees was there but now they had moved on. That’s how it seemed. Gun said he thought of this as some wake up call to work even harder. He was more positive than expected. Seokwon was calm. He said he finally could sleep in peace. He was gonna meet Yoonho before he went to his parents. Before leaving, those two cheered the winners up.  
The winners were on their way to meet the CEO. Kim Shi Dae of Starship. I.M thought of the time when he was asked to join No.Mercy. No he will be debuting.  
The office was not big but also not small. Boys seated in big black couches and the CEO sat in a armchair in the middle. The boys read the contract at ease. Asked questions and then signed it.  
Wonho would be the leader. Jooheon main rapper. Kihyun main vocal.  
“Your personalities got pretty much exposed from the reality show. Seems like the group will have a mood maker too.”  
“Yes I will work hard.” Minhyuk said.  
CEO laughed.  
“You can’t work hard in that. The role can’t be forced. When you want to introduce yourselves before a show you should be comfortable with what you are represented with. And the visual game was strong.”  
“We know. There are many visuals amongst us.” Hyungwon said.  
“I guess we can just put you as the official one? Since you were also known in no.mercy for your modeling. Do you all agree?  
“Fine by us. To be honest... we just want to debut. Hehe~” Minhyuk spoke and they smiled.  
“Oh I know that. So this is the current situation then. What to you think of Hongsik?”  
“He is nice!” Minhyuk said. “Also cute.”  
The CEO smiled.  
“Do you want him to be your manager even after debuting?”  
“Hongsik? Of course.”  
Hongsik smiled and said “It’s not like it’s you who decide it. The CEO aleready made his mind but asked for fun. Yeah I will be you manager so be nice.”  
“It won’t be only him. There will be 2 more. Seungchan and Junhyuk.These three for now. You will have at least one for each after some time. You know you will be extra busy right? Before you start preparing for the debut you will do e thorough body examination to check your health. I have here your last check ups. If I see it necessary I will postphone the debut date which is decided for 14 april. Call your parents or meet them around these days because later you won’t even have time to breathe.”  
“So the schedule for today is health checkup then Kwill dinner.”  
“Yeah simple as that.”  
“We will use the vans we have used until now?”  
“No. There is that new mini van for the team. The one that I told you about. Use that from now on. And hat’s all I had for today. I got your phone numbers so I will call if there is something I wanna tell you personally but I guess the managers will make sure you won’t use your phones much.”  
“Well time to go. Oh yes! We have the last episode for Deokspatch to shoot!”  
“I forgot about that. Damn it. Well do it tomorrow. I will call them now to postphone it.”  
“Okay. Anything else?”  
“ I don’t think so. You may leave.”  
They were leaving one by one. Bowing to the CEO and smiling.  
“I guess you weren’t just for show.” Kim ShiDae said to I.M while they were leaving. Changkyun turned to face him.  
“I’m glad I could show it to you.” he said and smiled a little.  
“Let’s go.” Hongsik said. And the last who left the room was Kihyun. So he heard something while moving to the door.  
“Who is the one with the injured leg?”  
“The new new one but I think it’s okay now. We will see the results.”  
They also discussed something else but Kihyun couldn’t hear it. Hongsik got out fast and they got into the van. Kihyun thought about what he had listened. Changkyun has an injured leg? And then he remembered. One day he was walking with very small steps after falling from the car and hitting his knee on the ground. He injured his leg there?  
The whole day the boys were happy and excited. In the hospital, they were all over the place from a room to the other. Smiling like kids. Even I.M smiled a little listening to the guys’ jokes, and looking at the great atmosphere that surrounded them, he felt at ease. Then it was his turn. He was gonna check his knee again. He gulped. What if it was worse? What if he couldn’t debut? What if the debut got postphoned because of him? Would the boys hate him again? He just hoped to be better. He prayed before entering the room.  
“When will we get to see the results?” I.M asked after getting out.  
“The results will be out fast. I guess we can get them tomorrow. Why?”  
“Nothing. Just curious.”

They went back to the company. The manager had some work to finish and the boys stayed at a practice room.  
“We will still practice here but as a team which will debut soon. I’m still not used to the thought.” Wonho spoke.  
“Of course you are not. You just got the news yesterday.” Kihyun replied.  
“Wow so we really gonna be in one team? Me and Kihyun?” Minhyuk the roasting king scored again.  
“Yeah. Problem with that?”  
“No. Nope. I’m thankful to you and your cooking skills. You gonna be the chef of the group.”  
“Who was the main vocal again?” Kihyun asked with a smirk.  
“Oooh that’s savage and smooth. I acknowledge that.”  
Minhyuk and Kihyun were same age and always fighting like little kids. Kihyun was used to his stupid jokes and Minhyuk loved to make Kihyun angry and hear his cheesy sarcastic lines.  
“Oh my god. Is this how you two are gonna be every day?” Wonho laughed. “I hope you won’t fight tho. Shownu and I will have to separate you two.”  
“Muscle men!” Jooheon screamed.  
“Shownu can’t even hurt a fly.” Minhyuk attacked again.  
“But I can hurt you now tho.”  
“Woah Shownu did Kihyun give you some sarcasm lessons?”  
They laughed. “We are so doomed.” Hyungwon said and the laughter continued.  
The manager came after half an hour and he told them to wait outside at the back entrance of the company till he came. They did what he asked and there someone met them.  
“Changkyun-ah!”  
They all turned to see.  
“Changkyun-ah! Here you are!”  
“Hyung what are you doing here…”  
“Hello everyone. I’m Taehyuk a friend of Changkyun. Nice to meet you all.” He bowed and meet every one with a handshake.  
“Hello.” The others greeted him back.  
“Why are you here?” Changkyun asked.  
“Hey you punk aren’t you happy to see me? I will be busy after some time so I thought to pass by your current company, say hello and give you my new phone number so we can stay in touch. I came here yesterday too but you weren’t here. Thank god I found Hongsik. This is a huge building btw.” He was energetic and looked fun. His smile was also a smile that couldn't be one of a bad guy.  
“You know Hongsik?” Minhyuk asked him because it was weird how a stranger could call the manager like that. Like it was his friend or smth.  
“Yeah. I was a trainee too. I went from company to company and at the very first one I met Hongsik, but he left after some time to come here in Starship. We kept in touch.”  
“Yeah he made a lot of friends along the way.” I.M said.  
“I may know half of Korea hehe~ and! I also know who is gonna debut soon!” He laughed hitting I.M with his elbow a little.  
“You know, guys will be so happy about you! But don’t worry. The news will stay between us.”  
“It only happened yesterday. How did you know?” Minhyuk again.  
“Hongsik said *Go meet your little friend and congratulate him.* and I asked about what. And he told me that I.M won No.Mercy! You don’t have to worry about me knowing it. Worry about those.”  
And he looked behind them and signaled them too. There were 3 or 4 girls. They couldn’t see much. They could have only seen I.M Minhyuk and Taehyuk because the van was so big that it covered them all.  
“Is he always so serious?” He asked I.M and smiled.  
“No. He is the funniest there…” Minhyuk made a sly smile and was kinda proud.  
“Thank you! That’s right.”  
“Oh okay. So you have someone to make you laugh. That’s a relief. But why do you look so serious right now? You are supposed to be happy and be all over the place being cute!”  
And he messed I.M’s hair. The boys were just watching. He looked like a brother. Like a real one to him and he was cheerful too. He looked like he knew I.M from little… and cute? I.M?  
“He is dead serious most of the time. Cute?” Kihyun said. Taehyuk looked at the maknae.  
“This is getting embarrassing.” Changkyun said.  
“He needs time to open up. He is that kind of man. But his duality is wow. You will know when you spend more time with him.”  
“Did you come to see me or…” Changkyun ears were getting red. He found it super embarrassing talking about him.  
“Yes you’re right. I’m sorry. Don’t be too jealous. I came to see how were you doing and I gave you my number. Do you want me to leave already”  
“Let him talk. He has some tea.” Kihyun said smiling with a cheek smile. That’s the smile when his dimples in the cheeks are shown.  
Taehyuk laughed.  
“Well I won’t talk much since my friend here isn’t too comfortable. But let me ask something. Who is the aegyo king amongst you?”  
“I am.” Jooheon said after all pointed their fingers to him smiling.  
“Well imma tell you this Kihyun. Changkyun can beat his aegyo.”  
“Shut up.” Hyungwon said and opened his mouth impressed. (like in Right Now when they were said to open the book to decide the place where they were gonna visit.)  
“Yeah hyung shut up. Why do you have to be this embarrassing?” I.M hated the situation but he missed his hyung. He was the one who looked after him the most.  
“Okay okay. I will be moving to another company but my living place will be the same. Come visit me if you want but I guess you will be busy.”  
“Thank you for coming hyung.”  
“That’s fine kiddo. I’m glad you are fine. And don’t get too stressed okay? Keep those nightmares away.”  
“I’m not stressed much. Don’t worry. If you meet the boys tell them hi from me.”  
“I will! So nice to meet you guys and I’ll be leaving now. Take care of this punk.” He said shaking their hands. He hugged I.M and then walked back to leave.  
“Sorry about that.” Changkyun said going in the van.  
“What are you sorry about?” Jooheon said making himself comfortable in the seat. “This van looks dope tho.”  
Kihyun was the last to enter. Then he remembered something. He went out of the van and ran back to Taehyuk.  
“Did he rushed to the toilet?” Minhyuk said.  
He rushed to Taehyuk and caught him somewhere in the halls.  
“Your name was Taehyuk right?”  
“Oh yeah... Why?”  
“I.M mentioned you once. He was having a bad dream and I woke him up and tried to calm him and he called me by your name. And just now you mentioned something about his nightmares?”  
“Oh I see. Hm… I don’t know how much Changkyun has told you and what I should say because I want him to say things by himself you know? But he was my roommate once and he had nightmares when he was stressed. He woke me many times and I tried to calm him. Sometimes even slept with him. Don't laugh." And he laughed himself for a second just to turn serious right after. "How long has it been since he has been having nightmares?”  
“Only once as im aware of. Why?”  
“If he gets them for a long time, he sleepwalks and it’s scary. I hope you don’t have balconies in your dorm… do you?”  
“Damn. We do. Don’t tell me it’s that bad.”  
“Well once he wanted to open the door but it was locked so he couldn’t go out. Just lock the doors that take you out of the dorm. But anyway I don’t know if his nightmares got better. I haven’t met him for a while. Maybe he got used to them or found a way to sleep well. Omg I sound like a father.”   
“He doesn’t sleep much… I guess maybe he does that to not have nightmares?”  
“I don’t know. I have no idea because I don’t know the situation inside your dorm. I mean if he really doesn’t sleep it can be because he doesn’t want you to know. He won’t be a nuisance with his nightmares, to you who have just met him. He… Ok maybe we are over thinking right now. He is older now and I know he is strong. Don’t treat him like a sick man.”  
“Yeah yeah I understand.”  
“It’s fine. As soon as you guys keep him closer, he will be better.”  
“That’s what I think too. Oh! And can I have your number too?”  
“Hm… I guess that's fine. Since I like you I will give it.”  
So without knowing Kihyun had become I.M’s guardian angel number 1. Why? Because Kihyun had a big heart. He was smart too. And he forgives. I.M would be their maknae and he curious about him a lot. The guys saw the manager coming.  
“We have to go now. Hongsik is coming.”  
“Okay! See you on TV!”  
“Woah. Thank you. I'm still not used to the thought.” And Kihyun’s shy smile shone bright.  
They went separate ways and the team was in the van going to the place where they would eat. It was a nice restaurant and Kwill had reserved a section only for the boys in the second floor. Music was on, lights were warm and the food delicious. They sat together. I.M Kihyun Minhyuk sat in a row and facing them were the others. Kwill of course sat in the head of the table and in the end was the manager. The whole dinner time consisted of Kwill advices and his compliments. He was sometimes harsh and he also apologized if he hurt them during the show. He was proud of them but also put some pressure on their shoulders sayig that they were Starships new boygroup and they must do well to succeed.  
“Come on drink a little.” Kwill said smiling.  
“Hyung, how can we. We are idols right now.” Shownu spoke and this made the sunbae laugh.  
“Yes you will be idols but you don’t really think the company will control your life. I mean yeah, they will be in charge of many things including your health your schedule your holidays etc but you can of course drink with other artists as long as your manager is there. Is that right Hongsik?”  
“Yeah. They are such kids.”  
“Take good care of them then. By the way I.M. How is it going blending in the team? Any problem?”  
Changkyun was eating well. Actually he had Kihyun by his side telling him to eat and eat and grilling a lot of meat for him. He didn’t feel bad. Who would feel bad being fed like a baby? He really began to Like Kihyun too. And was impressed how caring the little hyung was.  
“It’s going okay. I’m fine.”  
“Yeah I see. Kihyun is feeding you well.”  
“He is a really nice hyung.”  
Kihyun smiled and then he heard Minhyuk say “The mama in the team.” The Kihyun put a big meat wrapped with salad in Minhyuk’s mouth and the talkative dude almost choked.  
Kwill laughed out loud. The boys were like his kids.  
“Good. Good, You need someone like him in the team. He is irreplaceable.”  
It went well. They talked a lot and also danced in the end. Made jokes and spoke about responsibilities and the idol life. When they got in the dorm they were tired and a little drunk. Shownu was throwing blankets from a bed to another and Jooheon was speaking English. Minhyuk didn’t drink at all so he was the only one who noticed that the extra beds were moved.  
“Oh the beds!”  
“Oh yeah the beds.” Kihyun agreed. “I.M choose what room you wanna sleep.”  
“I don’t know. Whatever you want. The living room is good too. I got used to it.”  
“No. No. You are sleeping in a bed. A bed. Nice and coo~zy.” Kihyun was funny as a drunk man. “This room is full already.”  
Shownu Hyunwon Jooheon and Wonho were already sleeping.  
“Yo that’s my bed. Yo! Jooheon.” Kihyun’s bed was invaded. “That’s it. Imma sleep with you maknae.”  
“Hm.. hm.. there are enough beds hyung.”  
“I’m not that dumb maknae. I meant I will sleep in a room with you. So it will be You, me and Minhyuk. You sleep in the bed under mine okay?” Even a little drunk he remembered the sleep-walking thing. I’d be dangerous if I.M slept in the upper bed. Changkyun went into the bathroom and after a while he heard a knock. Well living with 6 other people would include a lot of bathroom knocks.  
“Are you done?” Kihyun said. “Wanna use your face cream.”  
“Ah yeah. I am.” They both used the face cream and were taking care of their face when Minhyuk knocked.  
“Kihyun can I come in?”  
“Go ahead.”  
And Minhyuk came, unzipped his pants and did the #1 thingie. Kihyun didn’t mind at all. But I.M washed his face for the 10th time so he wouldn’t see Minhyuk. He felt like he was invading his privacy. Such a shy maknae.  
They slept. Minhyuk went into such a deep sleep with his mouth wide open and his foot shaking a little. I.M wanted to sleep as fast as possible and thank god he did. Kihyun came into the room the last. He saw the two other boys. They were sleeping peacefully.  
“Changkyun-ah!” he whispered but no answer. He waited for any move to tell him that he was awake but I.M didn’t move. He was in dreamland. That night went peacefully. In the morning Kihyun checked again and was happy to see all them sleeping like babies. Especially I.M. No bad dreams, just a cute sleepy head snoring.


	16. A beaten up puppy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After everyone finds out he was a winner, some weren't very happy. The result was hate and I.M get beaten up, left in the street and MX needs to think fast.

“Did you sleep well?” Kihyun asked I.M  
“Yeah. I slept a lot.”  
“Get up now. We need to film the last episode of Deokspatch. And get ready a little fast. It’s kinda late.”

Kihyun made sure he woke everyone up before I.M. He let the young man rest. The boys had been rushing to get dressed, go to the bathroom and eat breakfast. I.M enjoyed an empty bathroom but just as his hyung said, he got ready really quick. Well he didn’t want to be a bother.

“Are you all ready?” Hongsik went into the dorm and saw the mess.  
“Yeah. We were just waiting for you.” Shownu replied.  
“Okay. Into the van and then to Starship and then, you gotta start working.”

He said this walking down the stairs and humming a melody along the way to the van. Such an uncle material.

“By the way the health check up that you did yesterday. Turns out it’s the same. 5 outta 7 of you have a bad eyesight. So will you wear contact lenses in broadcasts. Well each of you has it’s own prescription right now. You can take a look when we arrive.”

And they did. I.M looked for his file. He was worried. Worried about the team not about his health. It’s fine if his leg is in bad condition, but if it turned out to be a problem for the team they would hate him. He didn’t like to be a burden to anyone and he had started the journey with the wrong foot.

Thank god his knee was alright. He has had chronic knee pain for some years now and he was really careful with his dancing. His skin trouble was as bad as ever. Well he didn’t give much thought to it. He also needed to eat and had a diet written down as an example but who would follow that? No one except Wonho.

Deokspatch crew was there. And they started fast. They needed to end the series and it was late already with the postphoned schedule. The guys were sent into a practice room and there were post-it in the mirror.

“Okay now take one and read it outloud. The new member will start first.”  
I.M saw many letters and he said   
*why not go with English? I’m good at it so it’d be a plus.*   
And so he did, What he choose was a great message and directed to him.

“I.M Keep doing what you do homie. Don’t let the haters bring you down.” It made him feel better. There were people out there supporting him and felt really nice. He smiled and thought that, being a member in this team wouldn’t be bad after all.  
Others read one two before the staff told them to change.

“Oh? Change?” Minhyuk asked.  
“Yes we were supposed to shoot this thing yesterday and today we will go shoot in another place. You need to look fancy there. Don’t worry we have clothes ready. Just choose.”  
“Woah this feels new.”

They got changed in another room pretty fast and the staff was already gone. They were amazed how in a rush they were doing things. Their next stop was a meeting with fans. Like 15-20 of them asking them questions.

“Why weren’t we told. What am I supposed to say?” Wonho was worried.  
“Go with your instinct.” Hyungwon said. “How hard can it be?”  
“There is the script. Wonho you will introduce the team name.” Hongsik said driving.  
“The team name?” Okay they had filmed a short clip where they asked fans to give ideas for the name but they never got an answer to that..  
“Yeah you are MONSTA X”  
“Woah that sounds cool!” Jooheon was excited. 

With all the worrying and the cringey moments the shooting went well. They enjoyed the light of the cameras now and the curious eyes of the fans. It felt heart-warming. That day was a really happy one and back to the dorm they slept like dead bodies. They knew a hard life was waiting for them. Some may say being an idol is easy and all what they have to do is sing and they are happy. But no. Just like every other you job, being an idol is difficult. The sleepless hours, the late night practices, the countless videos, the tight schedules, the rumors. It is stressful just like other jobs. Maybe sometimes more. They knew it all and yet they were happy. They were still your, fearless to catch their dreams. Step one was near. Debut. They were gonna debut! This was their biggest dream till then. 

 

*2 dayslater*

 

I.M and Jooheon were working in the studio. Lyrics and melodies. For some reason Jooheon felt different. He was a little distanced from I.M?  
On the other hand Kihyun was really sweet to him. And Changkyun would know the weird behavior of Jooheon just a few hours later after turnig back from song writing to their dorm.  
Other guys were in the living room watching a movie. They joined them. I.M still didn’t get close to them. It was difficult and something kept bothering him but didn’t know what.  
After the movie ended they started talking about debut and winning. And somewhere in the conversation his topic was mentioned.

“I kinda knew I.M was gonna debut for sure. I told you right?” Jooheon said.  
“What?” Kihyun said.  
“I guess we all had that idea at first.” \  
Jooheon kept talking and playing with his hat. He didn’t think it would hurt Changkyun, but it did. The maknae was broken. Not just because of the words, but because of the person who said those. He didn’t expect it from Jooheon for whom he had created such a brotherly image of. It hurt a lot.

“Now we gotta get to know you more right Changkyun?” Jooheon said and looked at him.

I.M had a poker face but his eyes showed disappointment and Jooheon had seen those eyes before in that small studio room where he had that real first talk. He understood he had said something bad. He wanted to apologize but I.M spoke first.

“Yeah. I am sorry I will be a burden to you all. I will work hard to show you that I can be valuable for the team.”  
And he left the room to go in bathroom.

He cried… He thought it would be over by time but why wasn’t this getting any better? Would they ever accept him? What if they never did? Would it still be a good idea to leave the team without debuting?

He was getting weaker. He never cried but his tears were now falling like a river. But he stopped himself from making any noise and thought that keeping the bath occupied for too long would not be a good thing.  
Meantime Jooheon and other guys were there in the living room still.

“I didn’t know I said something bad.”  
“You should be more careful.” Shownu said.  
“But we all had this thought right? Who didn’t? No body. I thought it like that before but now I know he is a good rapper so that’s why he was chosen. Arrghh! My mouth!”  
“I’m sorry to not be selfish but, even if he was made to debut since before I.M didn’t really change anything for me. I am debuting and other guys who didn’t have the chance will move on. We still debuted because we were the best. It’s not his fault.” Shownu said.  
“We are not blaming him. There is nothing to be blamed. Can we stop this now because as those artists said we’re a team and this is all we have. Each other. So in order to be a strong group we need to work together. We should move on as soon as possible and start getting along.” Kihyun this time.

Well he was damn right. So he ended that discussion there.

“When he gets out talk to him.” Wonho said to Jooehon.  
“You know I would do that even if you didn’t say it right?”  
“Yo! Have some respect for your hyung would you?”  
“Okay hyung~” He sais cutely.

I.M got out and went straight to the living room to take his pyjamas, keeping his head down not looking at the others.

“Will you sleep now?” Minhyuk asked him.  
“Yeah. That's why I’m taking my sleeping clothes.”  
“Oh. Right.” Awkward Minhyuk was a cutie because he would make that dumb smile and scratch his dead, getting a little shy and redish.  
“Ok time for us to sleep too. Everyone in their rooms.”  
“And you say you are not like a mom. Tsk!”  
“Shut up Minhyuk.”  
***

Minhyuk was the last to go in the bathroom and he did it on purpose so he could let Jooheon and I.M speak alone in their room.

“I didn’t want to hurt you. I just said those words without thinking. I know it’s hard for you and I know I am supposed to be your hyung. I messed it up I know.”  
“No it’s fine. I knew you all thought like that. I know some fans also think this way. I know it is my job to prove all wrong.”  
“And you will. I never told you this, but I know you are good at rapping. And I know you will prove them wrong. I used to think like that and other guys too. Let’s be real it was a shook for us too just like it was for you. But now we are debuting. The best are debuting, If you won that means you are the best. And I believe that. I am terrible when I apologize but haaa…. Im sorry. Can I be your favorite hyung again?”

I.M smiled because in that last sentence Jooheon made a really cute pouty face. No wonder he was the king of aegyo.

“Who said you were my favorite hyung?” He said smiling and going near the bed.  
“Hmm I know I know~” The cutie said moving his body like a kid. “We cool?”  
“We cool.” And they shaked hands like men do and Jooheon gave him a sudden hug.  
“I fucked up right?”  
“It’s okay.” Said I.M hitting Jooheon’s back.

~*~

The final episode of No Mercy was broadcasted and people were excited. There were all kind of articles and fans were all over the place. In the same way were the haters too.  
The manager didn’t let the boys read the comments. He even collected their phones. The boys didn’t really know what kind of response they were getting. I.M knew that not all of the comments about him were good and supportive. He knew some offended him but he tried to play it cool. But he didn’t know what was waiting for him that day.

“Will you come?”  
“No I will work on this some more. You go ahead.”  
“I can’t leave you alone. C’mon.”  
“It’s okay Jooheon. I won’t be too late.”  
“Why you do this to me. Kihyun will kill me.”  
“You will die of empty stomach before going to him tonight so move.”  
“I will come back after I get something to eat near here. We will go home together. See yah man.”

Jooheon stomach was making noises and I.M laughed at it after his hyung went away. But he shouldn’t have gone.  
A few moments later I.M took his bag and went outside of the company to get some fresh air and also wait for Jooheon. He went around the building, walked one block away with small steps just to chill and saw three guys in a corner smoking. They were trainees there but I.M didn’t know.

“Look who we got here.”  
“Are you I.M?”

And they came closer to him. He found himself moving back but one of them caught his bag taking it off him.

“Give it to me.”  
“Why? Can’t you come and get it?” And the man went back at the hidden place, that dark corner that now looked terrifying.   
“Please give it.” The boy was scared.In that bag were his lyrics he had worked so hard for. He dared to walk a little closer to them to get his bag back. He was alone.  
“Just tell me this. How much? How much did you pay for it?”

I.M didn’t speak. Was this really happening? They can’t possibly do that. They can’t be that mean. They... can’t beat him up. Can they? Was this a nightmare? He wanted to wake up.

“You now a few days earlier I wouldn’t do this but now, I don’t see why not.”  
He threw the bag on the ground and… yes. He hit I.M.  
His fist went straight to Changkun’s stomach. That boy didn’t eat much but if he did he would have thrown it up. He couldn’t stand up, fell on the ground holding his body tight, putting his arms around himself. His whole body was feeling the shook.

“Man you can’t do this.” One of them said.  
“You know how hard trainees work? And you go and debut in a reality program with 2 years of rapping experience? While we stay here and work our asses of for more than 6 years? For what? Just to be expelled? There is something fishy. It’s you!”

Saying that he gave I.M a kick in the ribs.

“Stop..”  
Changkyun’s voice became weaker as that guy kicked him more than 3 times.

“Are you that rich? You shouln’t even debut! Your group will flop because of you! You piece of sh*t!”

And he hit I.M in his already sick knee. A crack was heard and he screamed so hard and put his fists on the ground. Couldn’t look up to see their faces. Couldn’t say anything from the pain. couldn’t move. He now couldn’t even breathe.

“Yo. Let’s go man!” That one person said again trying to hold him. “Let’s get going c’mon!”

I.M couldn’t believe it. Can he wake up already? He can’t possibly be there, lying on the cold street in pain with his body shaking. He wanted to crawl and go to his bag but he couldn’t even move an inch. He cried and screamed of pain and he tasted some blood… He had bit his inner lip so hard he didn’t even notice. It was freezing and he couldn’t feel his body. He couldn’t think and his mind went black. His vision went black…

~*~

“Changkyun-ah! Changkyun-ah! Yah! Wake up! Wake up! Changkyun-ah! Come on man.”  
Jooheon didn’t even have a cellphone to call anyone so he thought he could make I.M come to his senses and then look for help. He run as soon as he saw the young man lying down on the street and the things that he had bought fell down from his hands.

“Changkyun-ah! Please! Please!”  
Jooheon was so damn scared. His body was shaking and his heart was racing. He felt at fault too. He wanted to cry but he was so shocked. He prayed so hard and began shaking the maknae.

“Wake the fuck up!”  
Changkyun opened his eyes. What was he doing there with Jooheon? Why were they on the street? Why was he so numb from the cold? But yeah. He remembered a second later.

“I’m so sorry! I’m sorry! I’m sorry! Please forgive me.” Jooheon said crying now.

Crying had become like a friend to the guys all this time. He helped I.M get up and held him by the waist. They were scared. Jooheon hated himself. He had a bad feeling about leaving I.M alone and yet he went away. How could he do that? Now he was the one to blame. Changkyun seemed to be hurt lately just because of him.

“You need to go in hospital.”  
“No… please.”  
“What are you saying?”  
“I just wanna go home.”

Home? Dorm? His hometown? Was I.M so shook he couldn’t notice he was far away from Gwangju? Or did he really mean home the dorm with six new people around him? Jooheon decided to go with the second feeling.  
“But you are hurt…”  
“I can walk. Let’s… go in the company and call a taxi. I don’t want manager hyung to find out.”  
“What the hell? How can we keep this a secret? Are you serious? Come on let’s go.”

***

“What the hell? What happened?”  
All the guys gathered to see.  
“Open the way man!” Jooehon said holding I.M.   
“Put him in the in your bed.”  
“Why didn’t you take him in the hospital? He isn’t okay! Why did you bring him here? Answer me.”  
“Minhyuk, gosh! He wanted to come here himself. He didn’t even want to tell the manager. How was I supposed to react?”  
“He looks badly hurt! You shouldn’t have listened to him!”

Jooheon got out of the room and went in the kitchen breathing heavily.

“What did I do? Damn! Damn! Damn!”  
“What do you mean?” Minhyuk had followed him.  
“I left him alone and bought some instant ramen to eat. He said he was gonna be okay and then when I came back he was on the street unconscious. He didn’t want to tell manager hyung, nor he did want to go in the hospital. I took a taxi and came here damn!”  
“Kiyun will take care of him for now…”  
“Kihyun ain’t no damn doctor! What the hell are you saying! Did you see him? He couldn’t stand! What the hell should we do? Wha..”  
“Ok Jooheon it’s not your fault. Relax now. We will take him to hospital no matter what he says. Let’s go see him.”  
Wonho and Shownu were taking care of him. They knew more than the others about these stuff. I.M shirt was off. They had taken ice packs out of the freezer and used it for the bruises in his body. He was so skinny and listening to him trying to hold back the screams of pain, made their hearts hurt. They were his hyungs. They were supposed to take care of each other and it was going bad since the start.

“He is talking weird stuff.” Hyungwon said.   
They went closer and heard him. What they caught was Wonho telling him he needed to go in hospital.  
“I-I don’t… I can’t… Please not yet.”  
“Why not. Tell us. You can’t stay like this.”  
“I don’t want to be kicked out... “  
“Wait what? No. What are you saying?”

I.M’s logic told him that if he was sick he would be kicked out of the group. The others saw this and felt so sad. They wanted to hug that puppy and tell him he didn’t need to leave.

“I don’t think he has any broken ribs.” Shownu said. He is lucky.  
“How do you know? You can’t know that. He may be sicker than you say.”  
“Jooheon you can feel your last ribs tho. It’s not that hard.”  
“This is so stupid ffs! I’m telling the manager.”  
“No! Not now. I will go to hospital okay? Just not now. Can I sleep here? Don’t tell the manager yet.”  
He wanted to gain time. It was a lost cause but maybe in the morning, when he felt better, he would convience them not to take him in the hospital at all.  
What will the other members do?...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let's do smth. How about you all participate in the story?  
> Whatdo you want the story to include? Hehe~  
> After you read this tell me, what would you think it would be better and more real?  
> Hospital or member taking care of him? >.<


	17. Beaten up puppy...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I.M gets beaten up. Leg surgery. Hospital. Jookyun~

He wanted to gain time. It was a lost cause but maybe in the morning, when he felt better, he would convince them not to take him in the hospital at all.

In the room there was only Jooheon and Kihyun. It had only passed one hour since he got hurt but it looked like an eternity.  
I.M wanted to sleep. He didn't remember where he got hit and his knee was numb. This not for too long.  
As soon as he moved his leg a little, he wanted to scream of pain but he held it in.  
Kihyun saw it.  
"Does it hurt?  
“Oh shit…” [in English]  
“Yo maknae.. Where does it hurt?” Kihyun was shook at his language but who cared. The most important thing now was his health. And he went to touch where it hurt just like Shownu did to see if he had any broken ribs.  
“No no no no noo!” I.M said in a rush. “Don’t touch it..”  
His eyes were almost teary and Kihyun felt something for the guy. He wanted to protect him.  
“Where does it hurt? Tell me.”  
I.M layed back and pressed his head on the pillow grinning his teeth and grabbing the sheets strongly with his hand. His leg was hurting now. It was no more numb. But how bad was it? He needed to see. But he had no strength t get up and also he was scared too. He should get it back together is not like he is gonna die from some fists. Still it’s not his upper body what he was concerned of, but his leg.  
“Can i see?”  
“Wait what? See what?”  
Did Kihyun just asked to see his knee - meaning take off his trousers?  
“See your knee of course. It must be hurt very badly. And come on! We are both men why are you so shook? Don’t you shower with your friends?”  
“It is fine really…”  
Ok Kihyun was fed up.  
“Yo kid! Do you understand the situation right now. You are beaten up and you don’t even let me take care of you? Like what the hell are you thinking? If you don’t look at it, will it get better by itself? You are not a baby so let me damn have a look at that. Take this blanket you shy girlie.”  
And he took a pink blanket from his bed which was the one above I.M and covered the young man.  
“Will you strip yourself?”  
He had no power to do that but what the hell he can’t let Kihyun do that can he? He gathered all his strength to bear the pain and managed to lower his trousers under the blanket.  
Opening the blanket to see the knee, Kihyun smiled with the shy maknae but that smile was not for long. His face became serious in a split of a second.  
“Put them on. Right now. And get ready.” He said while he was in the middle of finishing that work himself. Good thing Changkyun had trousers. He was more comfortable.  
“Ready for what?”  
“We are going in that damn hospital and you ain’t gonna say shit anymore.”  
Kihyun went out the room.  
“Guys fast. Call Hyungsik right now. He can’t stay here”  
Shownu and Wonho helped I.M get up and helped him walk.  
“You are so light.” Wonho said to the young man.  
Wonho and Shownu understood how small Changkyun really was holding him like that. He was so skinny and they were scared to even touch him. Wonho kept looking at his facial expressions, checking if he felt any pain. Him too was scared now. He felt so bad for the young boy. If he was there. He could have helped him. They saw this skinny boy and went for it like cowards. A thought crossed Wonho’s mind in that moment. From that moment and onwards he would do whatever it takes to be a good teammate, that meant also protecting everyone in whatever ways he could.  
I.M sat in the car and the manager made sure he put his seat belt.  
“Can we come too?” Wonho asked.  
“Guys guys you can’t come as a whole.” Hongsik said.  
“Can I come then?” Jooheon asked.  
“Yeah me too.” Kihyun this time.  
“I want to come also.” Wonho.  
“Okay you three only. Fast get in.”  
A hospital is always scary and makes you feel anxious. That was what the guys were feeling too, waiting in that white clean hall.  
“Why the hell didn’t we take him in the hospital in the first place? What was wrong with us?”  
“Calm down Kihyun. He himself told us not to do that.” Wonho said.  
“Excuse me but since when did we became doctors and decided if it was okay to just do what he asks?”  
“By the way, how did you convince him to come here?”  
“His leg was hurting and I acted like a saw a really swollen leg so he could be a little scared.”  
“Wait what. How did you see his leg?”  
“Don’t ask.”  
“You stripped him?”  
Kihyun rolled his eyes.  
“Minhyuk says you are a little perv but now I see it.” Jooheon joked.  
“He had the blanket on okay? He is a shy girl. And why are we talking about this?”  
“Whatever, he better be alright.”  
“Don’t blame yourself. It’s not your fault Jooheon.”  
Wonho was also worried about the other your man. Jooheon looked so down.  
“This wouldn’t have happened if I was there. He was there freezing, lying on the sidewalk. You have no idea how scared I was. He wasn’t coming to his senses. I didn’t think of the worst but I almost did when I kept shouting but he didn’t move at all. He was even hungry. We didn’t even eat while writing. That must have been also bad for him. Gosh…”  
The manager was coming their way. He looked serious.  
“Ok it’s bad.” Wonho said  
“Bad for us too.” Kihyun murmured.  
“How is he Hongsik hyung?” Jooheon asked first.  
“He has a fracture in his leg. He will get surgery.”  
“What? Omg… It’s that bad.”  
“He said he didn’t remember it well but when that boy hit his leg, it didn’t hard his knee but his tibia and since he was on the ground he might have hit the leg in the sidewalk too. The doctors spoke their own complicated language but he will get surgery and rest here. He will be back at the dorm if he feels better. I don’t know him well but I guess he will ask to be home soon.”  
“Yeah that’s what we think too…” Kihyun said looking down.  
“I will take you guys home. Then I will comeback to stay here.”  
“What no. You can’t let him alone here.” Wonho said.  
“He will be in surgery room so I won’t be of help.”  
Still didn’t sound good to the boys. They were feeling a little over protective.  
“No, no. It’s okay. You can take others home I will stay here. I’m used to staying late.” Jooehon said.  
Hongsik laughed.  
“I am glad you are willing to stay for the night with him, but you need rest too.”  
“Hyung~ please let me wait for him to get out.”  
“Maybe he will be asleep till tomorrow. Why do you insist this much?”  
“Why do you insist to take me home?”  
“Okay okay. I give up. You can stay. Others come with me.”  
“Yes hyung~”  
Said Wonho and Kihyun in the same time and they went away like good kids.

***  
“He is asleep in the room 514 now. He will get better if he rests well and doesn’t put pressure on his leg. Thankfully the hit slipped from the knee and went with the full power on his tibia. If not, his knee would not be good since he had already a chronic pain there.”  
“What?”  
Jooheon said. He didn’t know he had a chronic pain in his knee but what could he know. He met him not long ago. There were a lot of thing they didn’t know about this boy and he was feeling something he himself couldn’t explain. Compassion maybe…  
He went to the room. It was all white, a big window where Seoul lights could be seen, blue curtains, white floor and a surprisingly big bed with blue sheets in the middle facing a TV. Next to the bed there were also two armchairs from each side of the bed. It was a nice room.  
“Well thanks Starship I guess…” The young man said entering.  
Jooheon sat in the armchair on I.M’s right. He looked at the boy. He was sleeping and his left leg was in a cast supported on a thing that looked like a pillow. He was not moving at all but that was because he was sleeping. Still Jooheon got up, went near and focused on his moving chest.  
“I’m sorry.” He said almost whispering and covered Changkyun more with the blanket so he would not feel cold even though the room was really warm.  
Jooheon stood there looking at the serious face of their maknae wondering how hard must it have been for him out there in the cold, alone, already sad and hurt, hungry and…  
He fell asleep thinking. It was an uncomfortable position to sleep. Sitting in the armchair, with the palm on his face to lean. He was gonna wake up soon, not because of his hand that might slip but because of I.M screams.  
“No! No! No! Let me go! Please! Leave me alone! Let me go!”  
He was moving so fast throwing his arms everywhere looking like he was trying to protect from a ghost. His eyes were shut but they looked like they were gonna make some tear fall in any second. Jooheon was scared. He didn’t know what to do.  
“Cha-Changkyun?”  
He was shaking in fear. What to do? He had never done this before. He was no good in taking care of others. Kihyun should have been here. Why did he stay instead of Kihyun. He was no use. But he could’t just stand there. He went closer and did not realize what his hands or body was doing.  
He caught I.M hands and tried to lift him a little bit so he could wake uo.  
“Changkyun-ah! Changkyun-ah! It’s just a dream! It’s just a dream!”  
Then I.M woke up shaking and saw himself in a hospital bed, his leg in a cast, Jooheon holding his fists looking super worried. He did not know what to believe.  
He dreamed about shadows that crawled and caught his leg trying to pull him to the shadows. He was alone and he was cold. He tried to hold into everything he could but they were so strong and he felt like he was gonna go and not turn back.  
He couldn’t speak but only looked at Jooheon’s face who was near to shiet his pants. Their hands were shaking in the air and the older man held those little fists tight. He could feel the maknae’s fear.  
“It’s just a dream. It’s just a dream Changkyun-ah. I’m sorry. It’s just a dream.” He kept repeating and hugged the younger sitting on his bad. His arms were around the maknae’s neck wanting to create a warm safe place for him.  
“Hyung is sorry. I don’t know what to do. Please calm down. It’s just a dream.”  
Changkyun was breathing heavily and Jooheon could feel that keeping him tight in his arms. He was actually so small and thin. Did this man eat enough?  
I.M wasn’t the hugging type. But that moment he had no power to even make another move. He was so thankful to this hyung. But he couldn’t even say “Thank you” Was exhausted af and caught Jooheon’s right arm with his hands and fell asleep like that.  
When his breathing got steady Jooheon understood that the boy has slept and pulled off the hug. But then he saw the younger’s hands being glued at his right arm. He couldn’t sleep with him could he?  
Jooheon smiled and decided to lend their little maknae his arm, while he slept sat on the armchair resting his head on the bed. Changkyun turned his upper body right always keeping a tight grip to Jooheon’s pullover like it was a teddy bear.  
He looked so cute but also made you wanna protect him.  
“When you wake up in the morning don’t get too surprised maknae-yah.”  
~*~  
“…what’s this.”  
Changkyun woke up in confusion. He was in the hospital, his leg all in cast and Jooheon sleeping next to him sitting in an armchair. He let go of his arm and poked him a little to see if he was sleeping still. But he was and I.M thought he would have a really bad spine ache after he woke up.  
Jooheon woke up after not more than 10 minutes.  
“Ah you are already awake.” The aegyo king spoke rubbing his eyes making a pouty face because he didn’t want to wake up that early. It was 7 o’clock.  
“Did you stay here thorough all night?”  
“Well a good morning would do tho. You became so serious now that you woke up.”  
“…Goodmorning.”  
“Morning! Did you sleep well? I mean after that nightmare.”  
“Ah yeah.” I.M remembered what happened last night. Damn now he was all shy.  
“Thank god you did. My spine hurts like damn right now. It would have been better to just lay with you.” And he laughed making Changkyun even more shy but anyway he smiled at the joke looking away.  
“You were quite cute while sleeping tbh. Like a small puppy.”  
“Ah stop it!” I.M said going back to his blanket.  
“I mean it. Or when you did some little snorts that scared me. Ai~ Cute!”  
And he made an aegyo face that we all know and makes everyone melt. He made it. He made Changkyun laugh. He was happy to see a smile across that young man’s face.  
After a little silence Changkyun said  
“Hyung…”  
“Yeah?” Jooheon was at the window looking out at the view.  
“Thank you for staying here tonight.”  
“You don’t have to thank me.”  
He said going closer to the bed.  
“We are a team now. We need to take care of each other right maknae?”  
And he messed I.M’s hair. Yeah. He was his little bro from now on.

**Author's Note:**

> My first writing. Please be nice to me


End file.
